


Someday

by MarvelObsessedgirl3



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety Disorder, Aunt & Uncle Avengers, Aunt Natasha Romanov, Avengers Family, Awesome Natasha Romanov, Clint Barton & Natasha Romanov Friendship, Depression, Domestic Avengers, Eating Disorders, Fluff and Angst, Hurt Peter, Marvel Universe, Mental Health Issues, Natasha Romanov Has Issues, Natasha Romanov Is Not A Robot, Natasha Romanov Is a Good Bro, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Parent Tony Stark, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Precious Peter Parker, Protective Avengers, Protective Natasha Romanov, Protective Tony Stark, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Superfamily (Marvel), The Avengers Are Good Bros, Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Is a Good Bro
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-10
Updated: 2020-02-28
Packaged: 2020-10-14 04:09:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 30
Words: 75,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20594477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MarvelObsessedgirl3/pseuds/MarvelObsessedgirl3
Summary: Peter Parker is living with the Avengers, at the Compound, adopted by Tony Stark, after his Aunt May died 2 weeks ago.He has always had to deal with his mental health, but now that he is living with the Avengers at the Compound, he feels more alone than ever and despite pretending to be fine, he is really spiraling out of control. Can anyone save him, before it's too late?Natasha and Peter centric <3





	1. You are not alone

**Author's Note:**

> **In this fanfiction, self-harm and general mental health problems are referenced to in great detail throughout - please do not read if this triggers you**
> 
> In this fic, Peter is 14, has always been dealing with mental health problems and this story is set after Civil War - where everyone forgave each other and have been living at the Compound together for a year, until Peter moved in 2 weeks ago. He is still 'interning' with Tony but the Avengers now know that he is Spiderman and he gets on well with them.  
Please leave a comment and a kudos if you liked it or if you have any suggestions for future chapters :)  
Thanks for reading! This fic will be updated weekly.  
Stay Strong
> 
> MarvelObsessedgirl3  
xx

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Triggering chapter - self harm**  
Peter feels alone and isolated after the death of his Aunt May and accidentally cuts himself too deep - will anybody manage to find him in time, or can he steal the Super Solider medication from Bruce's Lab, without being caught???

His breaths were coming in short and fast as he swiped again and again into his arm with his favourite razor. He was in his ensuite bathroom in the Avengers Compound, where he had been staying ever since his Aunt May died 2 weeks prior.

_Bad day at school – **cut**_

_Bad patrol - **cut**_

_Miss May – **cut**_

_Didn’t do homework up to A standard - **cut**_

_Failure - **cut**_

_Worthless - **cut**_

_Deserve to be bullied by Flash - **cut**_

He flinched with the pain, but ultimately felt a surge of relief as his razor easily slid through his flesh like butter. He vaguely registered that he was crying, but he shook his head and forced himself to stop, when on the last cut, he could finally smell the familiar scent of iron from his blood. Looking down at the new cuts that littered his arm, he watched with a mild interest as the cuts bubbled and blood started to trickle down his arm and land with a soft ‘pat’ into the sink, creating a vivid red puddle, in contrast to the bright white of the sink.

Peter turned around and grabbed a dark black towel. Wrapping his arm in it – he hissed in pain and gritted his teeth, ignoring the tears that streamed down his face. _How pathetic, _he thought.

‘If only Mr Stark could see me now. Spiderman, reduced to slicing himself open to deal with the shit storm in his head.’ He muttered, as he breathed through the horrible throbbing in his arm.

Peter had dealt with a lot in his life and unfortunately, battling the bad thoughts in his head was almost top of the list – besides his parents dying and his Uncle being shot in front of him and his Aunt dying in a car crash 2 weeks ago of course. He couldn’t remember all the appointments and counselling he’d been dragged into when he was younger – this had been an issue since he was very young, when Ben had found him hitting himself with a piece of Lego in his bedroom one day, crying about how he didn’t feel real. He was six when that happened.

When Ben died, everything got worse and he was hospitalised, May stayed with him every day for that week, but he saw the worry in her eyes and promised himself that he wouldn’t drag her into his anymore, so he tried to get better – he really did, but after the Vulture Incident and becoming Spiderman, everything got worse again and he just pretended that he was fine and dealt with it all himself. That was a year ago. A year of cutting almost daily, barely eating – so much so, that he didn’t even register the need for food anymore, as he was always in a state of hunger, unless he was forced to eat, he would throw it up.

Ever since he became Spiderman – May thought that he was ‘recovered’ as that is what he and this even his therapist told her, as he had even convinced his therapist that he was in recovery now and was ‘doing much better’; because of this, nobody knew about his previous struggles, not Tony, none of the Avengers and not even Ned and MJ. He kept everything a large secret. Luckily his healing factor covered the cuts up quickly and he could blame his malnutrition on his patrol and sleep habits, but the feelings were always there in his head and he felt trapped. Especially now that May died and everything in his head was pretty much at the worst that it had ever been - Peter felt utterly alone and caught in the depths of his mental illness, with no way out.

He swiped a hand over his face, wiping the tears away, and he sat down in a ball on the floor, towel over his arm and he fully cried, feeling utterly worthless.

_Flash was right, I am just a complete idiot. No wonder everyone I love dies._

_All these years later, all the psych appointments, all the suicide attempts and here I am, still cutting myself open every day. _

_God, I’m so tired. No. You just need more coffee…crap, what have I actually eaten today? Nothing much – hang on, I can’t remember the last time I actually had a proper meal. That can’t be good. I had that apple earlier and the coffee this morning…is that it? _

_I miss you May, I’d honestly kill for one of your hugs right now._

Peter’s stomach gave a very loud rumble and he grimaced at the sharp pain in his stomach, doubling over as he breathed in through his mouth.

_Ha, how long has my eating disorder been back and I haven’t even realised that I’ve been actively calorie counting again? Did it ever go away? I’m such a mess…_

He knew that his Spidey-metabolism needed some form of sustenance (more so than a normal human), so he ate as little as possible before he felt faint and had three safe foods, which he had hidden in his bedroom – that he allowed himself to eat whenever he felt light-headed: Rice Cakes low fat, apples (a lot of apples) and granola bars – which were only 32 calories each.

_How many calories have I eaten today then? I’ll just have to do an extra hour of patrol tomorrow then…stupid forgetful brain…_

Peter was so lost in the negative spiral of thoughts that threatened to consume him, that he didn’t register the throb becoming harder in his arm, until his arm suddenly felt like it was on fire. He inhaled sharply at the growing puddle of red which was increasing in size on the bathroom floor.

‘Oh fuck.’

Peter immediately stood up and started swaying slightly. Why was his healing not working? He racked his head, trying to remember emergency medical information that he had read the last time this had happened…but, last time there wasn’t this much blood…

He stumbled into his bedroom and put on his mask, then immediately blocked the protocols that would inform Tony of his condition - using the code number that he had recently gotten, when he hacked into Friday. He knew that he shouldn’t have hacked into the AI and deleted all evidence of what he had found, but the last thing he wanted was for Tony to know what was going on. He couldn’t take that risk. He could do this by himself.

_‘Hello Peter, you seem to be in distress.’_ Greeted Karen.

‘K…Karen…wh…what d…do I…do? M’arm…help.’

_‘Your vitals are spiking - I would advise you seeing a medic immediately, as you are losing a lot of blood according to my data. You have blocked my protocols, however would you like me to call Mr Star…’_

‘…NO! N…no…d…don’t c….call…override…I…wh…what…can I…d…do?’

_‘Peter, I strongly advise that you see a professional, I am linking websites to mental health faciliti…’_

‘…over…override.’ He threw off his mask and crumpled onto his bed, breathing heavily. All he needed was some strong medication – but he could only get that from the lab. As long as he wasn’t seen, then he’d be fine and the medication would slow the bleeding down until his healing powers kicked in…he couldn’t risk putting his mask on again, for fear of Karen ratting him out to Tony, as he didn’t know how long the code would be active for, so Peter made his mind up. He stumbled over to his wardrobe and managed to pull on a hoodie – crying out in pain when it touched his arm. He dabbed at his arm with the bloody towel and the flow slowed down enough that he could web the wound to keep pressure, whilst he attached his web shooters to his wrists and pulled his hood up, to cover his face, so he could blend into the darkness better.

He threw his bedroom window open and sent a web out and he started flying high over the Compound – trying to get to the section of the Compound, where Bruce’s Lab was - where he figured he could use the backdoor, as all the windows to the Lab would be closed - putting as little pressure on his left web shooter as was humanly possible. After around 5 minutes of pure agony, when he felt like he was going to be sick, he finally reached the back entrance to Bruce’s lab and stifled a sob.

He had landed in the shadows and then retched into a nearby bin. He tried the backdoor and even asked Friday to open it and then all the windows, but apparently the entire Lab was on lockdown until Bruce was back and Peter swore under his breath. The Avengers had left earlier that day, whilst he was at school, as they were going on a mission – scouting out a Hydra base and Peter knew that Bruce was going, because he was the only medic available – as Helen Cho was busy in Japan, so that meant the lab, with all the Super Solider medication would be empty, but he didn’t think that it would be on full lockdown. He also definitely knew that Tony was there, as they talked about how much he didn’t want to go a few days ago - they were all due to return the following afternoon. Peter also remembered that two of them were staying behind and he had no idea who it was, as it was at that boring meeting that he fell asleep in and after patrol when everyone had left for the mission, he hadn’t crossed anyone’s path anyway. He shook his head – it didn’t matter who had stayed behind anyway, because he wasn’t going to be seen, he was going to get into the lab, he just had to be creative…

Gasping for breath and feeling sick again, he looked up at the roof and sent a web to the top, swinging with it, until he slipped and landed badly on the rooftop, right onto his bloody arm. He stifled a scream in his other arm and tried to think clearly again.

Peter sniffed and proceeded to pry open the open window on the top left hand side of the building, which was a lot heavier than it looked. He moved the familiar thick red curtains aside and peered into the dimly lit room, which seemed to be empty, despite the light being on. He crept inside and landed almost silently on the carpeted floor and pulled down his hood and took a shaky breath.

He jumped up onto the ceiling and wiped his eyes, his stomach rumbled, his arm throbbed at an almost equal pain to when he gets shot at on patrol and all he wanted at that moment was food and sleep. He glanced into the doorway of the kitchen – which was also dimly lit, blinking away some more tears. He turned back around, to check the window was just as he had found it. His new goal was to go into the vent in the Kitchen ceiling and follow it down to Bruce’s lab, as the Vents were never locked – due to Clint using them as his primary mode of transportation. However, he suddenly gasped as his spider senses flared and he dodged an incredibly sharp knife which missed him by an inch and landed in the space on the ceiling where he had been a second before.

Peter fell off the ceiling in surprise, landing in a clump on the floor in the middle of the living room. He whipped around towards the kitchen and aimed his web-shooters at the figure who stepped into the room dressed in sweatpants and an oversized jumper, holding a plate with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on it, she looked mildly amused – in comparison to Peter who was wide eyed, breathing heavily and thought he was about 3 seconds away from being murdered. Out of everyone, of course the trained assassin would be one of the two Avengers to stay behind – literally anyone would have been better than her…even the Winter Solider- because at least they played on Mario Kart together sometimes.

Peter looked at Natasha Romanoff, he was absolutely terrified and gulped audibly. Ever since his Aunt died and Tony had adopted him and he had started living at the Compound, he and Natasha had never actually had a full conversation outside of the training room, where she would always kick his ass. She’d said the odd thing to him of course, like ask how school was and made him waffles sometimes for breakfast, but never struck up a conversation, although sometimes he would catch her staring at him with an expression that he couldn’t figure out. He vaguely recalled a few nights ago when he was having a nightmare, that she had come into his room and helped to comfort him, but he shook his head…he was probably dreaming... He might be 14 and a full time superhero, but he was absolutely terrified of the woman standing in front of him and had no idea what she would do, as she stood in front of him, glaring at him.

‘Why were you on the ceiling?’ She questioned in a neutral voice, eyes searching Peter’s face intently for anything that would reveal his reason for sneaking into the living room at 10pm at night, as he stood up, trying not to sway on the spot from the pain in both his stomach and arm.

‘…Oh….urmm…’

‘That’s not a valid answer Kid.’

Peter gulped again and tried not to cry out, as he felt his arm give a very painful throb. He felt sick again and felt his vision swim slightly. Natasha was watching him curiously and as soon as a small sob escaped him, Natasha inhaled sharply and leapt into action. Peter fell to his knees and he heard the clink of a plate being set down and approaching footsteps as everything started spinning.

_‘Shit, Kid.’_

Peter shook his head as tears fell down his cheeks and he gasped fruitlessly for oxygen which he was sure had all been absorbed from the atmosphere.

‘Hey, you need to calm down. Kid, you still with me?’

Peter hummed and sniffled. He opened his eyes, pulled himself up into a sitting position – and hugged his knees to his chest as he fought the sudden urge to be sick, breathing in heavily and quickly. Natasha looked at him closely, seeing the line of sweat on his forehead and the slight green tinge which had appeared over the past few seconds.

‘Shit. Hang on Kid.’ She ran into the kitchen and he heard a cupboard open and a lot of rattling - over the pounding of his heart-beat in his ear drums.

Not even a minute later, Peter suddenly felt his stomach flip and began to panic. Natasha had just appeared and held a bucket in front of him, rubbing his back soothingly as whatever food that he had eaten over the past few hours was expelled, which was just the apple from earlier and after a few seconds or so turned into dry heaves, as his stomach was empty. Tears were streaming down his face by this point and all he wanted was to wake up from this nightmare he had found himself in.

Natasha put the bucket back in the kitchen and came back over to Peter with a glass of water; he sipped it and gave it back to her. She put it on the nearby coffee table, then knelt in front of Peter and her eyes fell upon his bloody arm, which could by now be seen even though he was wearing a black hoodie, from the tell-tale dark patch covering the majority of his left forearm. She instantly looked at the tears rolling down his face and put two and two together.

‘I need to look.’ She said rather abruptly and Peter shook his head, then tried to crawl away from her, but she easily overpowered him and pinned his legs down. He weakly tried to push her away, but he gave up after a few seconds when his arm began to throb harshly again. He hated how his powers were deteriorating recently more so than ever – probably due to his lack of calorie intake…he thought, then winced as his arm burned with pain again.

‘Stop it Kid. I need to see if it needs stitches.’ He howled in pain as she didn’t wait for a reply and rolled his sleeve up, gently but firmly.

‘N…NO! S…ST…STOP…PL…PLEASE!’ He sobbed, as her eyes fell on the bloody mess of the litter of deep cuts and she swore under her breath in Russian. She then sat him upright, so he was leaning against the couch and hummed under her breath for a second.

‘Friday? Night-time protocol please.’ She addressed the room, not taking her eyes off Peter, who was sobbing into his hands by this point.

_‘Of course Agent Romanoff.’_ The AI replied instantly.

Unbeknownst to Peter, as he was asleep when ‘night-time protocol’ was always active, it stopped anybody entering or leaving the Compound, and put all the rooms on lockdown, which could only be accessed via security badges and Tony had it set to be active at midnight each night.

‘Don’t move. I’ll know if you do.’ Natasha said quietly, leaving no room for argument, and she got up and walked out of the living room, leaving Peter behind, trying to stifle his cries and feeling like the most pathetic human in existence.

Barely a minute later, Natasha came back into the room and was carrying a small white box and a tiny cylinder, full of what looked like small tic tacs. She emptied two of them into her hand and thrust them into Peter’s right hand and gave him the glass of water that was on the coffee table from earlier.

‘Swallow them.’ She instructed, as Peter raised his eyebrow at her. She sighed in annoyance and rolled her eyes, as he looked sceptically at her.

‘Kid. If I wanted to poison you, I would have done it by now. They’re Steve’s super meds and they’ll help instantly with the pain and take care of any risk of infection. Take them now, before I make you.’ Peter nodded quickly and took the pills and some water, sighing in relief at the instant relief from the painful throb in his arm; it was still pulsing and had a feeling of burning, but the painful throb had lessened considerably, and he no longer felt sick. He looked down at his exposed arm and was relieved to find that it had stopped bleeding at last.

‘Thanks.’ He mumbled and stared determinedly at the carpeted floor, not meeting Natasha’s eyes, as she knelt in front of him and pulled out a variety of first aid items from the small white box. She didn’t reply, apart from moving to hold Peter’s arm, so she could clean and bandage it, but he pulled away from her and she raised her eyebrows.

‘No. I know how to…to do it. You don’t need to, I…I’ve bothered you enough. I’m…I’m sorry.’ Peter said, blinking away more tears that were threatening to fall. Natasha frowned and then schooled her face into her usual neutral one, as Peter sniffed and then tried to take the items from her hand, she instantly lifted them out of his way. Something akin to concern flickered behind her eyes for the briefest of moments, before she spoke again, this time in a much gentler voice, which sounded so similar to how May used to talk to him, when he was sad, that it took everything in him, for him not to cry.

‘I know that I can be quite…cold and unapproachable at times, but I am a first aider and I need to sort that out, because if it doesn’t get stitched up, you’ll most likely die, as clearly your healing factor isn’t working for some reason and the meds won’t fix it completely.’ She looked at Peter pointedly, as his stomach gave a particularly loud rumble and he tried to cough to mask it, but knew instantly that he couldn’t fool Natasha, when she continued to stare at him.

‘Ok, thank you M…Miss Romanoff.’ He said, his voice barely a whisper. He felt completely worthless. The whole plan had gone wrong and he was sitting in the middle of the living room, with a member of the team, who had found out about his deepest secrets. He couldn’t help how his lip started to wobble, as Natasha got out the disinfectant and Peter hated himself even more as he looked at his arm and felt tears roll down his cheeks again, as Natasha started to clean and stitch up his cuts, ever so gently.

‘This will sting.’ She warned quietly, as she poured a bit of antiseptic liquid onto his arm. He hissed in pain and made a sound like a wounded animal. Natasha glanced at his scrunched up face, which had tears pouring down it and felt her heart clench. She didn’t say anything else, but stitched up his arm quickly and before Peter knew it, his arm was fully bandaged and was no longer burning, but had a dull ache.

‘There you go Kid. Hang on, I won’t be a minute.’ Natasha stood up, cleared up the items and the meds, then walked out of the room again, as Peter shakily stood up and collapsed in a heap on the large sofa, tears streaming down his face as he cradled his arm to his chest and anxious thoughts spiralled around in his head.

_How did she manage to get the Super Soldier Meds? _

_Why did I have to throw up? _

_I could have just lied and said I wasn’t feeling well…_

_I guess she would have seen the blood anyway though…stupid webbing. _

_Oh my God, I’m going to be in so much trouble…no I can’t do this all again_

_…no…no…no…_

_cantbreathecantbreathecantbreathecantbreathe_

‘-eter? Hey, look at me, you’re ok. I need you to take a few deep breaths for me, Kid. Deep breath in, 1, 2, 3, 4 and then out 2, 3, 4. Good, just like that, well done. Listen to my voice.’ Peter opened his eyes, to see Natasha crouching in front of him, breathing exaggeratedly and coaching him on how to breathe normally.

He frowned as he realised that at some point, he had squeezed his eyes shut and was hyperventilating, curled up in the foetal position in the middle of the couch. After a few more moments of following Natasha’s breathing exercises, Peter sat up and rubbed his face tiredly, wiping all the cold tear tracks away. He felt something soft being pressed into his hands, and he instantly looked down to find one of his hoodies, folded up neatly on his lap. He looked at Natasha and she shrugged, then sat down next to him.

‘Didn’t think you’d want to keep that bloody one on.’ She said simply, as Peter mumbled something about ‘oh…yeah…thanks,’ then pulled the blood stained one off and replaced it with the clean one, instantly feeling cleaner.

He inwardly groaned as his stomach growled again and tried to fold his arms over it, to mask the loud sound. Natasha ignored him and reached forwards to take a hold of her plate, which had been disregarded on the coffee table. She picked up a PB&J sandwich, held one half out to Peter, who shook his head, but after a raised eyebrow from her, he accepted; then she took a large bite out of her own and looked at Peter expectantly. He looked down at the immaculately cut sandwich and his stomach rumbled at the sight, he demolished it in a few minutes, instantly feeling better, despite his urge to throw it up, he knew that he needed to help the medication to kick in, so he finished the glass of water from earlier and forced himself to stay on the couch and not run to the toilet.

They sat in a somewhat comfortable silence for around an hour or so, as Natasha lazily flicked through the channels on the TV and Peter simply watched whatever programme she had put on; trying to stop thinking of the anxious thoughts racing through his head. After a while, Peter finally crumbled and felt tears roll down his cheeks and he tried to subtly wipe them away and mumbled a ‘sorry’, when the TV was suddenly turned off. Natasha broke the silence.

‘Don’t.’

Peter was confused. ‘Don’t what?’ He asked, sniffing quietly. Natasha turned to look at him and sighed. ‘Don’t apologise and don’t close yourself off from people. It isn’t healthy. I know that I’m the biggest hypocrite for saying this, but isolating yourself won’t help this situation, believe me.’ She didn’t elaborate, just looked at him intently for a few seconds and put her hand over his smaller ones. Peter found himself looking up at her and she gave him a kind smile.

‘Like I said earlier, I might not be the most approachable person on the team, but I’m a good listener – if you ever need someone to call or just to talk to, then I’ll be here. Us Spiders have to stick together anyway, right Kid?’ Despite himself, Peter laughed quietly and nodded.

‘Th…thank you Ms Romanoff ma’am…but…pl…please…could you not tell anyone about this…I…’ Natasha cut him off and held her hand up. ‘I know you’re going through a hard time right now, after your Aunt and everything, therefore, I won’t say anything to anyone as I think that the wrong approach might make this all worse for you, although I do strongly advise you talk to somebody about whatever you’re feeling. I need you to promise me, that if this were to happen again, you contact me immediately. Do you understand?’ She looked at him pointedly and he nodded.

‘I promise.’

‘Good, now, what film do you want to watch?’

Peter looked at her surprised. He thought that she would be like May, Ben, the councillors he’d known and even his old teachers – who had made him talk about his issues and wouldn’t take no for an answer, whenever he had shown signs of a bad day or anything. However, Natasha just looked at him expectantly, waiting for his choice of film and he blinked, then mumbled: ‘Starwars The Empire Strikes Back, please.’

‘Oh god, not another sci-fi geek.’ She raised her eyebrow as Peter grinned sheepishly. ‘Urgh, fine, Starwars it is. Here.’ She threw a blanket over the both of them, as there were many lying around in the living room, and she put on the movie. Peter allowed himself to curl up into his side of the sofa and snuggled further under the blanket, his fingers playing with the frayed edges as a way of self-soothing – Natasha noticed this and stored it away in a mental file.

Not even halfway into the film, she felt a weight on her side and looked down to see Peter leant over sideways, fast asleep, with a small smile on his face and she smirked fondly. Natasha then turned off the film, tucked him in with the blanket and adjusted his weight, so he wouldn’t wake up with any achiness, then she planted a small kiss to the top of his head.

‘You won’t go through this alone, маленький паук.’


	2. Training

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter is trying to keep himself to himself and keep his demons at bay, however a full intensive training session might just be too much for him.

The next few days passed in a blur for Peter. He was still barely eating and his anxiety was steadily getting worse, however, since the night with Natasha helping him, he had not self-harmed – which he was very proud of.

‘Hey Bud, good day at school?’ Peter threw his school bag down and slumped down at the kitchen counter across from Tony, who was cutting up some fresh fruit and was looking at him with an eyebrow raised.

_Every day at school meant being ridiculed and bullied by Flash and on that particular day, he had been tripped up by Flash and had been locked in a locker for 52 minutes. On top of the fact that he had not eaten all day and then got a B- on a test._

He put on his best fake smile and pulled out his phone, texting Ned about an upcoming science project that he had yet to start. ‘Yep. Everything’s been good today.’ Tony nodded and passed him a small bowl of fruit.

‘I want all that eaten – I know you’ve already had lunch, but Steve said you skipped breakfast again earlier and I know I’m like the biggest hypocrite for saying his, but coffee doesn’t substitute as a meal kiddo.’ Peter looked up from his phone and stared at the bowl of fruit in front of him, immediately calculating the calorie intake. Tony was obviously oblivious to this and continued to talk to Peter, who by this point was thinking of ways that he could avoid eating the bowl of fruit.

‘After you’ve eaten that, Natasha wanted me to tell you to join her and Legolas in the training room for a quick session, then later on, feel free to join me in the lab and we can tinker around for a bit.’ Tony flashed him a smile, which Peter returned and nodded, picking up a piece of mango, as Tony left the room. He immediately put it back into the bowl and felt tears prickling his eyes as he stared at the bowl, feeling his stomach flip at the thought of eating all of that.

_Maybe I could just eat one piece of banana? That wouldn’t hurt right?_

One piece of banana turned into two, which turned into a slice of apple, which was followed by strawberries and raspberries and finally the mango. After a few moments, Peter looked down at the now empty bowl and his eyes widened in horror. Logically he knew that fruit was healthy in good amounts and that this was a perfectly healthy snack, however, because he wasn’t self-harming, his eating disorder was extremely prominent, like all the control that he craved whilst self-harming was being projected through his control over food and he instantly felt sick and bolted to the living quarters, to his own bathroom.

Peter slammed the bathroom door. He fell in front of the toilet and stuck his fingers down his throat, heaving into the toilet, as streams of hot bile and half-digested pieces of fruit landed in the toilet, as tears cascaded down his cheeks. After a few minutes of vomiting into the toilet, he sat up, flushed the contents away and wiped the tears away from his face, breathing heavily as he felt his throat burn with the sting of bile.

Standing up shakily, he glanced at his reflection in the mirror and audibly gasped. His eyes were sunken, as were his cheeks. He had bags under his bloodshot eyes – which seemed devoid of life, almost like he were a walking zombie. Peter washed his hands, brushed his teeth and threw some cold water on his face in an effort to make himself seem more awake.

Walking into his bedroom, he hastily threw on some workout clothes - of which he decided to don a light sports hoodie – to cover the older scars on his arms that he had gotten before the spider bite and which had never healed, then some pants and trainers and he made his way down to the training rooms.

On approach to the training room, Peter could see Natasha and Clint sparring – of course, not holding back in the slightest and he sighed, dreading the session already. Due to him not eating, he was feeling weak and therefore had to compensate for his slow reaction times, with heavier punches. Sticking out his hand, he opened the door and saw the two assassins walking to the side, apparently taking a small break, drinking from water bottles, talking quietly to each other on the side of the room. They looked up as the door sprung open and Peter waved to them, they then waved back at him and smiled.

‘Hey squirt – park your bag and lets start!’

Clint walked over and gave Peter a high-five, then gestured for him to dump his bag with theirs and follow him into the middle of the room. Natasha followed Clint and Peter into the middle of the room and set a few rules before they started.

‘Ok boys, full intensity session today – no powers and hand to hand combat only, you know the drill. If you don’t avoid a punch or a kick, then expect to wake up tomorrow with bruises. No holding back. Parker, just match our strength – we’ll be fine.’ Peter nodded, biting his lip nervously. Natasha smirked at the scared look on Peter’s face – which wasn’t because of the training session like she thought, it was just because he knew that his reaction times might be weaker than usual and he really didn’t fancy being kicked in the face by the Black Widow and Hawkeye at full strength. He hadn’t had a full intensive session with the two assassins since before May died – which is probably why they had scheduled one for that day, to get him used to harder combat sessions again, he thought, as Natasha and Clint started warming up.

Peter began jogging on the spot and stretching lightly. He was slightly worried, but more so about his slow reaction times and the fact that he had to spar with both of them at once at full intensity, without his suit and he felt like he could pass out at any moment. He knew that he couldn’t stop his spider sense from warning him of attacks, which the assassins knew too, but they were not holding back on him and that is what worried him, what happened if his powers failed him? They never had done before, but he hadn’t trained properly in a long time and was feeling very lightheaded.

‘Um…Ms Natasha ma’am-‘

‘-Kid, how many times, just call me Nat.’

‘…Right, Nat, um…I’m tired from school and stuff, so can we like maybe not go like full intensity today?’ She simply glared at him and he knew that that was a firm no.

‘You seriously don’t expect your enemies to hold back their punches on the battle-field do you?’

‘No! I just, I’m just really tired today and we haven’t gone full on in our training sessions, since M…for a while.’

Natasha looked at him intently for a few moments, then something akin to concern flickered on her face for a second, but as quickly as it was there, it was gone.

Clint broke the silence and laughed. ‘Sure Kid, bet you’re just scared of seeing the Black Widow and Hawkeye at their most intensive fighting level.’ Peter stuck out his tongue and Clint smirked. ‘You’ll be fine, we’ll start off easy and work our way up like we always do, ok?’ Peter inwardly sighed and nodded his head, as the three of them settled into their usual starting positions.

Together they started sparring lightly, which generally increased with intensity every few minutes, until they were full on fighting – not to kill or injure obviously, but hard enough to leave bruises if they didn’t dodge a punch or kick quick enough. Peter couldn’t use his full strength, for fear of literally killing them, so he settled into his usual fighting tempo that the Avengers expected from him in their sessions; hard enough to bruise, but not enough to injure.

The sessions with the Avengers lasted for an hour and usually Peter barely broke a sweat by the end, due to his stamina, but after a solid twenty minutes or so, Peter’s vision began to swim, and his reaction times were getting worse.

Clint saw an opening and slid under Peter’s legs, then jumped up and landed a hard punch to his side, as Peter jumped over Natasha and tried to put her in a headlock, which she got out of immediately. Then she proceeded to flip over Peter’s head and landed a kick to his leg. He grimaced, but powered through it, taking deep breaths, but all of a sudden Peter stumbled and his Spidey power didn’t warn him in time when Natasha threw a heavy punch at the same moment he stumbled, and her fist caught the side of his face with a loud crack. Peter fell backwards a few feet, and landed on his back with a loud groan, feeling his cheek sting and throb with pain.

‘Shit, Kid, you ok?’

‘Pete? You good?’ Peter hummed in response and he saw the two assassins running towards him with concern flashing in their eyes. They helped him up and he swayed alarmingly to the side and Clint caught him, steadying him with a firm hand around his shoulders and he led him to the side, whilst Natasha passed him his water bottle.

‘What happened? Did you just slip?’

Shaking his head and leaning against the wall, he took a few steadying breaths, not noticing the fact that Natasha and Clint were looking at him with confused expressions.

‘No, I…I just forgot to dodge you.’ Natasha looked at him incredulously.

‘You just forgot to dodge me.’ She repeated, eyebrow raised. Peter felt himself sweating and forced himself to take more deep breaths.

‘Squirt, if that happened in the field, you’d be dead. I thought your Spidey power warned you when someone is about to throw a punch or something? You’ve never stumbled before in a session with us – is everything ok?’ Peter nodded at Clint and felt his stomach drop. Clint was right, this had never happened before… He shook his head and forced himself to smile at them as he lied, hoping that they believed him.

‘Yeah, I…I just went the wrong way, thought I could…er… get a better angle, guess not haha. I’m sorry…it won’t happen again.’ Clint and Natasha both frowned but accepted his reply and together they went back into the middle of the room and started sparing again. Peter was relieved to find that his powers were working again and he started to rely on the alert that his senses gave him before either of the assassins attacked, so he could just dodge them, it was easier than trying to fight, as his mind was starting to get fuzzy and he felt lightheaded again.

‘Use your weight Peter, you’re not even trying to attack, all you’re doing is trying to calculate our movements. Stop relying on your spider sense and think about this strategically.’ Natasha said sternly, as Peter avoided yet another kick from her, but didn’t make a move to throw one back.

‘Peter, I’m serious, stop it.’ She reprimanded, as he flipped backwards for the third consecutive time, avoiding another kick from her and a tackle from Clint.

‘I can’t help it!’ He gasped, jumping over Clint’s head, to get away from the Archer.

‘I know you can’t, but you need to stop just dodging us and actually try and spar, because this will not help you in a mission, what happens if there are multiple people trying to attack you? You can’t just avoid fighting.’ Peter pouted and missed the slight nod from the two assassins, who both ran at him from opposite angles and he panicked, breathing heavily.

He continued to dodge them both, but his head was pounding and he felt like he was going to throw up. Clint started throwing hard punches, which took all of Peter’s energy to dodge, then Natasha swiped Peter’s feet out from under him and he fell to the ground again. Now, it wasn’t unusual for Natasha to beat Peter in the training sessions, but he could usually match her skill for a good few minutes before she got the upper hand, but today Peter could barely last a minute. She frowned at him and held a hand out to him, which he grasped and she pulled him to his feet.

‘Kid, come on, you can do better than that. Go again and watch your feet this time.’ Breaths coming in short and fast, Peter held up his hands in a time out sign before Clint and Natasha could start sparing with him again.

‘Ba…bathroom…be…be back s…soon.’ He didn’t even wait for a reply but proceeded to run to the nearest bathroom, a few doors down and puked up a load of bile. Mouthful after mouthful of hot bile coated the inside of his mouth as it was expelled from his body, leaving him feeling even more drained than before. He gasped for breath and hissed in pain as his throat burned and all he could taste was vomit. Tears once again streamed down his face and he struggled to compose himself, thinking about how much of a failure he was and that after today, he would probably never be allowed to join the Avengers. Sniffing and rubbing the cold tear tracks off of his face, he washed his mouth out and made his way back to the training room.

Opening the door, he saw the two assassins fighting at their full intensity and talking quietly in Russian, they immediately stopped when Peter came over and joined them. Glancing over at his bloodshot, red rimmed eyes, Natasha looked at him, but he stared determinedly at his trainers. The three of them got into position again and started sparing much lighter than before, which Peter was thankful of and he managed to almost keep up with them both…almost. After five minutes of being reprimanded by Natasha for the continued dodging tactics, he was starting to feel unbelievably sick and his vision blurred slightly.

‘Come on Peter! You’re better than this!’ Clint shouted, as Peter once again dodged a series of punches from him and blindly threw a punch which missed Clint by about a foot, whilst trying to jump away from Natasha, who was glaring at him and then managed to tackle him to the floor. Peter got up and started to fight again, ignoring the crippling pain in both his stomach and throat.

‘Parker, focus. Get up.’ Tears prickled his eyes, as Natasha pinned him to the ground for the fourth time in 10 minutes. When Peter made no move to stand up, Natasha grew concerned and softened her voice slightly.

‘You ok Kid?’ She offered a hand to help him up, but he ignored her and stumbled to his feet for what felt like the hundredth time that session. Peter was beyond annoyed with himself and at how crap he had gotten at sparring. He thought that the lack of food was definitely an issue and that was why he was doing so badly, but also he wasn’t figuring out their fighting style – which was frustrating him, because he was usually really good at that.

‘I’m fine.’ He snapped angrily, rubbing his eyes in frustration. Clint put a comforting hand on his shoulder and ruffled his hair.

‘You don’t seem fine Squirt. Don’t worry about it, we all have off days, but what’s important is that you don’t let your emotions get the better of you. Lets go again.’ Natasha nodded and the two of them separated and got into their fighting stance, as Peter followed suit, swallowed the lump in his throat and started to spar again.

It seemed as though his body had said enough, because he felt his legs start to wobble when he landed from a flip. After a few more minutes, his spider sense once again failed him, as he struggled to draw breath, then he hissed in pain, as Clint managed to kick him from behind. He sprung back up and tried to dodge another kick from Clint, when Natasha threw a punch to his chest and he couldn’t dodge it in time and it connected with his body, knocking the breath from his chest. He wheezed and collapsed in a heap on the ground and coughed, trying to get his breath back, as tears formed in the corners of his eyes, making everything blurry.

‘That’s enough for today.’ Natasha said firmly and muttered something to Clint in Russian. He nodded and walked out of the training room, leaving Peter in the middle of the floor, trying not to cry as Natasha tentatively sat down a few paces from him, to give him some space.

‘Talk to me, Kid. This isn’t like you. What’s going on?’ Peter shook his head and sniffed quietly.

‘J’st tired, I told you earlier.’ Natasha tilted her head to the side.

‘Need I remind you that you’re talking to a trained spy? I know a lie when I see one. Takes guts to lie to my face Kid, but just so you know, you are a rubbish liar.’

‘Don’t know what you mean.’ Peter muttered, avoiding Natasha’s gaze.

‘Peter. Even when you’re tired, you don’t fuck up in training like you did today. What’s really going on?’ Peter felt a tear roll down his face and he scrubbed it away angrily, then stood up and glared at Natasha.

‘It isn’t any of your business. Just leave me alone, I don’t need your pity.’ She stood up in the blink of an eye and glared right back at him.

‘It might not be my business and I am not pitying you; I am simply concerned about your wellbeing.’ She looked intently at Peter and saw his breath hitch slightly. She walked over to collect her training bag, then walked back over to Peter and adjusted her voice to a much softer tone.

‘Whatever is going on, I will not judge you nor rat you out to everyone. Sometimes I find that having somebody to talk to, helps a great deal.’

Peter desperately wanted to break down in tears, but he shook his head again and moved away from her, to get his own training bag and water bottle. Natasha watched him walk over to the side and started to make her way out of the training room, but before she left, she turned around and looked at Peter, with something akin to sympathy in her expression. He met her gaze, willing the tears in his eyes not to fall.

‘My door is always open, should you change your mind and want to confide in someone.’ Slinging his bag over his shoulder, Peter nodded and watched her walk away, then he finally allowed the tears to fall, whilst he fell apart in the empty training room.


	3. The Emptiness Inside

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter is struggling with his eating habits and unfortunately a late night venture into the kitchen ends up as a disaster.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone,   
This chapter deals with bingeing and purging - aswell as general habits of eating disorders. Please don't read if this triggers or offends you in any way.  
Stay Strong<3
> 
> MarvelObsessedgirl3   
xx

Patrol had never felt so good. Peter had had another horrible few days and he had texted Tony that he was going on patrol straight after school. He was currently idly swinging his legs off the top of a very tall building, after having stopped a robbery and he had also just saved a child from a fire in an apartment building. He was perfectly happy in that moment, relishing in the peace and quiet of being up high and away from prying eyes.

After the training session with Clint and Natasha a few days prior, unfortunately, Tony had been told by Natasha of what had happened and as a consequence, Peter was temporarily benched for the week, until he felt back up to normal. Because of this, he was being monitored closely by Tony, as to what he was eating and he had therefore been banned from patrolling for a few days – because according to Tony, he was working himself too hard and needed a break. However, unbeknownst to Tony, Peter had been eating normally in front of him and the rest of the team, but was still purging regularly and was barely sleeping on a night – he just drank a lot of coffee before the others woke up. So, due to Tony’s monitoring, on top of school stress, lack of sleep and generally feeling useless, this was his first patrol in almost a full week.

Peter stared up at the sky, which was beginning to get darker as the sun set. He sighed, knowing that he had to go back to the Compound before it got dark – as per Tony’s new ruling and he stood up, staring off of the edge of the rooftop, contemplating something.

‘Karen?’

_‘Hello Peter.’_

‘Hey Karen, what’s my healing like at the minute?’

Peter stared at the edge of the rooftop and imagined himself jumping off of it, finally being free of all his mental demons and getting a chance to be with his parents and with Ben and May again. Nobody would miss him, maybe the Avengers and Tony for a few weeks, but then they’d go on with their lives…they’d be better off without him…right?

_‘Scanning…your healing is at the lowest level that I have recorded, this is due to malnutrition and a lack of sleep – as you are only sleeping approximately 3-5 hours each night, due to waking up with night terrors. You have reprogrammed my system to not alert Mr Stark of your condition, however I do advise that you see a professional to discuss your eating and sleeping habits, Peter. Why do you ask?’_

Peter froze, then mumbled quietly. ‘If I jump, but didn’t catch myself, what would happen Karen?’

_‘You would be killed instantaneously, the impact would cause internal bleeding and multiple broken bones – in your current state, you would not survive the impact. Why did you ask me that Peter? Should I call Mr Stark for you? This line of thinking is dangerous.’_

‘No! Do not call Mr Stark! I was just wondering, for a school project on gravity. It’s fine, I’m fine. Yep, all good here Karen. Just peachy.’ If an AI could exhibit emotions, then Peter could have sworn that Karen sounded almost empathetic at that exact moment, when she carried on speaking, in a much softer voice.

_‘Peter, is everything ok?’_

‘Didn’t you hear what I just said?’

_‘I did, but I chose not to believe you.’_

‘Ha, thanks Karen. You know for an AI who isn’t meant to have human emotions and stuff, you’re literally just full of sass.’

_‘I will accept that as a compliment, Peter, but you did not answer my question truthfully. Is everything ok?’_

‘No, it’s anything but ok Karen. I wish I could tell you…but I can’t because I can’t risk Mr Stark finding out… so like I said, I’m fine. Quickest way back to the Compound?’

If an AI could sigh, Peter thought that that would be the perfect opportunity for it to do so, as Karen hesitated and then mapped out the fastest route. Peter took one last glance at the edge of the rooftop and took a huge leap into the air, then swung away back to the Compound.

***

‘Hey bud, how was patrol? You feel alright going back out there?’ Peter crawled through the open window to the living room and was met with practically of the Avengers, seated comfortably around the room, watching some kind of horror film. He looked over at Tony, who gave him a kind smile and looked at him expectantly.

‘Hi Mr Stark, hey everyone, yeah, I’m fine now thanks - it was good, nice to get out again actually. I stopped a robbery and saved a little kid from an apartment fire – yano the usual.’

‘Good on you Pete. Proud of you kiddo.’ Tony beamed at him and a few ‘well dones’ were called out from the others, who were situated around the room - Peter found himself smiling at the praise.

‘Pull up a seat Parker.’ Sam gestured to the empty seat, next to him. Peter looked over at him, but his eyes fell on Natasha and Clint, who glanced at him momentarily, offered him small smiles, then turned back to the TV. He found that he couldn’t meet their eyes, remembering what had happened in the training room earlier that week. He knew that they were just concerned about him, as was Tony, but inwardly he was still utterly embarrassed and annoyed with himself at the session.

‘No thanks Mr Wilson Sir, I…I ur…I have a lot of school work that I have to get finished for tomorrow.’ Tony looked at him incredulously and frowned.

‘Kid, first thing in the morning, I’m ringing that asshole of a principle, to demand that you get less homework. This is ridiculous, all you do is study and do homework – you’re literally a straight A student – why do they give you so much work? When I was your age, I didn’t even have that much and I was accepted to College early!’ Shrugging, Peter started to make his way to the elevator that would take him to his bedroom.

‘No, it’s fine thanks Mr Stark, I’m just prepping ahead, I like studying and it isn’t hard stuff. I did miss a lot, since…after what happened a few weeks ago. It’s fine, honestly. See you all tomorrow.’

Tony nodded and waved at him. ‘If you’re sure, take it easy though Pete, I mean it. Night kiddo.’ There were many murmured ‘good night’s’ and ‘see you tomorrows’, Peter smiled and made his way upstairs.

***

After Peter had attempted to start the Science project, the hours passed quickly and by midnight, he had barely made any progress with the project and had not done anything really, apart from throwing multiple notebooks and pieces of paper around his room in annoyance because no matter what he did, he couldn’t concentrate or focus and he was fed up.

Deciding to try and sleep, was also a futile attempt, because all he did was lay there, tossing and turning, feeling utterly miserable. His stomach was in knots and he felt sick. Sweat coated his pajamas and all he could think about was food. He picked up the Avengers voices through the walls, as they started to come up to the living quarters in the elevator. It was harder for Peter to hear them - more so than usual, so he listened carefully, to compensate for his powers deteriorating slightly and heard them all start to drift towards their own bedrooms and floors by around 1am.

Rubbing his eyes tiredly, he sniffed and blinked away some frustrated tears, then bolted out of bed and made his way downstairs, silently listening for anybody who hadn’t come upstairs to bed.

He made his way to the kitchen, without seeing anybody and turning the light on, he spotted a huge 3 tier chocolate cake in the middle of the kitchen counter, with a note on it.

_This is what was left over from someone’s birthday at SI – no I don’t know who it is, because I have around a thousand employees, Pepper just gave me it and I ate some. So, help yourself – not you Barton, fuck off. _

_TS_

Reaching out, Peter pulled the cake out of the see-through container and saw that there was only about half of it left – he assumed that the team had all already had some, whilst they were watching the horror film earlier, so he was allowed one slice too…right? Cringing at the squeak from the cutlery drawer, he cut himself a generous slice and ate it right there, without a plate. The chocolate melted in his mouth and he could feel himself breathing heavily, like he was in some sort of trance…all he could focus on was the fact that he was hungry and there was cake…actually…there was an entire stocked kitchen, at his disposal.

_He deserved this right? All that starving himself had to get a reward…and this was it…a large supply of food in one kitchen…all to himself._

After devouring the slice of cake, he hastily went to cut himself another piece, which turned into 3, before something else caught his eye. Hastily, he flung open the fridge and pulled out a tub of chocolate mousse, which he ate with his fingers, scooping out giant handfuls, which he tucked into ravenously, as he sat on the kitchen floor, leaning back against the cupboards.

_Maybe filling himself up with food, would stop the overwhelming emptiness that he constantly felt inside?_

Suddenly, he craved salt and opened the nearest cupboard, to find Bucky’s favourite ready salted crisps. Handful after handful he ate, he ended up consuming the entire 500g pack, then sighed in relief, before he felt thirsty and opened the fridge again. Lifting a large bottle of creamy pink liquid that he recognised as Natasha’s morning Milkshake – a blend of berries, yoghurt, vanilla milkshake and other fresh fruit, he downed it in one, gulping loudly, as the smooth mixture ran down this throat and splattered onto the floor, in his haste to gulp the liquid down.

_foodfoodfoodeateateatsohungrysohungry_

By this point, all Peter could think about was food and how he was still hungry, despite having eaten all that. He stood up and practically leapt over the kitchen counter to the freezer, with Natasha’s milkshake dripping from his chin, onto his already chocolate smeared pajama top. He flung the door open and pulled out a giant tub of Sam and Wanda’s favourite icecream. Not even comprehending getting a spoon, he ripped the top off of the tub, and stuck his hand in, wolfing down mouthful after mouthful of icecream, until his hands started to turn slightly blue.

_Foodfoodfoodeateateatsohungrysohungry_

_Eattofilltheemptinessinside_

Next, he jumped onto the ceiling, not caring that his hands were leaving large icecream smears everywhere; then he opened one of the top cabinets, where a large jar of jam was kept. He stuck his two fingers in the jar, and ate it hurriedly, barely leaving time to swallow, before the next mouthful was in. This continued for a good 10 minutes or so, until the kitchen looked like a small explosion had gone off in it. There were crisps and biscuits everywhere, chocolate and icecream hand prints around the kitchen, small puddles of milkshake that had fallen onto the tiled floor and all the cupboards were open and messy.

Reaching for yet another packet of biscuits, Peter slipped slightly and hit his hand on the side of the freezer, which was still open and instantly he gasped and fell out of whatever trance he had been in, with a large inhale, holding his hand in pain.

‘Ouch! What th…oh fuck.’

Eyes darting around the now destroyed kitchen, Peter felt tears pouring down his face, in realisation at what had just happened. He couldn’t stop himself, he was just so hungry and all he could think of, was getting food, not caring whose it was or where it was. All of a sudden, his stomach lurched and before he knew what he was doing, he had run to the nearest bathroom and was in front of a toilet, making himself throw up again and again.

Half digested food scraped the back of his throat as he forced himself to bring it back up, as all that thundered through his head in that moment was _caloriescaloriescaloriescalories._

Nausea consumed him and Peter was practically leaning on the toilet seat with the force of his heaves, as all the newly eaten food and drink poured out of him, as he stuck his fingers back as far as they would go.

Finally, when all that came up was hot bile and a few spots of blood, Peter inhaled with relief and sank onto the bathroom floor as tears streamed down his face, landing with a soft pat on his stained pajama top.

Realisation of the entire situation set in and miserably, he walked back to his room, changed into clean pajamas, brushed his teeth and made his way back downstairs to tidy up the kitchen.

A few hours later, the kitchen was spotless and everything that he had eaten from or on, had been thrown away or wiped down and he had even managed to make Natasha a new milkshake.

Throwing on some jeans and a hoodie, he quietly snuck out of his bedroom window to go and find a shop open, to replace everything that he had eaten; that was the good thing about New York, he figured, there was always somewhere open…and the walk would burn off some more calories too, before he had to do his usual routine exercises for a couple of hours or so and then get ready for school.


	4. A friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a bad nightmare, Peter goes downstairs, but the last thing he expects is to be comforted by Natasha.

Nobody had figured out about Peter’s eating habits yet, as he was so good at hiding them, but unfortunately, the lack of sleep, barely eating and general stress was beginning to really get to him.

It was 4.31am, when Peter bolted upright, screaming loudly. He quickly clamped a hand over his mouth. Gasping for breath, he then wiped a pajama sleeve across his face, not at all surprised to see that he’d been crying in his sleep again. He sniffled miserably, as his breath hitched and images from his nightmare flashed in front of his eyes.

This particular nightmare had been from when the Vulture dropped a building on him and he couldn’t get out. Peter had never told anyone that that had happened almost a year ago, as he felt that it would be laughable compared to some of the stuff that the Avengers had dealt with. By this point, Peter had lost track of all of his nightmares, as he had so many on a regular basis – from things that happened to him as Spiderman, and then of things that happened to him as Peter Parker. Luckily, all the bedrooms were sound proof and so Peter sighed, knowing that he wouldn’t be able to get back to sleep, and crept downstairs to the kitchen.

His sock cladded feet padded softly against the hard wood floor, as he made his way into the communal kitchen, thinking back to a few nights ago, when he had almost eaten the entire contents of the kitchen and had had to go out at like 3am to replace everything, before everybody woke up. Sighing and rubbing his eyes tiredly, he reached into a cupboard and pulled his favourite Disney mug out, to make himself a coffee.

Peter fumbled with the coffee machine for a few minutes, frowning as it started to make a weird noise that he had never heard before. He switched it off and then back on a few times. Huffing in frustration. All he wanted was caffeine to wake him up; he liked holding the warm mug too, as he found that it helped to ground him after a bad nightmare.

‘What the hell?! Stupid coffee machine.’

‘You might want to put water in the machine first.’

Peter whipped around to the voice that sounded from the doorway, once again annoyed that his Spider-sense had not warned him of anyone approaching, and his eyes fixed on those of Natasha Romanoff, who was looking at him intently, with an eyebrow raised, dressed in baggy jogging bottoms and a tank top, her hair in a long side braid, it looked like she hadn’t slept yet.

‘Water in the machine?’ He echoed, as Natasha nodded, pointing to the coffee machine, which was now making a very loud buzzing sound. It took Peter a few seconds to figure out what she meant and then he sighed in annoyance at himself and at how stupid he was. He turned around and filled the machine up with water, pleased when it started to work properly.

‘Not to sound like a boring adult or anything - but isn’t it a bit early for coffee and shouldn’t you be asleep, as you have school in…’ Natasha glanced at the kitchen clock. ‘…three hours?’ Peter continued to wait for the machine to finish making his coffee, then he yawned slightly and shook his head in an effort to stay awake. He hadn’t managed to get to sleep until about half past 1, which meant that as usual, he had only had a few hours again.

‘Couldn’t sleep.’ He replied emotionlessly, pouring the now freshly brewed coffee into his cup, relishing the comfort that holding the warm mug gave him. Natasha continued to stare at him, and he found himself squirming under her gaze. She proceeded to turn the kettle on and got her own mug out of the cupboard, along with a small box that had writing on that Peter couldn’t read - it seemed to be in Russian.

‘Why?’ Shrugging in response, Peter walked into the next room and flopped down into the arm-chair by the large window and stared out of it, watching the sun rise slowly over the trees that bordered the Compound in the distance. After a few moments, Natasha joined him and sat down on the opposite sofa, silently sipping at her own cup of what smelt like very strong herbal tea, Peter felt his eyes tear up again, as he remembered that that was May’s favourite drink and he just sipped the scolding coffee, finding relief as it seared down his throat – distracting him from his thoughts.

Natasha looked over at him periodically as they sat in silence for a few minutes and she noticed how much he looked like Tony in that moment – stubborn, sleep deprived and needing coffee to function, she felt her heart clench for him and for some reason, a part of her wanted to make everything alright, so she broke the silence, speaking softly.

‘Nightmare?’ Frowning, Peter looked at Natasha, who was looking at him, over her cup of tea, which she took sips from every few seconds or so. Before he knew what, he was doing, he hummed in response and to his horror, he felt a few tears slid down his face, which he wiped away quickly. All he could feel was the weight of the rubble from the building, the smell of his own blood and the dust…so much dust and debris...

Natasha gestured to the seat next to her and Peter found himself walking over to her and sitting down, as tears rolled down his cheeks.

‘The good thing about nightmares, is that they aren’t real.’ She gave him a soft smile, looking all too much like May in that moment and Peter looked at her miserably and his face crumpled; all he wanted in that moment was a hug and to be told that everything would be ok.

‘Mi…mine was.’ Natasha frowned and put her mug down on the coffee table, then she took Peter’s too, as it was swaying dangerously in his now loose grip, as he began to cry.

Natasha froze, she had no idea how to comfort a crying teenager. Of course she’d comforted Clint’s children Lila, Cooper and Nate before, but that was easy because she’d known them for years and knew what worked to calm them down individually; Peter however, she had barely spoken to since she had met him, however for some unknown reason, she found herself desperately wanting to make sure that he was ok whenever she saw him and she had no idea if he wanted a hug or not.

So, instinctively, before she could even think of how to tackle the situation, she put an arm over his shoulders, leaving enough space between them, that he could pull away if he wanted to, but instead he flung himself into her side, sobbing quietly. She pulled him closer and gently carded her fingers through his curly hair, racking her brain for what to say, when all of a sudden Peter spoke up through his sobs.

‘At…at Homecoming…the Vulture…Liz’s dad an…and I th…thought he mis…missed…but he…he broke th…the building structure…the pillars a…and I didn’t have m…my suit…the bui…building fell…it fell on me an…and I w…was…alone and…stuck…I’m weak an…and didn’t say an…anything...’

He was talking so quietly, that Natasha had to strain to hear what he was saying, but when she pieced it together, her eyes flashed in anger for what had happened to him and she instinctively held him tighter. As soon as he finished talking and he felt Natasha holding him tightly, Peter burst into uncontrollable sobs, images from his nightmare flashing through his mind. Natasha rubbed his back, consoling the distraught teenager in her arms, rocking him back and forth slightly.

‘Shhh, it’s okay маленький паук.’ She continued to whisper reassurances to him, until his cries turned into the occasional sniffle and he looked up at her, while silent tears rolled down his cheeks. She gave him a sad smile, as Peter yawned and rubbed his eyes. He was so tired. So tired of being weak, so tired of missing May, tired of having nightmares and of feeling empty; all he wanted was to be held and to feel loved again.

Seeing his bottom lip start to wobble again, Natasha cupped his face and looked him in the eyes. ‘You are not alone here Peter. I need you to know that you are not weak or lesser than any of us on the team, for having spoken up about what happened to you, do you understand me? Having a building dropped on you… is horrific and I wish that that never had to happen to you. How did you escape?’

‘I…I lifted it.’ Natasha looked at him incredulously.

‘You lifted it.’ She repeated, as Peter sniffled and nodded tiredly.

‘How?’

‘With my arms.’ Natasha chuckled at the innocent reply – realising that Peter was indeed still a Kid. However, sitting there right now, in his dinosaur pajamas, fluffy ironman socks and tears rolling down his face, needing comfort after a nightmare, he looked a lot younger than his 14 years and Natasha felt her heart clench for him. She knew that he must be exhausted – just by the bags under his eyes and she made an executive decision. He yawned again and sniffled tiredly.

Natasha then maneuvered him to the side, pulled a blanket over them both and put her arms around him. He didn’t protest, to her relief, but immediately relaxed and she literally felt all the tension in his body disappear as she snuggled closer to her, his breath hitching slightly.

‘S’rry.’ He mumbled sadly and Natasha quietly shushed him and rubbed his back in comforting circles, as he melted into her touch.

‘Nothing to be sorry for Kid, this happens to the best of us. You’re not alone, I promise маленький паук. Now get some sleep, we’ll talk more in the morning.’

‘It is the morning.’ Yawned Peter sleepily, rubbing his eyes in an effort to stay awake.

‘Ok then, we’ll talk when it’s not nearly 5am.’ Natasha smirked at him and he gave her a small smile.

‘G’night Nat, thank you for…for helping me and…and stuff.’ Natasha planted a kiss at the top of his head, as his eyes fluttered closed and his breaths quickly evened out.

‘Anytime Kid. Sleep well. Friday? Lights please.’

The AI didn’t respond, but immediately turned the living room lights off and closed the curtains, covering the room in darkness.

For the first time in 2 weeks, Peter managed to sleep for more than a few hours and he didn’t wake up screaming or crying and he woke up with a small smile on his face because of this.

Friday informed him that it was 11am and that Natasha had left him a message: she had gone to the supermarket for a few bits, with some of the others who were awake and she’d called him in sick at school, so the two of them could spend the day together.

Peter felt his heart soar and he realised that maybe he wasn’t alone after all.


	5. A change of scenery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter opens up to Tony about his nightmare and later on, Natasha takes him on a day out - in an effort to make him more relaxed and hopefully open up to her a bit more.

‘Morning Kid. You want to tell me why I found you and arguably the most scariest woman on the planet, besides Pepper of course, snuggling on the sofa at 7am?’

Peter, who was sitting in the kitchen, sipping his hot coffee leisurely, thinking about what Natasha could have planned for that day, was jolted back to reality when Tony walked into the kitchen and put a hand on his shoulder, squeezing it in an affectionate manner, before walking over to the coffee machine and pouring himself a cup.

‘Oh…urrrr…I had a bad dream and…Natasha helped me and was really nice about it and let me fall asleep on the sofa b…because I was scared…’

Tony nodded and pulled up a stool next to Peter, looking at him with an expression of sympathy.

‘I’m glad she helped you kiddo – I’ll be sure to thank her when she gets back from shopping. You want to tell me what got you so upset about your nightmare? Sometimes it helps talking about it – even Superheros get scared you know.’ Tony tweaked Peter’s nose and he gave him a small sad smile.

‘I...at Homecoming…I didn’t tell you everything…that happened... Before I saved the plane and got Toomes, he kinda dropped…kinda dropped a building on me and…and I was stuck.’ Peter felt his knuckles clench, at the memory of Toomes dropping the building on him flashed everytime he blinked and he bowed his head, feeling the onset of a panic attack looming, whilst Tony was looking at him in shock and horror.

_‘Kid’_

Shaking his head, Peter felt the marble underneath his palms start to crack from the strength of his hands, as he tried to keep the panic attack away and Tony’s voice sounded further away with every shaky breath he took. _The rubble, the dust…so much dust and rubble…no way out…he was going to die here…all alone. Mr Stark was right…he wasn’t ready for this…all he was, was a stupid kid…way in above his head…_

‘-ter? Peter, you with me? Open your eyes and take some deep breaths kid, everything is alright.’ Peter frowned when he realised that he had had his eyes closed tightly, then he opened them and looked up at Tony, who was staring at him in a mixture of sadness and guilt.

‘There you are. Hey. Hi.’ Wrapping an arm around his shoulders, he pulled Peter in for a sideways hug and planted a kiss at the top of his head.

‘Hi.’ Peter mumbled, sighing slightly at Tony’s touch.

‘Okay, firstly, everyone has nightmares, in our line of work, it’s basically a job requirement, so I completely get how scary they can be, especially when they’re based off of real life experiences. Secondly, why the holy fuck did you not tell me that this happened, Kid? It’s important that I know whenever you get injured, let alone have a fucking building dropped on you! Fourthly, no…thirdly, I need you to know, that anytime of any day, or any night, I’m here for you, ok?’ Peter nodded and tucked his head under Tony’s chin again, as he regained control of his breathing, until he was breathing normally.

‘I didn’t think it was…important…you guys do so many amazing things and…and I just didn’t see the point in…in mentioning it...’ Tony moved so quickly, that Peter almost fell off of the stool, but the next thing he knew, he was being hugged so tightly by Tony, that he thought his ribs might snap. Tony then pulled away and cupped Peter’s face in his hands and looked him directly in the eyes.

‘I want you to listen and to listen good here Peter. You are so important and we are so lucky to have you. I should never have taken your suit away and I will regret that for the rest of my life, especially after what you’ve just told me, but that’s on me, not you. You are not weak or unimportant or anything like that, and I can only name one person that I know, who has had a building dropped on them and lived to tell the tale…’

‘…who?’ Peter interrupted, frowning slightly, as Tony shook his head in exasperation.

‘…you! I still can’t believe that it’s been like…a whole year and I’m finding out now! Damn it Kid, are you just intent on giving me random heart attacks? I do have a heart condition and I would like to live to 40, if you don’t mind.’ Peter giggled and pushed his face back into the crook of Tony’s neck, breathing in the familiar scent of the lab, black coffee and his cologne, which calmed him down slightly.

‘I’m s’rry.’ He mumbled, as Tony rubbed his back and sighed heavily. ‘Not your fault Kid, I should have been more on top of it, but after I took the suit, I just didn’t want to think about those few days and I guess as time moved on and the whole thing with the accords…I just forgot to bring it up and if I’m being honest, I didn’t want to drag it all back up.’ Peter nodded and sniffed softly.

‘I am sorry though, I should have told you, I just didn’t want to worry you.’ Tony laughed and kissed the top of Peter’s head.

‘Bud, it’s literally my job to worry about you and I do worry about you, 24/7. One question though…how did you get out of the rubble without the suit?’ Peter blinked twice and tilted his head to the side.

‘…with my arms? I told Natasha this last night. Hey! She had the same look as you do now!’ Tony’s mouth had fallen open as Peter was speaking.

_How the hell could a 14 year old, then 13, lift a whole building off of him, without a suit?!_

‘Right…just putting this out there Kiddo, but lifting a whole fucking building off of you, is like Hulk stuff. Even Capsicle and Barnes can’t lift that much! We need to do some sort of test for your strength, because you are seriously stronger than I thought. I’m going to the lab for a bit, I’ll have a look at some sort of exercise that we could do, to measure how much you can hold, because I’ll need to adjust your suit accordingly. Ok? Natasha will be back soon – and apparently she’s taking you out for the day, so have a good time, wherever she ends up taking you and I’ll see you later.’ Tony gave him a final squeeze and stood up. Peter nodded, then waved at him and turned back round to the counter to start drinking his coffee.

***

‘Where are we going?’

‘It’s a surprise.’

‘But I don’t like surprises.’

‘Tough.’

‘The beach? It’s the beach isn’t it! Can I go on the arcades?!’

‘Kid, I’ve already told you we are just driving past the beach. You’ll never guess where we’re going, so stop trying.’

‘Can we play a game?’

‘No. Can’t you just sit quietly?’

‘I’m BORED! Can we play a game though? Please? It’ll be fun, something really cool… like I-spy! I’ll go first! I-spy with my little eye, something beginning with…’

‘Боже мой.’

Natasha sighed heavily and glanced at Peter, who was currently craning his head around, looking out of the window of the car, to find something for Natasha to guess. They had been driving for around 45 minutes and already Natasha was losing the will to live. Already, they were behind schedule, as Peter had almost wet himself earlier, as he hadn’t been to the bathroom before they left – despite being told to, so Natasha had had to make an impromptu pit stop at a service station.

Natasha was taking him for a day out, so that he could relax for a bit and act like a normal kid. Also, despite herself, she wanted to get to know the Spiderling a little bit better and hoped that by getting him away from the Compound for a bit, that he would open up to her a bit better. She would never admit it to herself, but she was growing fond of him.

Now, they were speeding down the highway, away from the city and towards the beach – however, that was not where they were headed and after multiple guesses, Peter grew bored and just decided to wait until they got to wherever she had planned, however, it seemed as though his boredom had finally peaked.

‘…beginning with C!’

‘I don’t know.’

‘Come on Nat! You have to guess!’

‘Crippling pain because of this crappy excuse of a game?’

‘Noooo! A proper guess.’

‘Clouds.’

‘Oh my GOD! How did you know?!’

‘A magician never reveals his secrets.’

‘Your turn!’

‘Can I skip my turn?’

‘No! Come on Nat! Pretty please?’

‘Fine. Let me turn around this corner first, hang on.’

They drove around a corner and Natasha pulled up outside a very large black gate – which looked incredibly scary and kind of like the one in the Haunted Mansion, Peter thought, as she wound her window down and muttered something in Russian, before the gate swung open and she sped down a small road, that was surrounded on either side by enormous trees.

‘… right okay. I spy something beginning with L.’

Peter frowned, as he couldn’t see anything apart from a small road surrounded by a ton of trees, which at a first glance, looked like an overgrown forest. However, Natasha seemed to know the road and she sped down it. Peter thought that it looked like the trees led to an opening at the end of the road, which turned into a cobbled path of sorts, which they were speeding towards. Wherever they were going, Peter thought that it was very well hidden.

‘I can’t see anything…leaves on the trees?’

‘Nope.’ She said popping the ‘p’. He looked at her and she quirked an eyebrow at him, then pointed through the dashboard, as the road finally opened up, to show a building in the near distance, surrounded by a large lake. It looked exquisite and picturesque, yet homey and peaceful all at the same time.

‘Lake!’ Peter said excitedly, his eyes lighting up.

‘Well I was going for Lake House, but yeah, good job Kid.’ Natasha said smirking, then she proceeded to drive up the cobbled path, and parked outside the Lake House.

Peter stared at the Lake and the house in awe, as he got out of the car – which Natasha locked, and then he followed her up to the front door, gaping at the house.

‘If you keep your mouth open like that, you’ll catch flies.’ Natasha said playfully, as Peter snapped his mouth closed and smiled sheepishly. She smiled at him and slung an arm over his shoulders, pulled a key out of her jacket pocket and opened the front door.

‘Come on then.’

***

Opening the front door, Peter couldn’t hold back the gasp that escaped his mouth. The door opened straight into the living room, where there was a very large sofa in the middle of the room, next to a beautifully intricate fireplace, which made the room feel very homey. Also, there was a huge flat-screen TV, a big bookcase that was full of a variety of old and new books – aswell as lots of puzzles and games. There was a beautiful rosewood grand piano and a big brown door on the opposite side of the room that was closed. There were many large glass windows, which opened up the living room and there was a great view of the lake and the surrounding forest outside.

Peter looked around the room in awe and walked over to one of the windows, to see the lake, he turned back to Natasha, who was leaning on the doorframe casually, smirking at his shocked expression.

‘I take it that you like it then?’ Peter nodded and grinned. Natasha couldn’t help the genuine smile that spread across her face, seeing Peter finally so relaxed and happy – this was the first time, since his Aunt died, that Natasha remembered seeing him so happy and she made a mental note to make sure that she did what she could, so he looked like that more often.

‘Nat?’ She hummed in response, as Peter turned round and walked over to her.

‘What is this place?’ Natasha pursed her lips and gestured for him to follow her. She led him through the door on the otherside of the room, which he was pleasantly surprised to find, led to a long corridor, that had many other smaller doors coming off of it. As they walked down the corridor, they passed a small kitchen, a bedroom – decorated in a gorgeous teal colour, a smaller bedroom, decorated in a pale lilac colour, a bathroom – complete with a walk in wardrobe, a room full of training equipment, all put away neatly and even a small library. Peter went to open the door at the very end of the corridor, but he frowned when he saw that it was locked.

‘Don’t even try to get in there, because I’ll know if you do. There isn’t anything in there that you need to know about.’

‘Oh, ok, sorry. Ur…do…do you live here?’ Natasha shook her head and led him into the kitchen, where she began opening cupboards – which Peter was shocked to see were fully stocked. Natasha opened a jar of coffee, offered it to Peter who declined politely, then she started to boil water in a pan over the hob, as she spoke.

‘Technically no, but I do stay here sometimes, when I need a break. Tony made me this place a few years ago after a bad mission. I needed to get away from the city and he bought me the land here and the lake house – then paid for me to get it decorated and added extensions to it and stuff. It’s well hidden and there’s only three people who know where it is, so it’s completely safe. Tony installed multiple security measures around the boundary of the land too – like the fence to get in, which is voice activated. Questions?’

Peter fidgeted slightly and started fiddling with the hems of his sleeves. ‘Why did you bring me here?’

Natasha tilted her head slightly to look at him, as she finished making her coffee. ‘I brought you here, because like me, sometimes you feel overwhelmed. I know you’ve got a lot going on right now and I thought that by taking you away from the city for a bit, that being out in the country would clear your head slightly and this is the perfect place to do that. Here, you aren’t Spiderman, you’re just Peter and you need to let yourself act like a kid once in a while. So, in answer to your question, I brought you here, so you could spend today relaxing and enjoying yourself – away from your everyday life. What’s mine is yours – apart from the locked room, like I said before. So Kiddo, go nuts.’ Peter felt something in the pit of his stomach that he hadn’t felt in what seemed like weeks and he racked his brain to figure out what it was, but he couldn’t pinpoint the feeling.

‘Thank you, Nat.’ He said gratefully, as she nodded and gestured with her head for them to go into the living room.

‘Anytime Kid.’ Natasha put her coffee down on the coffee table, sat down on the sofa, sighing slightly, flicking the TV on lazily. Peter sat next to her awkwardly, looking at her expectantly and she rolled her eyes.

‘What?’

‘I’m…I’m not really sure what I’m meant to do now.’ He replied honestly, blushing slightly under her incredulous gaze.

‘Kid. There’s a lake outside, a huge forest that can be explored, a house that has a training room, a library and a piano in it, a flat-screen TV and more games and puzzles than I know what to do with.’

‘But, I don’t have any spare clothes or…’

‘…look in the trunk of the car. Here.’ Natasha threw him the car keys and he frowned slightly, then obediently went out of the front door and to the black BMW, opening up the boot with a gasp. Inside the boot of the car, was a small blue duffle bag, filled with a mixture of his clothes: trainers, jeans, swimming trunks (thank God it was summer), training clothes, spare t-shirts (even his favourite Disney Starwars one) and some comics. He grinned, tugged the bag out and slung it over his shoulder, then closed the boot and locked the car and then he ran back into the house.

‘How did you pack me a bag?! I didn’t even see you!’ Natasha smirked and shook her head in amusement.

‘You do know that I’m a trained spy right? It really wasn’t hard to go up to your room whilst you were asleep earlier and grab some clothes and other little bits for you. Nice Disney top by the way.’ She nodded towards the pale blue R2D2 t-shirt that was peaking out of the top of the bag and Peter hastily pulled the bag off his back and shoved the t-shirt back inside, face bright red.

‘You can dump your bag in the spare room, then go and do whatever you want. Just stay out of trouble. I’ll check on you in a bit.’ Peter nodded and mumbled a thank you, then hurried off across the hall and down the corridor, to the spare room, all whilst thinking about what he was going to do first.


	6. Lake House

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter and Natasha bond together at the Lake House skipping rocks and watching TV, but will Peter's mental health get the better of him, or can he start to overcome it, with a little bit of help?

An hour had passed, since Natasha and Peter had arrived at the Lake House and apart from a fleeting ‘see you later’ from Peter, Natasha had left him to his own devices, on the promise that he didn’t wander off too far.

Stretching slightly, Natasha yawned and turned the TV off. She loved coming to the Lake House, as it was the perfect place to recuperate and relax. If she was being honest with herself, she really needed a break in general and she had been meaning to come back here for a while – taking Peter was the perfect excuse.

Natasha walked to the opposite side of the living room, where there was a perfect view of the lake. She frowned softly, as something caught her eye in the near distance and then she walked outside via back door, breathing in the fresh warm summer air. Closing her eyes for a second, she inhaled deeply, finally feeling the stress of the last few months wash off of her and she smiled, then walked down to the lake.

‘Damn it.’

Peter huffed in frustration and sulkily stamped his foot on the pebbly bank. He had been for a swim – as Natasha had said it was fine, as long as she could see him, and so she had kept peering out of the large window to check on him periodically throughout the hour. However, she had seen him climb out and wander off a short while ago, around the side of the house, to the rockier section of the lake and curiosity taking over, she had decided to see what he had gotten up to.

Peter was currently dressed in only his swimming shorts, barefoot on the pebbly bank. He knew that all of his old scars on his arms would be on show from before the spider bite, but surprisingly he didn’t feel too concerned about it, as he knew that Natasha knew. Also, when he passed her earlier on his way outside she didn’t even give them a second glance, which made Peter feel better and more at ease with her.

Reaching out, Peter’s left hand closed around a very large, flattish rock and he launched it across the lake, watching as it was immediately engulfed by the water with a large ‘_splash’._

From this angle, Peter couldn’t see Natasha, but she could easily see him and she leant against a large oak tree and crossed her arms and tilted her head slightly, trying to figure out what he was attempting to do.

‘Come on! Come on! NO! Urgh.’

She watched as he picked up another large flattish rock and threw it as far as he could, this time it skimmed the water once and then ended up sinking with an impressive ‘splash’. Everything clicked into place and despite herself, Natasha smiled fondly at Peter, who by this point had just thrown himself down onto the floor of the bank, grabbed a handful of small pebbles and had thrown them halfway across the lake with a large sigh.

‘Need some help?’

Pete whipped around at the sound of Natasha’s voice, (once again annoyed that his Spider-sense hadn’t warned him that she was approaching) and frowned slightly, then huffed again and nodded miserably. Natasha might not have been the best example of somebody who had had lots of practise at camping (apart from when it involved a stake out or murdering of some sort), but she had been on multiple trips with the Barton’s – and one of her jobs as fun Auntie Nat, was to skim rocks sometimes with Lila and Cooper, so she knew the basics.

‘You need to pick a flat one, otherwise it’ll be off balance and it won’t work.’ Walking over to Peter, she reached down and picked up a completely flat shiny black rock, the size of her palm. Peter stood up next to her and looked at her in shock.

‘You know how to skim rocks?’ She quirked an eyebrow at him and nodded slightly.

‘Yes. I’m not just an assassin all the time. To Clint’s kids, I’m known as Auntie Nat, so I had to learn as it kind of comes with the job description. Anyway, you clearly don’t know how to skim rocks, I thought that all kids did this sort of stuff, so how come you can’t?’

Peter fidgeted awkwardly, kicking a few pebbles with his bare feet and Natasha almost felt like she’d overstepped, when he spoke softly.

‘My Uncle died, b…before he, I mean…we had our first ever camping trip planned together but ur…then he died…so after he died, we couldn’t go anymore – as May has no idea about camping.’ He laughed nervously, unsure why he was actually being honest with her, as he could have easily made something up, but he felt oddly calm with her here. Natasha saw how the laugh didn’t reach his eyes and she tentatively put a hand on his shoulder, then looked him in the eyes.

‘Well then, guess it’s good that I’m here then. I’ll teach you.’ She offered kindly and Peter gave her a small smile.

‘I’d like that, thank you.’

After half an hour or so, they could both be found on the pebbly section that led to the lake, smiling happily, with a large pile of flat rocks in the middle of them. Natasha was watching and giving small corrections to Peter, who had yet to get his rock to skip more than once, but he was determined to keep going and Natasha admired that about him.

‘Look! I did it!’ Peter suddenly exclaimed excitedly, as he watched his rock skip 3 times in a row before it fell into the lake with a ‘plop’.

‘Good job Kid. You did well.’ Natasha smiled at him and he basked in the praise and went to pick up another rock, before giving her a mischievous look.

‘Bet I can beat you now I’ve got the hang of this!’ He challenged and threw his rock into the lake, it skipped 7 times without stopping that time and Natasha raised an eyebrow.

‘Beat that!’ Natasha blinked twice, as if shocked that he had asked her to essentially join him in his game, then she nodded, bent down to pick a rock out of the pile and then turned back to Peter, with a smirk.

‘Careful who you challenge Kid. I’m the master at this, the only person who has beat me is Clint and that was one time. Watch and learn.’ She expertly tossed her rock across the lake, smirking as it skipped 26 times in a row before it stopped. Peter’s mouth hung open and she laughed in amusement.

‘H…how?’ He managed through his gasp, as Natasha gestured for him to follow her inside.

‘A magician never reveals their secrets.’ She smiled, as Peter giggled and followed her back to the lake house.

***

After Peter had gotten a quick shower and had changed into some shorts and a t-shirt, relieved to be cool after being outside for so long. Natasha walked into the living room carrying a large tray of what looked like a plate full of peanut butter and grape jelly sandwiches, along with a bowl of apple slices, some carrot sticks and two glasses of water. Peter’s stomach immediately churned, his eyes widened, and all of his anxieties about food came flooding back to him at once.

_How could he have been so stupid? How had he managed to not think about food in almost two hours?_

_Stupidstupidstupid _

_Of course, he would have had to eat here, in front of Natasha. He didn’t even think about that! How could he not have thought about that?! _

_There was so much food on that tray, so much, too much, way too much!_

_How many calories are on that tray? Probably more than he’s eaten in a week! Surely she didn’t expect him to eat all that? What if he refused? She’d find out that he’s a pathetic excuse of a human and what if…_

‘-arth to Peter?’

‘NO!’ Natasha looked at him incredulously, as she sat down and put the tray on the coffee table in front of them.

‘What?’ Peter pulled his knees to his chest and started to breath heavily. The smell of the food was starting to make him feel nauseous as he realised just how hungry he really was. Since last night, all he had eaten was a few apples, a couple of rice cakes and drunk some coffee.

Natasha hesitantly reached over an put a steady hand on his trembling shoulder. He flinched but didn’t run off.

‘Help me out here Kid, I honestly have no idea what’s going on right now. Do you need me to call Tony?’ Peter just shook his head and tried to focus on his breathing, as Natasha rubbed her hand comfortingly on his shoulder. Slowly he calmed down enough to look up at her and she raised an eyebrow, at his scared expression.

‘What’s going on Kid? I might have cool magician skills, but I can’t read minds.’ Natasha deadpanned, eyes searching Peter’s for any indication as to what his mini breakdown was about.

‘I’m sorry.’

‘Didn’t ask for an apology Kid. What’s going on in that head of yours?’ Peter blushed, suddenly feeling very embarrassed and he bowed his head. Meanwhile, Natasha was rapidly thinking. She thought back to the very first time that she had helped him with his self harming – this wasn’t the same breakdown as that one was, this one was much more sudden, but also more controlled, as he wasn’t crying at all, or breathing heavily anymore – did something scare him then? Focussing on the moments before he broke down, all she remembered was walking into the room with the lunch that she had prepared for them both…then everything clicked into place.

‘You don’t want to eat, but not because you’re fussy – you’re not a fussy Kid, so that could only mean that it’s about you having control, isn’t it?’ Natasha said, it wasn’t a question, more of a statement and the top of Peter’s head bobbed up and down as he nodded in response. She opened her mouth to reply, but instead closed it, deciding to let Peter speak and lead the conversation, if he wanted to. 

‘It is…about the…the control I mean.’ He all but whispered, after a few minutes of sitting in a relatively awkward silence. Natasha hummed in acknowledgement and nodded at him to continue.

‘You know about…about…’ He trailed off, gesturing to his arms, breathing quicker and Natasha was quick to nod, then she put a comforting hand over his own, as he composed himself.

‘I…I haven’t done that…since then, but eating…it’s hard and…if I do, I feel that…’

‘…that you’re losing control.’ Natasha finished, as Peter nodded sadly.

At this point, Natasha pursed her lips, her mind whirring – thinking how best to handle the situation. She had no idea just how bad Peter’s eating habits were, but if he was avoiding a plate of apple slices, carrot sticks and small sandwiches, then it couldn’t be good; also she wanted to help him, but didn’t want him to think that she was prying, so she went for a different tactic.

‘I’ll be right back.’ Peter frowned and watched her walk down the hall, he felt tears prickle in the corner of his eyes, as he looked at the full plate of food, but he swallowed the lump in his throat and stared determinedly at his lap.

Natasha came back in a manner of seconds, carrying a small side plate. Not saying anything, she sat back down on the sofa and proceeded to put a bit of everything on the plate – but not so much.

‘Here.’ Peter looked across at her and was pleasantly surprised when he looked at the plate, she was offering him and didn’t feel as overwhelmed. He was tempted to take it and even reached out a hand to get it, but quickly retracted it as his mind started buzzing again.

Caloriescaloriescaloriescalories

Natasha frowned slightly for a second, then schooled her face into her usual neutral one and put the plate down, and took everything off of it. She racked her head for ideas and then remembered something that she decided to try. Natasha then handed him the plate with a single sandwich on it, as she picked up one for herself. He took it hesitantly and looked at it with such a scared expression that Natasha’s heart broke slightly and this made her all the more determined to help him.

‘We are going to eat the same amount. I know your Spidery powers or whatever, need a bit more, but by the looks of how those clothes are hanging off of you, you’ve not had a great eating schedule anyway. I doubt you’re even eating as much as I am on a day to day basis, so we’ll start small. You don’t need to tell me anything, I’m not going to ask. All I do ask though, is what do you want to watch?’ Peter looked up at her with a surprised expression. He had expected her to berate him for not eating enough, but yet again, she completely took him by surprise.

‘That, that sounds…yeah…I could do that…thanks, urrr…maybe Friends?’ Natasha chuckled softly and turned the TV on, then took a bite out of her sandwich. Peter continued to stare at the sandwich on his plate; the way the jam oozed out slightly of the immaculately cut brown bread and the trickle of peanut butter that had been smeared on the crust slightly. 

‘It’s not going to eat itself.’ Natasha deadpanned, eyes focussed on the TV. Peter saw that she had eaten most of her sandwich already and he willed himself to take a bite, but he couldn’t do it. Natasha glanced sideways at him when he wasn’t looking at her, then she turned her attention back to the TV and decided to try a different approach, to encourage Peter to eat.

‘You know, I think it’s really stupid that Chandler and Monica took that long to get together. They were basically flirting with each other for like the first 5 seasons or whatever. I still can’t believe that she dated that older guy…what was his name? Rick? No Richard! She basically dumped a billionaire – who looks a hell of a lot like Happy Hogan actually, and then went out with like a 60 year old guy! To be honest though, he did have one hell of a moustache. Also, just putting it out there that Rachel and Ross were definitely on a break.’ Peter found himself giggling at her serious expression, as she spoke.

Before he knew it, they were both talking together about many of the episodes they had watched and who was their favourite character; after a while, Peter looked down at the main tray on the coffee table and was shocked to see that all the food was gone! Peter didn’t even remember eating the food – Natasha had kept putting things on his plate, whilst they were talking. Despite eating all of that, he found that he didn’t feel guilty about it, and realised that they had been sat there for over an hour and he hadn’t thrown up either – he didn’t feel like he wanted to make himself sick for some reason, maybe because he was too busy talking and watching the TV? Natasha glanced at him and saw the questions whirr through his head; she smiled gently at him, then ruffled his hair.

‘Distraction techniques, they work a charm.’

Peter smiled and leant over and gave her a quick hug. Natasha froze and tensed up immediately when Peter made contact with her body. She was not a person for hugs or physical contact – unless it was killing anyone; but the tension quickly dissipated and she returned the hug and gave him a kind smile. He smiled back and then he looked at her seriously.

‘Thank you.’

‘No problem Kid – it’s very similar to the techniques that I used to do with Clint’s Kids when they didn’t eat – you know, if they didn’t like the food or were just being fussy.’ Natasha said, then she raised an eyebrow as Peter gave her a mischievous grin.

‘Does this mean that I can call you Auntie Nat now?’ She flicked the TV off and shoved him playfully, he giggled and she smiled at him fondly.

‘Sure Kid. Now, I don’t know if you saw, but I also have a really cool speedboat that we could take a ride in, around the lake if you want?’ Peter’s eyes lit up and he nodded vigorously as Natasha chuckled softly at his excited expression.

‘Yeah!’


	7. Finding Nemo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will Peter finally open up to Natasha or will he keep everything a secret???

The rest of the afternoon spent at the Lake House, included a huge speedboat ride around the lake, lots of games of chess and Peter managing to convince Natasha into having a big game of hide and seek – which Natasha won, after Peter had spent 43 minutes looking for her as she had hidden herself underneath the car.

Currently, Peter was sitting in the living room, trying to unscramble a rubix cube, with little luck. Sighing, he gave it up as a bad job and went looking for Natasha – who he hadn’t seen in quite a while. After checking everywhere, Peter was starting to get worried. He walked through the back door, into the house but stopped in his tracks after he heard a faint sound of classical music playing from somewhere. Following it, he came across the locked door at the end of the corridor.

_Maybe she’s hidden a body in there and is torturing them right now?! No…she wouldn’t do that with me in the house... would she? _

Reaching out, his left hand slowly and quietly turned the door knob and to Peter’s great surprise, it moved and the door started to open.

He very quietly opened it until he could peak through it clearly and he had to press his hand to his mouth to stifle a gasp. There was no dead body and nothing to do with torture at all.

It was a very large room, full of mirrors on one wall and it had a beautiful wooden floor. On one side, there were no mirrors, only a pale cream coloured wall and a ballet bar. The windows were on the side, opposite the door, which overlooked the lake and created a very peaceful atmosphere in the room. Peter’s eyes fell on the figure in the middle of the room, who was currently dancing to a soft piano piece.

Natasha was wearing her clothes from before, black shorts and a green tank top, except now, she was also wearing pale pink ballet slippers and her usually long red and blonde hair that she wore in braids, was tied up into a bun. She twirled and leapt across the room in perfect sync with the music and Peter watched her in awe, as she pirouetted many times and then jumped quite literally into the air and landed effortlessly.

Peter didn’t know how long he stood there, watching her dance for, he felt mesmerised by her talent and skill and wondered how she had learnt Ballet and why this room was closed off. Maybe she was nervous in front of people and kept this all a secret? Why would she though, because she has so much skill? Does anyone else know a…

‘I thought I told you not to come in here?’

Peter was jolted from his thoughts as Natasha slowly turned around to look at him, with an almost amused expression on her face.

‘O…oh…you did, but I… I heard music and I…and I wondered where you’d gone to. I’m really sorry, I’ll just…I’ll just go back and I won’t tell anyone an…’

‘…Kid. Relax, it’s fine.’

‘I…I’m really sorry.’

Peter started to retreat slowly from the room, his eyes fixed on the floor, but suddenly Natasha was in front of him and she held her hand out to him; he took it and she gently pulled him into the middle of the room.

‘Curiosity isn’t a sin, but you should exercise caution.’ Peter nodded and looked sheepishly at the floor.

‘Yeah…I know I’m really sor…’ He then grinned and looked at Natasha incredulously, who smiled. ‘Hang on! You just quoted Professor Dumbledore! You watch Harry Potter?!’

‘I might be a trained spy and assassin, but yes, I have watched Harry Potter – Lila and Cooper are also very fond of it. I’ve read the books to them many times at bedtime.’ She said, laughing at Peter who looked gobsmacked.

‘Wow, you’re not so scary after all!’ Natasha smirked, then before Peter could react, she swept his feet out from under him and he fell to the floor; she then climbed on top of him and started to tickle him ruthlessly.

‘Okay, okay! I take it back!’ He said laughing through his gasps. Natasha nodded in satisfaction and stopped tickling him. She stood up and offered him a hand.

‘I am sorry though.’

‘Don’t worry about it. I come here to relax and it helps me to take my mind off stuff sometimes; I should have expected you’d be curious about what was in here. Out of curiosity though, what did you think was in here?’

‘I thought you’d hidden a body in here.’ Peter said honestly and to his surprise Natasha laughed loudly.

‘What?!’ He said defensively, as Natasha continued to laugh.

‘You thought that I’d keep a dead body in here?’

‘Well…no, an alive one that you were torturing. You’re the Black Widow!’ Peter explained as Natasha ruffled his hair fondly and led him over to the ballet bar, whilst she rummaged in a small cupboard next to it.

‘Yes I am, but there are no bodies in here Kid, I promise. Anyway, now that you’re here, do you fancy joining me?’ Natasha said as she walked back over to the bar. Peter eyed the pair of plain black ballet slippers that she held out to him and frowned softly.

‘I don’t know how.’

Smiling, Natasha gestured for him to put on the slippers. ‘I’ll teach you.’

***

Three hours later, Peter had successfully mastered the main 5 ballet positions, he had helped Natasha cook pasta and had managed to eat a full bowl of it, without throwing up. Now, he and Natasha were sat in the living room, watching an episode of Friends.

As much as Natasha tried to act somewhat intimidating in front of Peter, she found herself relaxing in his company a lot more and even felt protective over him. As much as she didn’t want to admit it to herself, she was starting to grow very fond of Peter and decided to try to spend a bit more time with him when they got back to the Compound.

The evening sun was setting and it was starting to get dark outside. Natasha stretched and yawned and poked Peter’s side.

‘Come on then, we’d better head off.’

‘Do we have to go?’ Whined Peter, as Natasha glanced at her watch. She tilted her head and turned to look at Peter, who was sprawled out next to her on the sofa, pouting.

‘You want to stay?’ Peter sat up so quickly that Natasha was sure that he had gotten whiplash.

‘Can we?!’ Natasha wasn’t surprised in the slightest and she found herself wanting to instantly agree and stay for the night, but she knew that it wasn’t up to her.

‘Well, I’ll need to ring Tony first and you have school tomorrow, but I suppose another day off will be alright, as long as you promise to catch up on the work you’ve missed.’ Peter nodded rapidly, as she pulled out her phone and dialled Tony.

‘Hey Tony.’

_‘Nat – is everything alright? How’s Peter been? Where did you end up going?’_

‘The Lake House and yes it’s all fine. Peter has just asked if he can stay the night here actually.’

_‘Wow, really? Take it he’s had fun then?’ _

‘Yes. So, I called you – as you’re his adopted parent and all that.’

_‘Thanks Nat, yeah it’s fine with me…oh he won’t have any pajamas or anything though!’_

‘I packed him some extra clothes in his duffel bag, so he can wear them.’

_‘Sneaky Red.’_

‘No, just organised and I always plan ahead. I thought that he might want to stay if he liked it, so I brought some extra stuff for him, just in case.’

_‘Well it’s fine by me. Just make sure he’s back for tomorrow afternoon – we’re having a lab evening. Has he behaved himself?’ _

‘Ok, thanks. Yeah, he’s a good Kid.’

_‘He is. Bye Nat and thanks.’_

‘No problem. See you.’

Natasha hung up and looked at Peter who was grinning from ear to ear.

‘You shouldn’t listen to people’s conversations Kid.’

Peter shrugged. ‘I actually can’t help it, my Spider-senses let me hear stuff from like a mile away sometimes. Frequencies are really hard for me to ignore – so phonecalls and TV and stuff are easy for me to listen to.’

‘Right, ok, well not that I need to tell you, but Tony said it’s fine. Go get dressed for bed and we can watch a movie.’ Peter smiled and thanked her, then ran off into the spare bedroom.

Natasha watched him go and found herself smiling fondly.

A few minutes later, she heard loud footsteps, followed by Peter bounding into the living room – dressed in sweat pants and a Disney t-shirt.

‘Pick a movie Kid.’ Natasha passed him the remote for the TV and walked over to the fireplace and put it on softly, creating a lovely glow that surrounded the room and made it look very homey. She sat back down and saw Peter visibly relax into the seat next to her, and she looked at the TV, then rolled her eyes at his choice of movie: Finding Nemo.

‘No.’

‘Please?!’

‘No.’

‘Why?’

‘Because I said so.’

‘That’s not a good reason!’

‘It’s the only one I’m giving. Pick something else.’

‘Please? Me and M…I mean I love this film and you’ll really like i…’

‘…No. Stop whining, or I’ll pick something. It’s a little kids film that I’ve seen about a million times before with Lila, and each time is more torturous than the last. Pick something else.’

Natasha then froze, as Peter’s face crumpled. He bowed his head, and curled in on himself, the remote forgotten next to him. Natasha frowned as she saw that he was sitting hunched over slightly and his shoulders were shaking.

‘Kid?’

He shook his head back and forth and Natasha started to grow concerned. She was about to ask him if he was okay, when suddenly, before she could blink, Peter quickly stood up and ran through the door.

Natasha immediately followed him, no longer caring if she was the Black Widow or not, the only thing that mattered now is that Peter was crying, presumably because of her, and for some reason, her Auntie Nat instincts kicked in.

She didn’t care if he was just overreacting to being told no to his movie choice or not, but something in her was telling her that that seemed very unlike him to react in that way. Natasha had a gut feeling that there was something else going on and she desperately wanted to find out, so she could help him. That was the whole point of the day, so that he felt that he could trust her and hopefully open up to her.

She was jolted from her thoughts, when she found herself outside of the spare room door, which was fully shut. Hesitantly, she reached for the handle, then she froze, as she heard the unmistakeable sounds of muffled sobbing coming from inside.

_Shit._

Before she could even think of how best to handle the situation, she found herself opening the door and looking into the spare room, which seemed pretty much empty, besides the duffle-bag on the neatly made bed. Natasha entered the room and followed the sounds of sobbing, which led into the wardrobe. It was almost closed, but not entirely and Natasha silently crossed the room and slowly knelt down in front of the wardrobe. She pulled the handle and the door swung open, to reveal Peter, who was curled up in a ball, sobbing his heart out, as tears cascaded down his cheeks. He looked up at Natasha and burst into a new set of tears.

Natasha did the only thing that she could think of, and she smiled kindly at him, then opened her arms for him. Her heart broke as he looked at her again, looking much younger than his 14 years, and he immediately jumped into her arms and hugged her, sobbing in earnest. She carded her fingers through his curly hair and rocked him back and forth slightly, hoping to provide any sort of comfort for him. She was completely confused and had no idea how to comfort a hysterical teenager, so she decided to go with her instincts.

‘Hey, shhhhh, you’re alright Kid. What’s going on?’

Natasha waited for a response, but all she could make out were muffled ‘sorrys’ and more crying. She waited patiently for a few minutes, rubbing his back and whispering reassurances to him, until finally his sobs subsided and turned into hitching breaths.

‘S’rry.’ Natasha shook her head and pulled him closer to her chest, then kissed the top of his head.

‘Don’t be.’ She replied firmly, and continued to rub his back, as he fisted her top in his hands, as if scared that she would leave him. He sniffled sadly and wiped a fist over his face, before looking up at Natasha through red-rimmed eyes.

‘I…B…before…me and May wo…would watch Finding N…Nemo together on m…movie ni…nights. I...I...b...but...now I'm on my own and... I…I’m sorry…I miss her and I know it’s…it’s a kids film b…but I thought watching it…w…would make m…me feel…better…I…I miss her!’ He started crying again and Natasha felt her heart drop into her stomach. She felt terrible.

‘God Kid, I had no idea. I’m so sorry. I just thought you’d picked it to wind me up or something.’ She felt Peter shake his head and her heart clenched for him, as she felt his tears soak through her top.

‘I know I’m not your Aunt May, but I want you to know that I am here for you.’ Peter didn’t reply, but he cried harder and Natasha felt at a loss for what to say to him, so on a spur of the moment, she decided to just ask him outright if there was anything wrong and hope that he trusted her enough to confide in her.

‘Do you want to tell me anything маленький паук?’ Natasha asked softly, as Peter nodded slightly and hiccoughed miserably.

‘I…I just feel so alone.’ He wailed and turned his face into her chest again, as she nodded and hummed sympathetically, encouraging him to continue.

‘I mi…miss May a…and I just w…want her hugs and for h…her t…to tell me th…that…everything will be…okay…because it d…doesn’t seem like I…it ever will b…be again!’ Peter sobbed and Natasha found herself holding him tighter.

‘I hate t…throwing up all th…the time…and not…not eating m…much an…and nightmares an…and pan…panic attacks and t…trying n…not to cut m…myself.’ Natasha nodded, but quietly shushed him, as she felt his breathing start to grow erratic – the last thing she wanted was for him to work himself up into a panic attack.

‘Shhhh, shhhhh, we’ll get through this together маленький паук. I’ll try and help as much as I can, I promise.’ Natasha soothed, carding her fingers through his hair; she relaxed slightly as she felt Peter’s breaths start to even out, as he stopped crying as hard.

After a few minutes, Peter looked up at her with his big brown eyes, as tears continued to slip down his cheeks and he looked at her with so much adoration and love that Natasha felt her heart melt right then and there – and she made a mental promise that she would always protect him to the best of her ability.

‘Auntie Nat?’ Natasha inwardly smiled at the cute title and at how natural it was for Peter to call her that – even though they’d only grown closer in the past few weeks. She raised an eyebrow and wiggled it at him – earning a small giggle from him, which made her heart soar.

‘Hmm?’

‘Thank you.’ He sniffled and sat up, rubbing his eyes tiredly. Natasha gave him a kind smile and nodded.

‘No worries Kiddo. We all have our own shit to deal with, there’s no judgement from me. Now, how about we go and watch Finding Nemo?’

Peter frowned and shook his head sadly. ‘You said it was torturous.’

Natasha felt like she had just watched a puppy being killed in front of her, as she looked at the heart broken expression on Peter’s face and she was determined to make sure that she never saw that expression on his face again.

‘That was before I realised that it’s actually been like a year since I’ve seen it and also, I really fancy watching a movie about some singing Australian Fish now, so come on.' Natasha stood up and held out her hand to Peter, who smiled properly and gave her a big hug.

‘Easy Kid, don’t want people to think that I have emotions.’ She joked softly and Peter giggled. Natasha slung her arm over his shoulders and led him into the living room.

And if by the time the credits rolled at the end of Finding Nemo and Natasha and Peter were fast asleep on the sofa smiling slightly, cuddled up together under a large fluffy blanket, opposite the dying embers from the fireplace; then nobody else had to know.


	8. Lost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back at the Compound, Peter's mental health spirals out of control.

‘Hey Bud, pass me that screw driver would you?’

‘Why is it called a screw driver? Shouldn’t it be called a screw screwer? That makes much more sense, because you don’t drive with a screw – that’s just weird!’

‘Kid.’

‘Oh right, sorry Mr Stark, here you go.’

Tony sighed dramatically and gave Peter a fake annoyed expression, who feigned innocence immediately and held out the screw-driver for him.

‘How many times do I have to tell you to call me Tony? Mr Stark makes me feel old.’ Peter grinned apologetically and easily fixed a few stray wires into the piece of the Spider-Man suit that he was upgrading with Tony’s help.

Natasha had driven Peter back to the Compound that afternoon, after they had both spent the morning at the Lake House together, playing extreme Chess – which was basically just chess, but outside, which Peter loved; she had then gone straight to the training room to spar with Clint and Steve when they’d returned at the Compound. Peter was sad that he had to go back, but he did feel better in himself after the little trip and was now currently in Tony’s lab, making adjustments to the Spider-Man suit happily.

‘Sorry, no can do Mr Stark, I was brought up to respect my elders, _Mr Stark_.’

‘You cheeky little shit.’

‘Don’t let Mr Rogers hear you talk like that!’

‘You’re a pain in my ass Kid.’

‘Maybe, but at least I’m a polite pain in your ass!’ He giggled and ducked as Tony playfully threw a paperclip in his direction.

‘You polite? Don’t make me laugh. You’re the sassiest Kid I know!’

‘That’s because I’m like the _only_ Kid you know _Mr Stark_.’

‘Underoos I’m about to throw this screwdriver at your head.’ Tony deadpanned, as Peter burst out laughing. Tony huffed and bent down to fix a particularly stubborn section of a prototype he had built for a new Spider-Man outfit, as Peter carried on talking.

‘I can’t help it! It’s not my fault! May taught me how to address…I…I mean…it doesn’t matter, c…can you pass the wrench…p…please?’ Tony glanced up from the prototype, upon hearing the sudden cracks and stutters in Peter’s voice.

It was like all of Peter’s anxieties and worries had returned a million times more powerful than they had been over the past day or so and he found himself unable to breathe properly, as he realised something…

How could he let himself have a good time with Natasha and now with Tony, knowing that only a few weeks ago, May had died and he did nothing to stop it?

He saved people’s lives everyday, but he couldn’t save the one person that he cared most about.

It was his fault.

He should have been there.

He needed to be there and he wasn’t.

He was useless, a worthless orphan.

He was never going to be free from all the shit in his head; he was doomed to a lifetime of sadness and pain.

_Cutcutcutcutcutcutcutcutcutcutcutcutcut_

‘You okay Bud?’

Tony narrowed his eyes and looked at Peter intently for a few moments, who had his eyes fixed on the section of the suit he had been working on and he looked very rigid and not at all talkative all of a sudden.

‘Kid?’ No response, Tony frowned, then put down the screw-driver and other materials he had in his hands. He looked at Peter properly and saw that his eyes seemed to be slightly glazed over and he seemed to now be taking the wires apart from the section that he had just finished, with his bare hands. Tony furrowed his eyebrows and stood up, then he walked over to see how Peter was doing and to make sure that he wasn’t hurting himself by accident on the wires. Tony tried to get his attention again, but slightly louder this time.

‘Peter?!’

Peter’s head whipped up and he focussed albeit slowly on Tony’s face, before turning back to looking down at the suit, not even realising that his hands were slightly bleeding in places, from being cut on the wires. ‘Wha-oh…sorry, I remembered that I’d fixed these…these wires up wrong.’ He said in a monotone, fumbling slightly with the wires that he had just finished putting in the suit. Tony put a comforting hand on Peter’s stiff shoulder and softened his tone, realising that Peter was beginning to tremble slightly.

‘Kid, you need to stop. Come on, they look fine, really…’

‘…No! They can be better!’

‘Peter, you’ve fixed them perfectly, they’re as fixed as they can be. You did good Kid. Let’s just relax and go watch a movie or something – we’ve been down here for ages now an…’

‘No! Mr Stark - they need to be better…I can do it…I will, I promise, because they need to be better and…if they aren’t better…bad things happen and…they just need to be…I need to be…I’m sorry…I’m sor…I…I need to go.’ Peter promptly stood up, grabbing his phone and knocking over a stool in his haste, he then ran out of the room.

‘Peter?! Wait!’

The door to the lab slammed shut behind Peter, and Tony was left in the room – feeling very confused and concerned, staring at the now jumbled pile of wires that were protruding from the suit.

‘Hey, you with me Fri?’

_‘Always Boss.’_

‘Where did he go?’

_‘My scanners indicate that he is currently on the first floor.’_

‘Where’s he going?’

_‘Unfortunately, I can no longer track him, as he has just overridden my protocols from his phone and has blocked me from telling you where he is.’_

‘Fuck. Right okay, tell the others to stay on the lookout for Peter and lockdown the Compound – I reckon if he gets the chance, he’d go out if he has his suit or not and I do not want him going out in this state.’

_‘No problem, message sent.’_

‘Thanks Friday.’

Tony hurriedly ran out of the Compound and up to the first floor, to find Peter.

***

Peter ran and ran. His heart thundered in his chest as sobs wracked his body. He could barely see through his tears and had no idea where he was running to. He wanted to feel pain, to make himself bleed. May dying was all his fault, because he wasn’t better and he had allowed himself to have a day or so of fun, when he should have been punishing himself because he wasn’t good enough.

He was never good enough, always sick of feeling pain, of feeling alone and sad. It was like a balloon in his chest had been filling steadily and had just reached its limit and was suffocating him from the inside out.

Cutcutcutcutcutcutcutcutcutcutcutcut

Peter didn’t remember leaving the lab, or hastily reprogramming Friday on his phone through his tears, or running straight to his bedroom and grabbing his razor and slicing his arm open, or even the journey to where he was now; all he knew was that he wanted to break down very badly and for some reason he was suddenly sitting outside Natasha’s bedroom door, tears cascading down his cheeks, a faint throbbing on his left arm.

‘Kid?’

The door opened, to show the concerned face of Natasha Romanoff – who upon seeing the tearstained 14 year old’s face, immediately knelt down in front of Peter and quietly shushed him as he sniffled and hid his face in his hands.

He shook his head and shuffled back slightly, stifling a sob. Putting her hands up in a placating gesture, she stood up and quickly scanned his body for possible injuries – her eyes of course, landed on the dark red patch on the left arm of his pale blue hoodie and she inhaled sharply.

‘Shit. Hey Kid, listen to me, you’re going to be alright. I’m here, маленький паук, shhhhh, you’re alright. Come here. Let me help you.’

Peter shook his head again and squeezed his eyes shut.

_This was all one big nightmare and he’d wake up back in the Lake House, he’d wake up back in his old house in Queens with May and they’d be happy again, together…no. That won’t happen, because May’s dead and he wasn’t there to save her and it was his fault and he didn’t deserve any type of comfort, all he deserved was pain and hurt and sadness._

_Why couldn’t he breathe? Was the room getting smaller? Why was his arm hurting so much, oh…oh no…no…not again…stupidstupidstupidstupid…_

It was too much. He snapped his eyes open, then looked at his arm, stifling a sob. He then found himself looking into Natasha’s concerned green eyes and he realised that she reminded him too much of May. Natasha’s flowery perfume tickled his nose, just like May’s used to do and more tears streamed down his face.

Natasha made a move to hug him, to try and keep him grounded, but Peter looked at her with a heartbroken expression – she was too much like May in that moment, then he moved backwards. Natasha knew what was about to happen before it did. Peter continued to shuffle backwards until he hit the wall behind him and of course, he instantly burst into tears at the contact, as it touched his bloody arm.

_‘Oh, Peter.’_

All Peter knew at that moment, was that everything was too much. He wanted to hide away from everything, so he did the only thing that he could think of.

He ran.


	9. Hide

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter's anxieties have gotten the better of him and he feels utterly trapped in the Compound - especially after Tony puts it on lockdown. All he wants to do is to be left alone and hide, will anyone manage to find him?

Flinging himself around corners of the Compound’s many corridors, Peter ran and ran, gasping through the force of his sobs.

He needed to escape, to breathe, to go somewhere high up, away from everything. He froze down the 2nd floor corridor, as Steve, Sam and Bucky appeared at the other end of it – Steve’s mouth was moving, calling for something…for someone, but Peter couldn’t hear anything over the buzzing in his head and the urge to flee, to escape, to hide was too strong. So he turned back the way he came and bolted down another corridor. Reaching the front door, he pulled on the handle, but it wouldn’t budge, despite his strength – next came the windows, which were also subsequently locked. He was trapped.

Head pounding and tears pouring down his face, he ran into the kitchen, ignoring the concerned voices of Vision and Rhodey, then quickly he hoisted himself up into the Vent and crawled away.

He crawled as quickly as he could, until he was far away from the kitchen, and was somewhere up on the 3rd floor – nobody would think to find him here, he thought, and he pressed his back up against the wall of the Vent, hugged his knees to his chest and sobbed.

_Why did I have to break down like that? Why couldn’t I have just held it all together like a normal person and not made such another huge mess of things?_

_Useless, worthless, pathetic, everyone hates me, everyone knows now, they’ll kick me out._

_Too much_

_Too loud_

_Help_

_Don’t deserve help_

_cantbreathecantbreathe_

_stupidstupidstupidstupidstupid_

_cutcutcutcutcutcutcu-_

‘-ter? Squirt, what’s going on? Friday sent out a message saying that you ran off from Tony and that we needed to keep an eye out for you – is everything alright?’

Not remembering when he closed his eyes, Peter snapped them open at the familiar voice of Clint Barton, who was knelt down in front of him, in the Vent with a worried expression on his face. He scrambled backwards and realised that he was essentially trapped between the wall of the Vent and Clint. He shook his head rapidly and tried to get a control over his breathing, which was becoming more and more erratic by the second. He completely forgot that Clint used the Vents as a means to get around the Compound and once again, felt utterly stupid.

‘Okay, so that’s a firm ‘you’re not alright’ then?’ Clint joked, trying to calm Peter down, but all that did was make him more upset. Clint surveyed the boy quickly, then rubbed his hand down his face and debated what to do, but despite the low lighting in the Vent, his eyes flickered to the dark red patch on Peter’s arm that clearly shouldn’t be there and his eyes widened, when he put two and two together.

‘Peter…your arm. Did you…did you do that to yourself?’

Peter looked up at Clint and nodded, then burst into a new set of tears; he pulled his knees to his chest and buried his face in his hands.

Thinking on the spot of how best to deal with the situation, Clint murmured reassurances to Peter, who by this point was completely hysterical and was sobbing his heart out.

Clearly, this was a secret, as Friday had informed everyone that he had run away from Tony – who had told everyone to keep a lookout and Natasha had already messaged him, that Peter had been seen climbing into the Vent; and that he needed to find Peter immediately and take him to see her. Clint frowned slightly, trying to fit the pieces of the puzzle together_. _

_Why would Natasha want Peter brought to her, if he had run away from Tony? His arm…who knew about his arm? Had he told anyone? Why would Natasha want him brought to her…unless…unless Natasha knew about Peter’s arm…which was why she’d been spending a lot more time with him, and she even took him to the Lake House…yes - that definitely made sense._

Clint whipped his phone out of his pocket and sent Natasha a message – hoping that he had come to the right conclusion and not just a random one. Anyway, if Natasha didn’t know about Peter’s self-harming and was just worried about him, then he could just make something up to explain the message and take care of the situation himself.

** **Private Chat****

**The2ndbestSpy: **Found the Kid. We’re in the Vent, over the Music Room on the 3rd Floor. You know what’s been going on with him, don’t you?

****

**ThebestSpy:** Yes. I’m omw. Try to coax him out of the Vent. I’ll be there in a minute.

****

****

‘No, no, no.’ Peter mumbled to himself. Clint swore softly under his breath and tentatively put a hand on the shaking boy’s shoulder, in what he hoped was a comforting manner.

****

‘Kiddo – you’re not in any trouble at all, but I bet your arm’s hurting hmm?’

****

Peter’s breath hitched and he slowly looked up at him and nodded slightly, rubbing a fist over his eyes, which were beginning to hurt with how much he was crying.

****

‘How about we go get you cleaned up and then we can tal…’

****

‘NO!’ Peter all but screamed, then he proceeded to try to push past Clint, who despite not being as strong as him, had the upper hand, as they were in a very confined space and Clint was the one blocking the only way out.

****

‘Okay! Okay! No talking, gotcha. No-one is going to force you to do anything you don’t want to bud. How about we go see Nat?’ Peter shook his head, he desperately wanted to see Natasha, but she reminded him too much of May and he couldn’t see her, he couldn’t think, he couldn’t breathe.

****

‘NO! LEAVE ME ALONE!’ He yelled, thrashing harder, trying to break free from Clint’s strong grip - nice to know his Spiderpowers weren’t working properly again, he thought bitterly.

****

‘We just want to help Kid, you don’t have to go through whatever you’re going through alone.’ Clint said gently, as Peter aimed a hard kick to his side, which Clint blocked, much to Peter’s annoyance, who was getting more and more frustrated. All he wanted was to be left alone.

****

Peter aimed a hard kick to Clint’s stomach and the man faltered for a second, but it was enough for Peter to dash past him and slide down the Vent and into the room below.

****

He landed on the floor of the pristine music room, gasping through his sobs. He felt utterly trapped and all he wanted in that moment was a hug from May and to be told that everything would turn out fine – but he couldn’t have that…he didn’t deserve that…

****

‘Hey маленький паук.’

****

Peter whipped around and his eyes locked onto familiar green ones, who were looking at him with a sad expression, a little ways away, by the grand piano. Peter froze at the sound of Natasha’s voice, just as Clint jumped down from the Vent. Peter’s eyes darted between the two assassins and he burst into tears again, falling limp against the wall, which was the only thing keeping him standing upright at that moment. Clint made to walk over to him, but Natasha subtly shook her head and signalled for him to leave the room. He looked sceptical but nodded and walked out of the room, then closed the door.

****

Peter didn’t deserve comfort, just like he didn’t deserve a family. He was all alone. His head was throbbing with the force of his cries and the constant buzzing of anxieties – which suddenly stopped, when he heard Natasha’s voice again, pulling him out of his negative spiral of thoughts.

****

‘Pete?’

****

By this point, Peter had worked himself up into a panic again and he flinched as Natasha slowly moved towards him. Peter instinctively scaled up the wall, right to the corner where the wall meets the roof, his chest rising and falling rapidly, as tears streamed down his face. Natasha slowly walked over to where he was clinging to the wall and looked up at him, with something akin to a hurt expression on her face.

****

He desperately wanted to hug Natasha - he felt guilty about running from her, but in that moment she had reminded him too much of May, too much of the comfort he no longer had and of the family that he had lost, she still did.

****

Natasha Romanoff wasn’t Aunt May, she was a trained assassin and a spy, a killer and a Superhero all rolled into one. Natasha didn’t know how to cook Sunday Roast dinners, or what his favourite movie was; she didn’t know that when he was 10, he fell over and broke his leg, or that he would only use banana shampoo, or even what he wanted to be when he was older…she could never take May’s place, nobody could. Who would ever want to have to help a pathetic mess like him? Tony was like a father to him, but he could barely deal with his own emotions, let alone those of a troubled 14 year old; and…Natasha was the closest thing that he had to emotional support and he just ran away from her…he didn’t deserve comfort or love…it just proved that he always messed everything up. Everything was a mess. He didn’t save May, he was cutting himself regularly and not eating and he hated himself.

****

He was always going to be alone, he could see that, why couldn’t everyone else?

****

‘Kid? I need you to come down, okay? It’s just me here. Everyone else is downstairs, I told them that you just needed some space and don’t worry, you left too quickly for anyone to see…anything on you. I’m not mad маленький паук. Please come down.’

****

‘N…no.’ Natasha sighed and racked her head for what to say to him. Peter was watching her intently through his tears, she could see that he was shaking.

****

‘Why don’t you want to come down?’ She asked, leaning against the wall, still looking up at Peter.

****

‘B…Because…I…I d…don’t.’ Despite herself, Natasha chuckled softly and nodded.

****

‘Gonna need a bit of a longer answer there, Kiddo.’

****

‘No…no good. I…I mess e…everything up.’

****

‘You know that that isn’t true. What brought this on hmm?’

****

‘M…May...’

****

Peter trailed off and stifled a sob, as he thought back to thinking about May in the lab, and how he felt about himself, how he cut himself and how Natasha reminded him of everything that he lost and no matter how much he craved a family, he knew that he could never have that again.

****

‘Grief is a funny thing, Kid – some days are better than others. You’ve done remarkably well so far, and I know that your Aunt May would be very proud of you. Why don’t you come down and we can have a chat, just you and me?’ Peter instantly shook his head and Natasha frowned, then considered something.

****

‘You don’t want to talk to me, do you?’

****

Peter just stared at the floor, but being the spy that she was, Natasha had been watching his facial expressions intently over the past few minutes and saw a vacant longing in his eyes, as if he wanted her to understand something. Then it clicked. The heartbroken expression in his eyes earlier, how he flinched away from her and literally climbed a wall, so he wouldn’t have to be near her…how sad he was…it had something to do with her.

****

‘Have I done something to upset you?’

****

He once again burst into tears and shook his head. Natasha’s eyes widened as he lost his grip on the wall and fell a few inches, before managing to catch himself.

****

‘Kid, I just want to help you, but I can’t do that if you don’t talk to me. We don’t even have to talk, let’s just sort your arm out hmm? I bet you’d rather be in clean clothes – I saw that Steve did the laundry earlier and your Star Wars PJ’s are fresh out of the dryer.’ She coaxed, watching Peter’s every move, for any indication that he was contemplating coming down.

****

Despite not thinking that he deserved any comfort, Peter’s arm was becoming more and more painful and he knew that his Spider-powers had been depleted by him sticking to the wall. He figured that after his arm was mended, he could always refuse to talk until everyone left him alone.

****

Natasha waited patiently for a few moments, to see what his response would be, and to her relief, he nodded slowly and slid down the wall. She watched as he then stared determinedly at his feet, wiping the tear tracks off of his face with a fist. She decided to get his arm tended to first, before trying to figure out the source of his meltdown.

****

‘Come on, Kiddo.’

****

Making sure to walk a few steps in front of him, but with enough proximity that she could reach out to him if needed, Natasha led the way out of the music room and to her private quarters, with Peter following behind, feeling the lowest that he had ever felt in that moment.

****


	10. Found

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter and Natasha finally talk, but will Peter finally open up to Natasha about everything?

Peter stared at his feet miserably, willing the tears in his eyes not to fall, as Natasha carefully cleaned and bandaged his arm up.

‘There, all done.’ Putting the first aid kit back under the sink, Natasha stood up and went to wash her hands. Peter stared at his newly bandaged arm miserably and mumbled a ‘thanks’. Natasha nodded, then handed him his Starwars PJ’s and told him to put his clothes in the laundry bag, then to let her know when he was decent. She walked out of her bathroom and waited patiently in her room.

A minute or so later, Peter called out quietly and Natasha hummed in response, then looked at Peter, who was still sitting on the edge of the bathtub. She saw that his shoulders were shaking ever so slightly and he looked like he was about to break down any second. What confused Natasha the most, was Peter’s reluctance to talk to her, she knelt down next to Peter and decided to pry gently.

‘Don’t.’ He muttered, Natasha raised an eyebrow in question.

‘Don’t what?’

‘Don’t ask me questions…please.’

Natasha had no idea what had happened in the lab and part of her wanted to ask Tony himself, but knew that if she left Peter, then there was a large chance that he would run away and hide again; however, then she had an idea.

‘Follow me.’ She instructed, leaving no room for argument, then she led the way out of her private bathroom, through her bedroom and into an unoccupied room down the corridor. Peter knew better than to argue with her and so reluctantly he followed behind her, wishing in that moment that he had stayed hidden in the Vent.

Natasha opened the door and held it open for Peter, who walked through, not trusting himself to meet her eyes, as his own were filled with unshed tears. He looked around and saw the blurry outline of a large couch, a desk, a huge window, which overlooked the Compound’s garden and many bookcases. He realised that he must be in Natasha’s office – he had never been in here before, which is why it looked so unfamiliar. The walls were painted a light shade of lilac and the furniture was all rosewood – warm, inviting, much like the Lake House; and Peter immediately teared up as he remembered how much fun he had there and how much he had almost felt like he could have a new family again…but Natasha wasn’t May…May was gone and it was his fault…he didn’t deserve a family.

‘Do you want anything to drink?’ Natasha asked, breaking through Peter’s stream of anxious thoughts and he shook his head and shuffled his foot awkwardly, as he stared determinedly at the floor, willing himself not to cry. Sighing, Natasha nodded, then walked to the sofa and sat on one end of it.

‘Have a seat, Kid.’ She gestured for Peter to sit down and he dragged his feet over to the couch and sat down at the opposite end, staring resolutely at his bare feet. Natasha didn’t say anything but looked at Peter with something akin to sympathy and he found that he was finding it harder and harder not to look at her; not to talk to her. 

‘What’s going on in that head of yours?’ Peter didn’t say anything, just stared at his feet and bit his lip so hard that he tasted blood.

‘Kid, I just want to help. If you don’t want to talk to me, I can always get Tony or Steve.’ Peter immediately shook his head and his breath hitched, as he started to get worked up again.

‘Okay. You don’t have to say anything, but like I said before, I’m a good listener.’ Peter felt his eyes fill with tears again and he stifled a sob, squeezing his eyes shut, as Natasha’s perfume tickled his nose again, just like May’s used to do.

‘Aun…Auntie N…Nat.’ He wailed, tears once again streaming down his face.

‘Right here, Kid.’ Peter felt the sofa dip slightly next to him and then Natasha’s arms wrapped around him and he let out a heart wrenching sob and flung himself into Natasha’s arms and powerful sobs thundered throughout his body.

‘…I …I …don…don’t know wh…what…to …do…my…my…arm…an…and M…May…I…c…can’t bre…athe!’ He wailed, his breathing suddenly changed and started coming short and fast.

‘Shhhhh, маленький паук, I’m here, you’re alright. Let it out.’ Peter fisted his hands in her large jumper, as if worried that she would leave and he cried and cried, until after what felt like an hour, he couldn’t cry anymore. Hiccupping slightly, he shuffled into a sitting up position and wiped his sleeve tiredly over his face and sighed shakily. Natasha hummed for a second and carded her fingers through his hair; she saw him visibly relax.

‘I know you don’t want to talk детка, but we need to.’ Peter then burst into tears again and started apologising over and over.

‘Hey, shhhhh, shhhhh. I’m not mad – I just want to help you, Kid.’ Natasha waited for a few moments until Peter had calmed down enough that he could talk and she gave him a kind smile, then she sent a quick text to Tony and the others, which said that she was talking with Peter, as he was missing May and he was sorry to Tony for what happened earlier.

‘маленький паук, you ready to talk?’ Peter nodded and wiped his eyes tiredly.

‘Let’s start easy okay?’ Peter sniffled, then nodded again and curled closer to Natasha, who continued to stroke his hair.

‘What happened in the lab with Tony?’

‘I…we were…were working on…on Spiderman’s suit a…and then…I…I remembered May and…and I…’ Tears were running freely down his face again and Natasha held him closer, rocking him slightly as he wept into her jumper.

‘And you felt sad.’ She continued, as Peter nodded, then sat up shakily.

‘Yeah… and then I…then I realised I…I shouldn’t be hav…having fun b…because it was my fault she died! I wasn’t…wasn’t there! I…I save people everyday be…being Spiderman b…but first Ben a…and now May…I did this…It’s on me because I’m useless and stupid! IT WAS MY FAULT!’ He bellowed and was on his feet in a flash; Natasha didn’t even seem surprised, she just looked at him sadly and waited for him to continue.

‘IT WAS MY FAULT! I SHOULD HAVE BEEN THERE AND I WASN’T! WHAT DOES IT MATTER THAT I SAVE RANDOM PEOPLE BUT THE PEOPLE I LOVE…I CAN’T SAVE! I’M WORTHLESS AND PATHETIC!’ By this point, Peter was in the middle of the room, anger and hurt and sadness laced in his expression.

He grabbed the nearest object to him, which happened to be a pile of books and he launched them at the wall opposite him, leaving multiple small holes in the wall. Natasha didn’t make a move to go to him, but simply sat on the couch and watched him sadly.

‘I DON’T DESERVE TO BE HAPPY OR TO BE COMFORTED OR ANYTHING! I’M SO TIRED OF FEELING SAD AN…AND ALONE…!’ He threw a vase across the room, which shattered on the tiled floor, near the door. Natasha didn’t even flinch, she continued to watch him, with an unreadable expression on her face.

‘…OF FEELING TIRED AND A BURDEN!’ Peter threw a small lamp at the wall, which joined the scattered pile of books.

‘…OF MAKING MYSELF SICK…AND OF…OF CUTTING MYSELF!’ A flowerpot and a bowl of fruit joined the shattered glass, as he started to breath heavily, faintly recognising the wetness on his cheeks. _When did he start crying?_

‘…and I…I hate my…myself.’ Peter then burst into tears and fell to his knees on the carpeted floor, sobbing, as Natasha jumped up and ran over to him, putting a comforting hand on his shoulder. Peter was crying hysterically, hiccupping and coughing with the force of his cries. After a few minutes or so, he vaguely registered the fact that he was being carried and then was put down gently on the sofa; Natasha lifted him onto her lap and started rocking him back and forth, as he let himself fall apart in her arms.

‘S…sorry…di…did…didn’t m…mean to m…make y…you…s…sa…sad!’ Natasha quietly shushed him and planted small kisses to the top of his head, as he sobbed and sobbed. After a few minutes…or hours? Peter didn’t know, his sobs subsided into hitching breaths and sniffles, and he wiped his eyes, then sat up and looked at Natasha sadly.

‘I’m…I’m so sorry.’

‘Don’t be. Showing your emotions is what makes you human. That’s the thing about being a Superhero – you have to put a lot of yourself aside, to save the lives of others, but we can’t save everyone.’ Natasha looked at Peter and gave him a gentle smile. He bowed his head and sniffled as a few tears leaked out of his eyes.

‘We do the best we can and we save a lot of lives, but ultimately, that’s the Superhero job – we can’t save everyone. You did not kill May or Ben, you didn’t even know about May until after it had happened, because you were studying and you couldn’t have possibly known; same with Ben – you didn’t know he was going to get shot, and there wasn’t much a 12 year old could have done to stop a gunman.’ Peter was silent, despite tears rolling down his face, but Natasha knew he was listening, so she continued.

‘You are not worthless, nor a burden or anything else you described yourself as. You deserve to be happy and your Aunt and Uncle would completely agree with me on this, Kid. I know this is all so hard for you, but it is so important that you don’t bottle it all up, because sooner or later, it explodes. I am here for you, as is the rest of the team and we will not think any worse of you, because you miss your Aunt. It’s completely natural and part of the grief process. With regards to your issues at the minute, I am so proud that you opened up to me both now and at the Lake House. I will continue to help you through this, but you’ve got to be honest with me, with how much you’re struggling Pete. I might be an amazing spy and assassin, but I’m yet to figure out how to read minds.’ She deadpanned and Peter giggled despite himself and then he nodded, when she raised an eyebrow at him.

‘On another note, Clint obviously knows about your arm now, but nobody else saw, you left too quickly…’

Peter bit his lip and found himself tearing up again, but Natasha cupped his face in her hands and looked at him seriously.

‘Peter, It’s alright. He knows, but he will not tell anyone, I promise you. He has some experience with this and knows how hard it is to deal with it.’

‘…He used to hurt himself too?’ Peter looked at her confused. An emotion that he couldn’t figure out, ghosted over Natasha’s face for a spilt second, but then she looked at him with her usual expressionless one.

‘No, it wasn’t him. He…knew someone who did that and he helped them get through it.’

‘Oh.’ Peter was curious, but Natasha didn’t elaborate. Peter looked around at the room and blushed when he saw how much he had thrown and broken.

‘I’m really sorry about your room and the stuff…the stuff that I threw. I…I just…I got angry and I’m sorry.’

‘Kid. Steve has broken at least 52 Punching Bags that I know of; Wanda likes to smash plates when she’s annoyed, Bruce always breaks everything when he’s the Hulk, Tony throws his robots and suits around and blows stuff up when he’s pissed, Bucky generally throws stuff around the training room, I usually go into the shooting room and shoot stuff when I’ve had a bad day, or I spar with Clint – who likes to chop down bits of wood when he’s mad. Rhodey will shout and swear, Vision just gets into a mood of sorts and Sam goes for a run and swears a lot too. We all have our own ways of dealing with anger and sadness. Yeah, they’re not very healthy, but I get that sometimes emotions are simply too much. I’ll get Tony’s robot to clean it up tomorrow, don’t worry about it.’ Peter nodded gratefully. After a few minutes of silence, he looked up at Natasha, willing himself to open up fully to her.

‘I…I didn’t want to talk to you.’ He admitted sheepishly, as Natasha nodded.

‘I gathered that, Kid. Why not?’

‘Your perfume.’ Natasha looked at him quizzically.

‘My perfume.’ She repeated, trying to make sense of his answer, but she found that she was completely at a loss for what to say.

‘Yeah…I know I’ve obviously smelt it before, but um…I guess it just got to me a bit because I was already worked up…about May and it just reminded me of her…and you did actually…’

‘Me?’ Natasha interrupted – with a puzzled expression on her face, as Peter sighed and nodded.

‘You always try to make me feel better and…and seeing you so worried made me think of how you looked like May used to do – especially after the Lake House, how it felt so…normal and like home. Please don’t be mad at me…I’m really sorry. I completely get if you don’t let me call you Auntie Nat anymore.’ He finished sadly, sniffling slightly, as Natasha shook her head in bemusement.

‘Kid. Of course you can still call me Auntie Nat. I’m not mad at all, it’s completely understandable that you’re feeling like this. You’ve lost all your biological family and you’re just 14, that’s a lot of shit for one kid to deal with. You need a home and a family and Tony has adopted you, but you are all of our family now. You’re stuck with us Kid.’ Peter gave her a small smile and placed his head in the crook of her neck. She merely raised an eyebrow and slung an arm over his shoulders, he relaxed instantly at her touch and cuddled up to her side, breathing in her familiar flowery perfume.

‘Auntie Nat?’

‘Hmm?’

‘Thank you.’ He said stifling a yawn; Natasha glanced at the clock on the wall and was surprised to see that it was nearing 10pm. It felt like hours since Peter ran away from Tony, but in reality it had only been just over an hour.

‘You’re welcome, Kid. I’m always here for you.’ Peter smiled slightly and gave her a hug. Natasha carded her fingers through his hair, whilst they sat in silence for a few minutes, until Natasha felt Peter relax fully and the warm weight of him on her side, became heavier gradually and she decided that it was time for him to go to bed – as it had been a hard evening for him.

‘How about we get you to bed or we could even go into the movie room and watc…’ Natasha stilled, as a small snore interrupted her and she smirked fondly.

‘Good night, маленький паук. Things will look better in the morning.’ Peter sighed contently in his sleep. Natasha felt her heart clench as she looked at his face, which was peaceful in sleep, with his lips parted slightly and his cheeks all rosy – making him look a lot younger than his 14 years.

Natasha carefully extracted herself from Peter’s grasp, then she stood up and lifted him up, being careful to avoid his bandaged arm. She then smirked as he instinctively curled his arms around her neck and wrapped his feet around her waist. She listened to his even breathing and held him close, then planted a kiss on his forehead, as she went to put him to bed.


	11. Anger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A particularly bad training session ends up with Peter and Natasha growing further apart, as he refuses to talk to her. What will she do to try to get through to him?

‘Move your feet Parker, come on!’

‘I’m trying!’

‘Not good enough. You’re better than this – punch left, move right! This is basic training – you wouldn’t last 2 minutes in the field like this.’

‘I…It’s hard!’

‘Focus.’

Natasha, Clint and Peter were sparring in the training room, as was now usual for Saturday Mornings – they also trained a few other times during the week too, usually after school finished for Peter.

It had been over a week, since the incident in the lab; Peter had apologised to Tony and had told him the reason for his meltdown – about how much he missed May and Tony had set up some grief councilling for him every Thursday after school, which Peter was thankful for. The week had been the same as usual, except the fact that Peter hadn’t harmed himself at all since the incident, which he was proud of, however his eating habits were slowly getting worse again.

Natasha and Clint were the ones who were in charge of training Peter to be combat ready, as they had the most training themselves, compared to the others – and Peter found it very hard to separate his Auntie Nat from Natasha Romanoff: The Black Widow, who was very harsh and firm with him in the training sessions. He hated that he took her words to heart, as she could be very mean in the sessions, but he knew that her and Clint only wanted to make him a better fighter. He was usually good at keeping up with the two assassins, however recently, he had started to struggle to keep up with them again, as he wasn’t sleeping well and was barely eating.

‘Kid. You need to listen to what I’m saying.’ Natasha reprimanded, as Peter fell onto his back for the second time in ten minutes. Panting heavily, he stood up shakily – remembering that he hadn’t eaten dinner last night or had anything that morning and he could feel himself losing energy by the minute. Clint was gesturing for him to go again and Peter sighed, then got back into position.

Yawning slightly, Peter shook his head and tried to focus. He hadn’t slept well the night before and he had a lot of stress at school too, which wasn’t helping his mental state, but he tried to push it all aside and focus on the session.

Clint threw the first punch, which Peter dodged and then he kicked back at him, but unfortunately, he slipped slightly and Natasha managed to grab his leg and pin him down. Peter rolled over and jumped back up, chest rising and falling heavily, as his vision tunnelled slightly. He blinked a few times and shook his head, before lunging at Clint, who easily anticipated his movements, blocked him and then struck a hard punch to his side.

‘OW!’

‘You’re not even trying to hit back, Peter. Focus, or these next 30 minutes will be painful.’ Natasha warned, as Peter grit his teeth and tried to focus on the two assassin’s movements. However, his brain wouldn’t work properly and he once again found himself pinned to the floor, this time by Clint, who offered him a hand up - Peter pushed it away and got up by himself, ignoring the eyebrow raise from Clint.

‘Go again.’ Natasha instructed, immediately going to kick Peter’s legs out from under him, but his Spider-sense flared up as he realised what she was trying to do, and instinctively he jumped away just in time. Peter had started to once again rely on the alert that his senses gave him before either of the assassins attacked, so he could just dodge them, it was easier than trying to fight, as his mind was starting to get fuzzy and he felt lightheaded again.

‘Peter! Move your feet and stay alert! You need to stop just avoiding fighting!’ Clint instructed, as Peter once again stumbled, before he caught himself in time. He ignored Clint and continued to listen to his Spider-sense which warned him before either of the two assassins went to attack him.

‘Parker! Use your weight and fight back – throw a few punches or kicks. Stop relying on your powers.’ Natasha reprimanded sharply, as Peter yet again dodged a series of punches from Clint but he didn’t make a move to throw one back.

‘Peter. I’m serious, stop it. This will not help you in a fight.’ Natasha reprimanded again, as she anticipated his movements; Peter mistakenly dodged to the left and she easily pinned him down. He swore under his breath and got back up again, ignoring the stabbing pains in his stomach and the fact that he felt like he was going to throw up.

Natasha sighed, as she watched him stand up, for what seemed like the hundredth time that hour. She was growing annoyed, as Peter was blatantly ignoring her instructions, so she decided to go full intensity on him, to force him to fight back. Taking a running start, Natasha flipped over Peter’s head and landed behind him, then swept his feet out from under him; he jumped straight back up and threw a punch at her, which she easily blocked. He felt Clint move behind him and he managed to block a large kick from Clint and then dodged yet another foot sweep from Natasha.

‘Go again.’

Peter lunged back, just in time to avoid Clint, who had thrown a large punch at his chest. He threw back a feeble punch, which Clint easily avoided. Feeling himself start to get annoyed, he took a few deep breaths, then tried again, however he ended up back on the mat, as Natasha used her signature Widow Move to pin him down.

‘You’re letting your emotions cloud your judgement. Focus.’

‘I’m trying!’

‘Not good enough. Go again.’

Peter was seeing red by this point. All he wanted was to pin one of them down and with every passing minute, he could feel himself getting more worked up and upset. He felt like a failure….he would never be as good as them…

Clint started sparring lightly with him, and Peter tried to figure out the pattern, which Natasha shouted at him for, because Clint then threw an unexpected hard punch, which Peter was unprepared for. Peter instinctively jumped back, also avoiding Natasha’s feet trying to throw him off balance, however, he didn’t see that Clint had also just thrown another heavy punch at him - which connected to the side of his face and sent him flying back down onto the mat.

‘Shit!’

Peter hit the mat with a loud thud and stars swam before his eyes, as both assassins rushed over to see if he was alright, Peter sat up and rubbed his face gingerly.

‘You ok, Kid?’

‘Am I ok?! I just got punched in the face by Hawkeye!’ Peter said incredulously, glaring at Natasha, who looked unimpressed.

‘Yes, and that wouldn’t have happened if you’d have been listening to our corrections. We’ve told you before, you can’t just use your Spider-senses, or try to figure out fighting patterns, because they can change and you have to fight on your own accord. What happens if your Spider-sense fails while you’re fighting a group by yourself? Reliance makes you lazy and susceptible to further attacks.’ Natasha said, sounding bored, as this was becoming a regular occurrence in their training sessions.

‘I’m trying and I can’t help it!’

‘I know you can’t, but you can fight better than this.’

‘I can’t! It’s hard!’

‘You can, because you usually do, and I know it is, which is why this is called a training session. We’re here to help you, but we can’t help you, if you refuse to listen to our corrections.’

‘I am listening!’ He said angrily, standing up and glaring at her. _Why couldn’t she understand that he just wasn’t good enough?_

‘No, you’re just being lazy Peter, and you better take that look off your face.’ Clint reprimanded firmly, as Peter scowled at him.

‘I’m not being lazy! I’m tired!’ Natasha raised an eyebrow at him.

‘That is not going to work on me, Kid. Tired or not, you have to be able to fight. You know that.’ Peter huffed and stomped his foot angrily.

‘Stop acting like a little kid.’ She reprimanded, as Peter scowled again.

‘You’re not listening to me!’

He wished that Natasha wouldn’t be so harsh during the sessions and try to see things from his point of view sometimes, but he felt like she never listened to him in the sessions. He couldn’t keep up with them both, but he really was trying, and it was hard, but Natasha didn’t seem to care and it upset him. Blinking away angry tears, he glared at Natasha, who raised an eyebrow at him. Peter gulped slightly but stood defiant and continued to glare at her.

Clint muttered something to Natasha in Russian and she nodded, then he walked out of the training room, seemingly to give the two of them some space. Peter was practically seething with anger. Natasha had no idea of the shit that was in his head, how tired he felt all the time and training sessions like this always made him feel useless. He wanted to be good and he was trying, but he just didn’t feel good enough.

‘Peter, I am listening to you, but I mean it - take that look off your face. Now.’

‘I’m annoyed and you’re being mean!’

‘No I’m not. I’m being practical. If you fight like this you’ll die. Tired or not.’ She replied simply, as Peter glowered at her.

‘I won’t! I’ll just web the bad guys up!’

‘What happens when your web fluid runs out – you’ll just dodge a room full of criminals, until we show up?’ She replied smoothly, ignoring the way he was glaring at her. Peter bit his lip nervously but he was determined to prove to Natasha that he knew what he was doing.

‘Yes! I can climb walls remember?!’

‘I do remember.’ Natasha agreed, ‘but what happens if you’re out in the open, with no walls?’ Peter instantly tried to think of a comeback, but all he could think of, was that he would have no other option than to fight, he figured that maybe she had a point; but he was so tired and she wouldn’t listen to him. He desperately wanted to talk to Auntie Nat, but all he could see in front of him was the Black Widow and he felt himself getting upset; he blinked away angry tears and continued to stare defiantly at her. Natasha softened her expression and when she next spoke, her voice was a lot gentler.

‘Listen, Kid. I’m bored of having this same argument with you about dodging attacks and not fighting back. You’re not up to your usual standard at all and I want to know why. What’s going on?’

‘Nothing! Leave me alone!’ A look of surprise ghosted Natasha’s face for a spilt second, then she narrowed her eyes slightly and crossed her arms.

‘Why are you acting like this? All I’m trying to do, is help you, Kid.’

‘No you’re not! All you’re doing is telling me off and…and making me feel rubbish!’

‘Peter. I’m giving you corrections. You need to learn how to fight properly, which is the reason that me and Clint are training you, as we have been for over a month now. It isn’t a walk in the park and if you don’t listen to what me and Clint are telling you, then there’s a very big chance, that you could die out there, because you aren’t prepared.’ Peter huffed and folded his arms, staring at her with a stubborn expression.

‘I can’t help my powers!’

‘I know, Kid. Which is why we’re teaching you how and when to use them. Just not all the time. You have to be able to throw a few punches and kicks, without trying to work out a fighting pattern, or without solely relying on your powers. This is why we have these sessions. Everyone has to have them and we were all your age once, we know how hard it is. We just want to help, but you have to listen to us, otherwise we’ll be going round in circles. I care about you, Kid and I know you can do better than what I saw today.’ Peter’s eyes filled with angry tears again, at himself more than Natasha.

‘No I can’t! This is how I fight!’

‘You and I both know that that is utter bullshit. This is just laziness. You never used to fight like this - if you can even call dodging our attacks, ‘fighting’. We went over this a few weeks ago and you got better at listening and following our corrections, so I want to know why you’re resorting back to just avoiding us and jumping away.’

‘I can take care of myself! I don’t have to tell you anything!’ Peter shouted, breathing heavily. Natasha took a calming breath, as she felt herself getting more frustrated. _Time for a different tactic._

‘No, you don’t, however, if at any point in the training sessions I’m concerned about your safety, Tony has allowed me to make necessary adjustments to your evening routine. I don’t want to do that, but if you continue not to listen, then I will have no other choice.’ Peter frowned for a second before his eyes widened as he realised what she meant. She could stop him from patrolling.

‘No…no…you can’t…please don’t take Spiderman away from me.’ He begged, forgetting his defiant streak in an instant. Natasha then softened her expression again and put a hand on his shoulder in a comforting manner.

‘Then tell me what’s wrong, so that I can help you, маленький паук. I know you’re going through a lot right now and I just want to help. I don’t want you to be injured on patrol. Talk to me.’ Peter wanted to talk to her, but at that moment, all he felt was anger to himself, about how rubbish he felt that he was at training and how tired he was; how hungry he was…how useless he was.

_Why couldn’t she understand that he wasn’t as good as the rest of them? He’d survived this long by himself, so why could he not just keep doing what he was doing? Why wouldn’t they just leave him alone?_

‘No! It’s none of your business and you can’t just take away Spider-Man from me!’ He said angrily, missing the flash of hurt that crossed Natasha’s face for a split second. She pursed her lips and finally lost her patience. Natasha looked sternly at Peter, who cowered under her expression slightly, but once again glared at her.

‘Want to bet? From this moment on, you’re banned from patrol – on the grounds of your inability to listen to simple instructions and the fact that you could be injured heavily, whilst you are not under mine or Clint’s supervision in a secure training room. Go and bring me your suit and web shooters now.’

‘NO! THAT’S NOT FAIR!’

‘Do you think that it’s fair, that me and Clint take time out of our own schedules to train you, and you don’t listen?’

‘I DO LISTEN! YOU’RE THE ONE WHO ISN’T LISTENING! Just because you’re the Black Widow you think you can just be mean to me! You’re not in charge of me, so you can’t tell me what to do!’ Peter shouted angrily, stamping his foot. _Yet again he’d messed up and now he couldn’t be Spider-Man anymore._

_Uselessuselessstupidstupidstupid_

‘I might not legally be your adoptive guardian, however, you are a child and I am the adult – Tony gave everyone strict instructions to discipline you as we deem necessary in general, because you are still a child; therefore, I can put in place any sanctions that I see fit. I am going incredibly easy on you with this punishment, believe me. I do not have to explain myself to you. You have been disrespectful to myself and also to Clint and that kind of behaviour I will not tolerate. I appreciate that you are tired and have a lot going on, but you refuse to talk to me, so I can’t help you. You are not going out on patrol in this state. Now, take that scowl off your face and go and bring me your suit and webshooters.’ Peter’s face crumpled and his breath hitched, as tears started to fall freely down his face. Natasha felt her heart ache for him, but she knew that he had to learn to listen to instructions, so she remained stern.

‘No, please…please d…don’t.’ He sobbed, feeling nothing but anger at himself. _How could he have let this get so out of hand? He was so stupid and now Natasha didn’t like him anymore._

‘Suit. Webshooters. Now. Then take yourself to your room and stay there, until I say otherwise.’ Natasha had already cleared all the razors out of his bedroom with him, the previous week after the incident, so she knew that the worst he could do was to scratch his arms, there was nothing sharp for him to use to self-harm in his bedroom.

‘Please…I…I won’t do it a…again!’

‘No Peter. I’m going to count to 3 and you really will not like what happens next. 1…’

‘B…but what if I…’

‘…2’

‘‘Auntie Tasha plea…’

‘…3’

‘I HATE YOU!’ Peter screamed, then ran out of the training room. Natasha inhaled sharply, feeling her heart break at those 3 simple words. She watched him go and a single tear fell down her cheek. She had never felt like more of a monster than she did in that moment.


	12. Listen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natasha finds solace in a friend and then goes to confront Peter. Will she be able to find out why he acted like he did?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi Everyone  
I've been so ill the past week and I'm still really ill - I have tonsillitis and a respiratory infection, so I've had to come home from University until I'm better. Luckily I'm now on a course of antibiotics, so I should be alright by the end of next week.  
Sorry for the late update, but here's chapter 12!  
As always, any ideas for future chapters, then let me know in the comments!
> 
> Stay Strong  
MarvelObsessedgirl3  
xx

After watching Peter run from the room, Natasha sighed in frustration and then frowned, as she brought a hand up to her face and felt the tears that she hadn’t even noticed were still falling. Something flashed in her eyes and she immediately wiped any remnants of tears from her eyes and walked purposefully across the room to the hanging boxing bags. She quickly wrapped her hands and started to punch the bags, hard.

Completely lost in her thoughts, Natasha threw punch after punch, each was harder than the last, as she tried to make sense of what had just happened.

_All she wanted was to make sure that the Kid could defend himself, but he refused to listen! No…he said that she didn’t listen…what didn’t she listen to? Of course she was listening, he was just being unreasonable – completely disrespectful and stubborn. She gave him plenty of chances to tell her what the problem was… He hated her…of course he did. She was the Black Widow. Everyone hated her. She was used to brushing it off…so why did she care what Peter thought? He hated her…_

_Love is for children. _

‘Jeez, what did that punching bag ever do to you?’

Whipping around, she fell into her usual fighting stance, then relaxed when she saw the familiar face of Clint Barton – who was leaning by the door, watching her intently.

‘Go away Clint, I’m not in the mood.’

‘Yeah I can see that. The Kid ran past me a few minutes ago, bawling his eyes out – guess you had something to do with that?’ Natasha huffed and turned back to the punching bag, then proceeded to start punching it again. Clint sighed and walked up to her, then sat down on the bench opposite and gave her a sad smile.

‘Talk to me Tasha.’

‘No.’

‘Why not?’

‘Because I don’t want to. I’m busy.’

‘Yeah, busy punching the shit out of that bag. Look, how about we play the colour game?’ Natasha paused in her punching and turned to look at Clint, who had an eyebrow raised.

‘We haven’t done that since New York.’

‘Exactly. It used to help you, when you had too much in your head.’ Sighing, Natasha unwrapped her hands, surprised to see that her knuckles were bleeding slightly, then she sat down next to Clint on the bench and looked at him expectantly.

‘Fine, you first.’

‘Orange – I’m worried about you. Your turn. Remember – one colour at a time.’ Natasha nodded and rubbed a hand down her face.

‘Red – I’m annoyed.’

‘Annoyed at who?’

‘The Kid…but mostly myself for how I handled the situation.’

‘How did you handle it?’

‘He wasn’t listening the whole session and I’m almost 100% sure that there was something else going on, but he wouldn’t tell me and he said it wasn’t my business!’ Putting an arm around her shoulder, Clint planted a small kiss on the top of her head and gestured for her to carry on.

‘I had to discipline him for not listening – no matter what was going on; he wouldn’t tell me - therefore, he was a danger to himself and I wasn’t having him going out on patrol like that! So why do I feel so terrible?!’

‘Natasha, you went incredibly easy on him and you know that. Stark gave us permission to discipline him, how we see fit and if he was my Kid, he would have found himself over my knee for the sheer disrespect that he showed to the both of us today, no matter what is going on. Taking away his suit and web-shooters is a very light punishment and he’ll cool off about it soon. You feel bad, because you care about him. But, I know that that isn’t what is really bothering you, so what’s really going on?’ Natasha nodded, then took a deep breath and looked Clint in the eye.

‘He said he hated me, Clint. Look. I know people hate me and that’s fine, it never bothers me, so why does this?’ Clint gave her a look and she raised an eyebrow.

‘You know the answer to that.’

‘I’m compromised.’ Clint nodded in understanding.

‘Is that such a bad thing?’

‘I used to believe that love was for children…then I found this…this team…this family. I care about the Kid and honestly I just want to help him, but…he won’t listen and he’s scared of me now…I’ll never be able to get through to him.’

‘You know that’s not true.’

‘What if he doesn’t want to talk to me? I did lose my patience with him, but he was being so infuriating! He has to learn to listen to corrections and instructions, especially in our line of work.’ Clint nodded in agreement.

‘I’ve already told you where I stand on his punishment and there was no excuse for the behaviour he displayed today. However, the Dad part of me knows that he is very upset – and not just because of today, so maybe it’s worth another shot at getting him to open up. What colour are you now?’ Natasha stood up.

‘Blue.’

‘Why?’

‘I want to help Peter.’

‘Well, I bet he’s cooled down by now. So go see if you can have a chat with him.’

‘You’re good at this.’ She said smirking, as Clint laughed.

‘Well, I have 3 Kids, kind of comes with the job.’

Natasha nodded, then hugged him and made her way out of the training room, to go and find Peter. ‘Thanks. See you later Barton.’ He smiled and waved, as she walked out of the room.

***

Standing outside Peter’s bedroom door, Natasha took a few calming breaths before knocking on the door.

‘Kid? I know you’re in there. Come on, open up, we need to talk.’

There was a muffled response, but Natasha couldn’t depict it. ‘Peter. I’m coming in whether you like it or not.’ She waited for a few seconds before turning the handle, to find that it was locked. There was no response from Peter, apart from a few sobs.

She sighed and looked up expectantly at the ceiling. ‘Friday?’

There was no response, apart from a small audible click, which signalled to Natasha that the AI had unlocked Peter’s door. She pushed it open and her eyes flickered to the lump on Peter’s bed, which evidently was Peter, who had cocooned himself in his Starwars comforter and was crying loudly.

Avoiding the mess of lego pieces, homework sheets and clothes that were on his floor, Natasha made her way over to Peter and sat down on the edge of his bed tentatively. Before she could speak however, Peter had launched himself at her and was sobbing uncontrollably on her shoulder. Taken aback by the sudden change in his mood, Natasha found herself murmuring reassurances to him, as she rubbed his back and carded her fingers through his hair, as she waited patiently for him to calm down.

‘I…I’m…s…sorry! I…don’t h…hate you! …I’m sorry a…and…now…y…you…h…hate…m…me!’ Peter wailed, as Natasha turned him around, so he was facing her, before speaking.

‘маленький паук, I’m here, it’s ok, I need you to breathe. Big breath in 2, 3, 4 and then out 2, 3, 4. Good, well done, again. In 2, 3, 4 and then out 2, 3, 4.’ Natasha slowly rubbed his back, helping to ground him, whilst she coached him with his breathing for a few minutes, until it was back to normal.

Natasha then picked up his disregarded Star Wars blanket, pulling it over him as she quietly shushed him and tears cascaded down his cheeks.

Tears streamed down his face as he felt Natasha softly sit next to him and embrace him in a firm hug, rubbing his back in a soothing manner. She simply sat next to him, holding him firmly as he fell apart in her arms; not saying anything, except whispering Russian words of endearment to him, whilst she stroked his sweaty curls off of his face and rubbed his back. A few minutes later, Peter’s heart wrenching sobs had turned to regular crying and he pulled away from her, sniffling miserably.

‘I…I’m so sorry! I don’t hate you! I was so mean to y…you and…Clint an…and I’m so sorry! I’m just having a…a…bad few days. H…here.’ Peter reached over to a drawer in his bedside table and pulled out his suit and web-shooters, then gave them to Natasha, who put them on the end of the bed.

‘We’ll get to that in a bit. I accept your apology and I get that you said things in the heat of the moment – but words can also hurt Kid. Everyone makes mistakes, and despite what you’re thinking, I don’t hate you. Now. I’m not a mind reader, but I know there’s something going on and I want to help you, so please tell me.’ Peter nodded sadly and wiped away a few of his tears.

‘I…I am tired – I’m not lazy and I haven’t been feeling well… I thought you were just being mean an…and not being Auntie Nat, just the Black Widow and…and… and school is rubbish and I have too much to do an…’

‘…Woah. Take a breath kiddo. That’s a lot of information to get in 20 seconds. Now, first things first, I know you’re not lazy – I said it’s laziness, avoiding attacks and I want to know why you keep doing that.’ Peter sniffled and looked up at Natasha. ‘Because…I’m not as good as you and Clint! I can’t…I can’t keep up and you weren't listening to me!’

'I am listening, talk to me.' Peter shook his head, as silent tears fell down his cheeks. Natasha was desperately racking her brain to think of what was going on, when she was reminded of the Lake House and how Peter had been struggling to eat…he couldn’t keep up because he wasn’t feeling well…because he wasn’t eating much. Peter just sat there, crying silently and before Natasha knew what she was doing, she had pulled Peter in for a big hug, as he fell apart again.

‘You’re not eating much.’ It was a statement, not a question and Peter nodded miserably into her side, as Natasha sighed.

‘Kid, why didn’t you just tell me?’

‘I…I didn’t want you to think that I was…weak…that I couldn’t keep up with you and Clint…’ Natasha looked at him incredulously, before tilting his chin up with her fingers, so he was looking her in the eyes.

‘Never. I would never think that. Neither would anyone on this team. Like I said in the Lake House, we all have our own shit to deal with and I want to be there for you, but you have to talk to me.’ Peter nodded.

‘Now. Are you harming yourself again?’ Peter immediately shook his head and Natasha nodded, relieved. ‘Okay, good. Onto the next point, you do know that me and the Black Widow are the same person, right?’ Natasha smirked as Peter looked at her sheepishly.

‘Yes! B…but I felt…it felt like you were just being mean and not listening.’

‘Kid. I’m in charge of training you. Whenever we’re in that training room, do I ever change how I train you? Whether you’re tired or not?’ She raised an eyebrow, as Peter scrunched his face up in thought, then shook his head.

‘No, exactly. If you don’t tell me how you’re feeling, I will just assume you’re being awkward and un-cooperative. Now, I tried to get you to talk to me, but you refused, so I had no other choice than to punish you. You can’t go out on patrol when I’m not confident that you can follow corrections and instructions in a secure environment.’ A few tears trickled down Peter’s face and Natasha felt her heart ache for him.

‘I'll always be here for you to talk to, whether its whilst we're training or not, but you have to trust me Kid. So, do you want to talk about what’s going on now?’ She pressed softly, stroking his hair as he shook his head.

She sighed and held Peter closer, as silent tears slid down his cheeks. ‘Talking helps you know. I might not be as good at this stuff as other people are, but I’m a very good listener.’ Peter looked at her, then after a few seconds nodded and snuggled into Natasha’s side as she moved closer to him and pulled his blanket over the both of them.

‘I…I’m not eating much and that’s why I avoid attacks…because it’s easier than…than trying to fight.’ Natasha nodded, encouraging him to continue talking, as she carded her fingers through his hair.

‘I really am tired…because of not eating, but also because of school. I have so much work to…to do and so many assignments. I didn’t sleep until 3am last night and then I was up at 6, because I had a nightmare and I’m so tired!’ His voice broke on the last word and Natasha held him close, as he fell apart again.

‘Right, first of all, if all of these papers are anything to go by…’ Natasha gestured to the piles of papers and textbooks that were littering Peter’s bedroom. ‘…then I think that a phone call to your teacher is in order for Monday. You’re a good Kid, you just have some stuff going on and I think they need to be more understanding about the amount of work you’re getting, especially after what happened a month ago.’ Peter nodded, then burst into tears as Natasha quietly shushed him.

‘Secondly, I have some ideas about how to deal with the food situation, but you have to trust me.’ Peter sniffed and frowned at her. ‘Like what?’

‘Just things that I’ve picked up here and there, like what I did to help you at the Lake House.’ Peter thought back and nodded, then tucked his head under Natasha’s chin. She quirked an eyebrow up, but then relaxed and kissed the top of his head.

‘I really am sorry.’ Peter mumbled tiredly.

‘Don’t worry about it. I’m sorry if I upset you, but I need you to know that you can’t act like that again in training sessions. You need to talk to me, so I can help you.’ Peter nodded.

‘I know and I’m sorry. I promise that I will tell you next time. I understand why…why you took Spider-Man off me. I…I was being silly and I’m really sorry.’ He finished sadly, biting his lip. Natasha inwardly sighed and swore under her breath as her ‘Auntie Nat’ mode kicked in.

‘I know you get it and now I also understand why you behaved like you did. I do want you to apologise to Clint and we will be having a full training session again tomorrow afternoon, to make up for this morning. However, from this moment on, we’re starting off on a clean slate. Here.’ Peter’s watery red eyes lit up, as Natasha reached to the end of the bed and handed Peter back his Suit and web-shooters.

‘Before you get too excited, you still are not allowed out on patrol until tomorrow evening – provided that the training session goes to plan, if it’s a repeat of earlier, then you won’t get it back until I say so. Is that fair or too mean?’ She joked, as Peter giggled and gave her a big hug.

‘It’s fair. More than fair. Thank you.’ Natasha hugged him back and rolled her eyes fondly.

‘God you’ve made me soft Kid.'


	13. One punch too far

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter's emotions get the better of him and Natasha has an idea how to help him, although it doesn't go to plan...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone!  
I've been busy with Uni and writing my other fics with Natasha adopting a toddler (Home) and my Avengers Chat - please feel free to give them a read!  
Hope you enjoy this update. I'm going to Disney Land Paris now, so see you all next week in the next chapter for Home!   
I'll update this fic once every fortnight or so - depending on Uni.  
Thanks and Stay Strong  
MarvelObsessedgirl3  
xx

Scribbling out yet another sentence, Peter angrily screwed his paper on Russian Politics for the third time into a ball and threw it over his shoulder. He leant back on his chair, sighed and took a few deep breaths to calm his breathing down, before grabbing a pile of books and papers next to him, and flinging them into the middle of his bedroom. Great gasping breaths took over and it took everything in him, not to scream at the top of his lungs. A month ago, he would have been able to write that essay blindfolded in his sleep, however now, he was an orphan and had missed a great deal of school – therefore, he was incredibly far behind and was struggling in general.

His phone vibrated and he glanced over at it, feeling his eyes prick with tears at the message from Ned – reminding him of another three assignments that he had managed to fall behind with. He remembered how May would always check if he did his homework and how she devised a work chart with him every week, so he wouldn’t fall behind or miss anything. He sniffed and opened the top drawer of his desk, pulling out a gold photo frame of himself and his Aunt May. He put his head in his hands and willed himself not to fall apart at the thought that nobody could ever replace her and because of that, no one would care about him like that again. Truth be told, he didn’t really care about the essay, it was just that on top of everything else.

Everything was too much. His overwhelming urge to cut himself constantly, his eating habits, how sad and angry he was all the time, how far behind he was with school and also how lonely he felt – despite being with all the Avengers most of the time.

He was jolted from his thoughts, as his bedroom door opened. He hastily scrubbed the tear tracks from his face and put on his usual fake smile, then turned round and came face to face with Natasha, who was surveying him through her piercingly green eyes, as she leant on the doorframe, watching him with an unreadable expression.

Peter gave her a half-hearted smile, mumbled a ‘hello’ and then stared determinedly at the floor.

‘Hey Kid. How’s the essay coming along?’ No response, apart from a shrug. Natasha’s eyes quickly ghosted over the screwed up essay that was lying in the middle of the room; and then over the pile of mess that Peter had made earlier when he had thrown things around in anger, the hunched way Peter was sitting and his red rimmed eyes, and she knew that obviously the essay wasn’t going well, and clearly Peter was upset about it.

‘Is everything alright?’ Peter stiffened slightly – unnoticeable to normal people, but not to a trained spy like Natasha. He wanted to talk to her, she said that he could…but he felt like a bother and surely the Black Widow wouldn’t want a teenager offloading all his problems on her…right?

‘Yeah, never better.’ Natasha raised an eyebrow and walked over to Peter, then perched on the corner of his desk, as he continued to stare at his feet. She wanted to know what the root of the problem was – as Peter never got this upset over school work, so she went about it in a very Natasha-like way.

‘Why are you crying?’

‘I’m not.’ Peter said defensively, sitting up straight and folding his arms. He then took a shaky breath and looked at her. Natasha noticed that his bottom lip was trembling slightly and that he was clearly fighting back tears.

‘Okay then. What’s with the frown Charlie Brown?’ Peter just shrugged and picked at a loose strand of thread from his jumper sleeve. Natasha hummed slightly under her breath and decided how best to proceed with the conversation. Clearly Peter didn’t want to talk, or else he did want to talk and was just worried about letting all his feelings out…Natasha decided on the latter of the two, if his posture and constant trembling was anything to go by.

‘Come with me Kid, I want to show you something.’ Natasha said, gesturing for Peter to follow her. They quickly walked out of his bedroom and down a floor, to where the training rooms were in silence.

Natasha scanned her badge, opened the door to the main gym/training room and led Peter over to the boxing section.

‘Grab a pair of boxing gloves and come here.’ Peter was completely bewildered by the sudden change in location and nodded slowly, before walking over to the stacked shelves of equipment and picking out a pair of boxing gloves.

‘Stand there and watch me. Do what I do.’ Natasha pointed opposite her and Peter obliged, putting on his gloves in confusion.

‘Auntie Nat why are w…’

‘Boxing, is a good way to let out your emotions in a safe space, without wrecking your bedroom.’ Peter blushed slightly and Natasha smirked, before putting on some purple boxing gloves, that Peter hadn’t seen her wear before.

‘Don’t worry about it. I’m not going to interrogate you, but just know that I am a pretty good listener. Boxing really helps a lot of us, so I figured that you should give it a try.’ Natasha said, as Peter nodded.

‘Left foot forward, right hook. Vice-versa. Every-time you throw a punch, I want you to think of something that makes you sad or angry. Visualise your problem and attack it.’

‘B…but I don’t want to…to hurt you.’ Peter said worriedly, looking at his gloved hands, fearful of his super strength.

‘Don’t worry about it. I’ve got Tony’s nano bots in these gloves – extra protection for me, so have at it Kid. Think about something that really pisses you off and let loose.’ Peter thought hard for a minute and immediately felt all the anger rise up in him again as the negative thoughts from earlier spiralled around in his head like a swarm of angry bees.

He punched and punched, again and again. Grunting with the force of his punches, Natasha was surprised about how much anger he had in him, and she hoped that after he was out of energy, that he would tell her about what was wrong.

Sweat poured down Peter’s face, as all he could hear was the continuous thump in his head of _cutcutcut _and the negative thoughts threatening to overpower him.

‘Hey Kid, you’ve been punching for a while, might want to slow down a bit there.’ She advised, seeing the sheen of sweat on his forehead and how red his face was.

‘No. I’m fine.’ He continued to hit Natasha’s gloves, as she expertly blocked him, however after a few minutes, Natasha noticed his facial expression change for an instant into one of utter sadness and she felt her heart clench. Then she noticed his chest rising and falling in an unsteady rhythm – one that she was all too familiar with, he was showing signs of a panic attack.

‘That’s enough Kid, come on.’ Natasha said gently but firmly, however, Peter seemed not to hear her, as he continued to throw punch after punch - changing his direction and stance subconsciously. He looked up at Natasha and saw that her lips were moving, but he couldn’t hear her voice, over the sound of his heart that felt like it was exploding out of his chest.

‘I…I c…can’t b…breathe…I…’ Falling to his knees, he gasped for breath. Natasha was there in an instant and quickly guided him through breathing exercises, as he fought the urge to throw up. After what seemed like an eternity, his breathing was somewhat normal again. Standing up, Natasha went over to the water dispenser and poured Peter a cup of water.

‘I…I don’t need that…I’m f…fine.’ He shook his head when Natasha held out the water towards him; then he hastily stood up and went over to the punching bag in the corner, before letting loose again and started throwing punch after punch, ignoring Natasha’s demands that he stop.

Tears were streaming down his face by this point, but Peter didn’t care, all he wanted was for the thoughts in his head to shut up, so he could think properly again. All he wanted was for it all to stop, for the pain to go away.

Natasha was conflicted. One part of her, the Widow side, wanted Peter to continue until he stopped by himself – as she knew that getting all the anger and pain out, helped in the long run, however, the other side…the Auntie Nat side, wanted to stop Peter before he hurt himself. She took one more glance at the teenager and knew what she was going to do when he started crying but when he still made no move to stop punching the bag.

One moment, Peter was punching the bag so hard that it started to swing dangerously from its hook, tears cascading down his cheeks and the next, Natasha had jumped from her position and had swept Peter’s feet out from under him. Natasha raised an eyebrow at the teenager, who groaned as he fell on the floor hard and swore under his breath, before looking up and glaring at Natasha furiously.

‘What did you do that f…for?!’ He yelled at the assassin who shrugged in response.

‘I told you to stop.’ She said calmly, as Peter shuffled into a sitting position and pulled his knees to his chest, burying his head in his arms.

‘I couldn’t!’ He wailed, giant sobs wracking his small frame, as Natasha sat down near him, but far enough away that Peter wouldn’t feel overwhelmed. His anger had turned back to sadness and Natasha found herself wanting to take all the pain away from him, but she knew that she couldn’t do anything until he opened up to her.

‘I know Kid, that’s why I had to force you to stop. A distraction is good, so long as it doesn’t consume you. I brought you down here to offload some of your emotions, but you can’t just punch them out of your head forever, you need to deal with them, before they overwhelm you. I saw you getting more and more upset, and I knew that you needed to stop before you injured yourself.’ Peter sniffled and didn’t respond, but Natasha knew that he was listening, so she continued talking, hoping that he would start to open up to her.

‘You weren’t just pissed off at that essay were you?’ No response apart from a muffled sob, Natasha decided to press harder. ‘If you were just pissed off about the essay, then it must be one hell of an assignment. I haven’t seen you this upset in a while.’ Peter looked up, as he continued to cry, his bottom lip trembling as he looked at Natasha, who waited patiently for him to talk.

‘I…everything…is too much! I c…can’t d…do…this Auntie N…Nat! Take it all away! Please…I can’t…please…it hurts…’ He burst into tears again and Natasha was quick to shuffle over and hold him close. She listened to Peter falling apart in her arms and she felt her heart break for him; she vowed to herself that she would do everything that she could to take away his pain.


	14. Overloaded

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter gets stressed with school work, but luckily Natasha figures it out and helps him.

After a while of sitting on the training room floor, Peters cries finally subsided substantially and he fell into silence, apart from the occasional hitching breath.

Natasha didn’t know whether she was overstepping or not, but part of her was curious as to Peters meltdown and for some reason she wanted to know if she could do anything to help him.

‘Do you wanna talk about it?’ She phrased the question openly, so Peter could choose if he wanted to answer or not. He immediately shook his head, but then after a raised eyebrow from Natasha, he sighed and nodded.

‘We could chat here or in your room, or in the living room, or even my office?’ Peter thought for a moment. He didn’t like the idea of sitting in the cold training room on the hard floor anymore, hid room would stress him out as it was littered with unfinished school work, he didn’t fancy talking to anyone else in the Compound so the communal living room was out, which left… ‘your office please.’ He said quietly. Natasha nodded and stood up, offering him a hand. 

‘No problem, come on then kiddo.’ Taking her hand, Peter followed Natasha as she led him upstairs to her office.

***

Opening the office door, Natasha turned to Peter. ‘Please try not to demolish my office this time.’ Peter blushed and nodded, following the assassin to the leather couch where they both sat down.  
‘I know you don’t like to talk, but I want you to know that there is pressure at all. I’m not here to judge or yell at you – I’m just a listener. Go ahead Kid.’ Peters bottom lip started wobbling as he racked his brain for where to start. Seeing his internal struggle, Natasha asked softly, ‘it wasn’t about your essay, was it?’ 

Peter shook his head and stared determinedly at the ground, stroking his hoodie with his fingers softly. ‘No…well yes…well, I…Just everything. I…I’m so behind with school because of…because…May, and…she used to help me with managing my school work and stuff…It’s pretty stupid I guess…I’m just a bit overwhelmed…struggling really.’ Peter finished somewhat lamely, deciding not to tell Natasha about how he had been battling with his mental health a lot over the past few days especially.

‘I rang your headteacher last week, did it not make a difference?’   
‘A bit…but after a few days they just piled it all on me again…’ Peter grimaced as Natasha’s eyes flashed in anger.  
‘Right. Well he will be receiving a personal visit from me tomorrow then.’ Looking at Natasha in horror, Peter immediately began protesting. ‘No! It’s my fault Auntie Nat - I’m fine…I just need to do the essay and the 3 assignments… It’s alright really! I…I just need t…to pull myself together and stop being stupid because...’

‘Don’t even finish that sentence Parker. You’re not fine and you’re not stupid. You are a Kid with a lot of shit going on, so if one essay tips you over the edge, then that means that you have way too much school work on your plate – especially if all the papers and books in your room are anything to go by.’ Natasha left no room for argument and Peter slouched down in his seat. 

Peter knew that he did have a lot of work to catch up on and he also knew that his teachers weren’t going easy on him at all, so part of him was grateful that Natasha was willing to step in and help him, however the other part of him thought that if he was better, then he would be able to do it all without having a meltdown. He visibly slumped at that thought and Natasha saw. She wasn’t stupid, she knew that something else was going on, but she needed Peter to open up to her in his own time.

After a few minutes of silence, apart from a mumbled ‘thanks’ to Natasha, Peter curled in on himself and Natasha knew that she wasn’t going to get anything else out of him that evening.   
‘I’ll be back in a few minutes.’’ Peter nodded and focused on a loose thread on his star wars hoodie, as Natasha walked out of the office – she then made her way down to the communal living room.

‘Hey Barton – you busy?’ Clint raised an eyebrow and turned around at the sound of Natasha’s voice from the doorway. Natasha glanced around at everyone – they were all sat around watching some historical documentary and chatting happily to each other. Clint shook his head and looked at Natasha questioningly, who gestured to him with her head to go into the hallway.

‘What’s up?’ Natasha sighed heavily and learnt against the hallway wall, as Clint walked over to her. ‘Peter is stressed about school and they’re being dicks – giving him tons of work to catch up with in one go. He had a meltdown and I know there’s something else going on, but he won’t talk to me.’ Clint looked at her quizzically again. ‘Poor kid, but what do you want me to do about it?’ 

‘When Coop and Lila have homework issues, how do you deal with it? I have no idea how to deal with him. I’ve never had to do this before and I just feel out of my depth. I’m talking to his principal tomorrow, but I’ll expect that he’ll still have to do the work he’s already been set.’ Clint nodded and gave her a kind smile.

‘I find that talking to them about strengths and weaknesses really help – then we focus on the weaker areas more. Also a schedule might help him get back into some sort of homework routine until it eases up a bit.’ Natasha hummed in thought and then smiled. ‘Sounds good. Thanks Clint.’ Clint patted her shoulder and gave her a kind smile, before walking back into the living room. 

‘Hey Kid, I’ve got an idea to help with your homework issue.’ Peter looked up at Natasha when she walked back into the office a few minutes later, carrying a large box that looked like it had been stored away for a while.  
‘This stuff are the Barton children’s – I remembered that I’d packed them downstairs in the craft room, but you can use them now.’ Setting the box down on the coffee table in front of Peter, Natasha smirked as he frowned at it.

‘What do I need crayons, pens and stickers for?’ Picking up a large piece of A3 paper, Natasha gave Peter a smile and handed him a small pack of crayons. ‘We’re going to make a homework chart for you. It’ll help you stay organised, less stressed and also it’s just useful to have it. Also, it’s probably best to make it colourful otherwise you won’t look at it. Also, I can help with your essay - it’s about Russia right? Well I happen to be an expert in that field, as I grew up there.’ Peter blinked away tears at the thought of how he and May used to make homework charts to help him for this exact reason and without thinking he gave Natasha a hug. She was momentarily shocked as Peter all but leapt into her arms, then she smiled and placed a small kiss on his head.

‘Thank you.’ Natasha heard Peter say as he hugged her. She held him tighter in response and then poked him in the side, causing him to giggle.  
‘No problem kid. Let’s get started.’ Natasha knew that Peter was hiding how he was really feeling and what was really going on underneath it all, but she hoped that things like this would encourage him to open up to her. Then, a little while later, as Peter looked up and smiled at her whilst they coloured in little pictures of books and things that they had drawn, Natasha knew that Peter knew that she was there for him and she felt happy.


	15. Confrontation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natasha visits Peter's Principal to discuss the amount of work he's getting and she finds out that Peter has been keeping a school letter secret from everyone about Parent's Night.

‘Peter’s wellbeing comes first, Mr Watson. I’m sure that you can agree with me on that.’

Natasha would never have described herself as the parental type. She praised herself on her skill and general intelligence and being extremely good at reading people. However, as she stood in the Principals office of Midtown High (Peter’s school), yelling at him about the incompetence of his staff, she internally felt very out of her depth and almost parental - she was determined to get him to sort out the homework issue, preferably without using weapons. The Principal had a thin layer of sweat beading on his forehead, as he tried to explain to Natasha about the school policies, regarding absence and catching up with work, however, Natasha could see right through him. She knew that Peter was the smartest in his year, which was why the school were more determined to catch him up quicker than most – as they didn’t want his grades to slip, however she was more concerned about his wellbeing than his grades.

The Principal squirmed under Natasha’s glare. ‘I understand Ms Romanoff, of course I do and I agree, however as Peter is a very gifted student…’

‘Don’t even go there. You can’t just calm his workload down for a few days and then make him do all the work he’s missed over a few days. It’s ridiculous. I agree that he is very smart, however he is still a child; a child who has lost his remaining family member recently and has a lot on his plate. Mr Stark, is Peter’s legal guardian and he is in an incredibly important meeting today, however he has given me express permission to make it very clear that you will tell the faculty to decrease his workload immediately, otherwise I have the authority to personally pull Peter out of this school. His wellbeing comes first – do I make myself clear?’ The Principal visibly coloured, then nodded and scribbled something down on a piece of paper; he then put it in his drawer, before addressing Natasha again.

‘Of course. He is a bright student and over the next couple of weeks, he will be able to catch up in his own time. I will have all the work that he has missed emailed to him, alongside the 3 assignments – but they will have a long extension of a month on them all. Is that alright?’ Natasha pondered for a minute, thinking about all the notes that Peter had shown her last night that he still had to learn, and she pursed her lips in thought.

‘Is there any type of revision session that Peter can attend, to help him catch up? He told me that he is especially struggling with English.’

‘Yes, there is one afterschool on Tuesdays and Thursdays. He is more than welcome to attend those, I will personally inform the teacher on the Tuesday – who is his English teacher, that he will be coming.’ Natasha nodded in satisfaction.

‘Good. He will be there, starting next week. Of course, if anything he hands in is slightly late for whatever reason, then I expect you to give Peter a full exception to any punishments that you usually use when a piece of work is turned in later than expected…’

‘-but there are policies and…’ Natasha glared at the Principal and he instantly closed his mouth, then sighed in resignation.

‘Thank you for your co-operation Mr Watson.’ Nervously standing up, Mr Watson nodded and led Natasha to the door. She shook his hand, then walked down the corridor back to her car, with a relieved smile on her face.

Immediately after opening the door to her car, Peter anxiously looked at her and exclaimed: ‘how did it go?’ Natasha raised an eyebrow at him and sat down, then closed the door and started the engine.

‘It went fine. You have extensions on all your assignments, homework and also a pardon if anything is late for whatever reason.’ Peter looked at her incredulously, his mouth hung open.

‘You’ll catch flies.’ Natasha deadpanned, pulling out of the parking lot and speeding down the road.

‘How did you manage that?! Mr Watson never ever does that! I thought he’d just give me an extra few days!’ Natasha smirked and swerved round a corner, before looking at Peter.

‘Because I am me and I have magic powers on unfair school Principals. He wasn’t happy about it, but he agreed with me in the end.’ Smiling, Peter gave an audible sigh of relief and settled down in his seat, looking at Natasha with an emotion that she couldn’t place.

‘Thank you so much.’

‘No worries Kid.’

***

‘How did it go with Principal Wotsit?’

‘Watson.’

‘Yeah I don’t care. How did it go?’

‘Fine. Peter has suitable extensions and also will be attending revision sessions to help him catch up.’ Tony nodded in response and sat down at his work bench, idly fiddling with a prototype, whilst Natasha leant against the door frame.

‘Thanks for sorting it out Nat. There was just no way I could get out of that SI meeting – it’s the annual one, so it’s pretty important.’ Natasha hummed and glanced over her shoulder, as Bruce walked down the stairs.

‘It’s fine, I understand. I wouldn’t have done it if I didn’t want to. I care about the Kid too, we all do.’ Tony gave her a kind smile. ‘Thanks Nat.’ He then gestured for Bruce to follow him, as Natasha gave them both a small smirk. ‘I’ll leave you boys to play with your toys then. I’ve got some paperwork to do anyway.’ Tony and Bruce nodded and started to fiddle around with the prototype on the lab table, as she walked out of the lab and made her way upstairs to her office.

An hour or so later, Natasha could be found sitting behind her desk, surrounded by a pile of papers, typing furiously on her laptop. She had agreed to be assigned mentorship of all the new Shield Recruits, and that meant a lot of paperwork and background checks. Natasha loved her job, but she much preferred field missions rather than paperwork. She still had a lot to do and was currently just under halfway through. Trying to identify the logical step forward in her work, a small knock at the door interrupted her train of thought and she called out ‘come in.’

The door slowly opened and Peter timidly walked inside. Natasha continued to type on her laptop, before looking up and seeing Peter, standing there, staring at his shoes. She immediately noticed that he looked like he was having an internal battle with himself about something and she found it very difficult to gauge what his visit was about.

‘Kid?’

Peter looked up at Natasha and then at the pile of paperwork and started biting his lip anxiously, before shuffling backwards awkwardly.

‘Sorry…I didn’t know you were really busy…I’ll just go…’ Natasha shook her head, closed her laptop and leant back in her chair, not taking her eyes off Peter.

‘No, it’s fine. I could do with a break anyway. Is everything alright?’

‘Yeah…I mean no…um…you said…you said your door is always open…’ He trailed off somewhat awkwardly and Natasha furrowed her eyebrows for an instant, before schooling her expression into her usual neutral one. Standing up, she gave him a kind smile. ‘It is. Do you want a drink or anything?’

‘Maybe an orange juice please?’ Natasha nodded and walked into the joined kitchen.

‘One orange juice coming up. Have a sit Kid.’ Peter sat down obediently on the couch and waited for Natasha – who came out a minute or so later with a glass of fresh orange juice. She passed it to Peter, who sipped it gratefully and sat down opposite him on the arm chair.

‘What’s on your mind?’ Peter instantly tensed and pulled out a piece of screwed up paper from his jeans pocket, before handing it to Natasha, who raised an eyebrow and started to read it.

** _Parents Night 23rd November 7pm until 10pm at Mid Town High_ **

** _Come and see what your child has been up to since the start of term. Meet their teachers, discuss their grades, see their latest projects and join in for the family bake off – winner gets a prize._ **

** _Every student must attend – as this is a compulsory event. Please give this to your parent or guardian and have them sign below on the dotted line. Hand the response in to your form tutor by the 21st of November. _ **

** _We look forward to meeting you all and to discuss your child’s progress so far in this academic year._ **

** **

Natasha looked up from the form and at Peter, who was fiddling with a hole on his sleeve. She knew that she needed to go about this in a sensitive way – after all, the Kid had only lost his Aunt a month ago.

‘So, Parent’s night huh? Sounds like it might be important.’ Natasha knew very well what it was and that it was compulsory and very important, but what she didn’t understand was why Peter was giving it to her and not to Tony – who was his legal guardian now.

‘Yeah… I guess.’ Natasha glanced back down at the piece of paper, before realising something.

‘Kid, the deadline for this is tomorrow. How long have you had this for?’ Peter squirmed a bit under Natasha’s questioning gaze and mumbled quietly ‘a week.’ Natasha’s eyebrows rose up and she frowned.

‘You’ve had this for a full week? Why are you only mentioning it now?’ Shrugging, Peter stared at his shoes and Natasha folded the paper up, then put it on the coffee table in front of them, before sitting forward and clasping her hands in front of her.

‘Talk to me Peter. What’s going on? Why haven’t you told Tony?’ Peter looked at Natasha – who frowned at how sad he looked. Saying nothing, Peter just shrugged and stared determinedly at his shoes, whilst Natasha was trying to figure out what the problem was.

Then all the pieces fit together. The Parent’s night was that Friday – which was the date of the annual Stark Expo. Natasha sighed and realised the issue. This was a compulsory parent’s evening and his old guardian was dead and his new one was busy with an event that only came around once a year and he was actually hosting it that year – which meant…

‘You want me to go.’ It wasn’t a question, it was a statement and Peter instantly looked up at Natasha, biting his lip nervously.

‘Mr Stark’s busy on Friday – he’s hosting the Stark Expo…I just…I don’t want to get in trouble and…I thought if you came then…I don’t know…it’s stupid…don’t worry about it…’ Softening her expression, Natasha gave Peter a kind smile.

‘It’s not stupid Kid. Of course I’ll go.’ Peter looked up so quickly that Natasha was sure that he had whiplash.

‘Really?’ Natasha smirked. ‘Yeah Kid, really. I’m not your legal guardian, but I’m sure that if Tony writes a letter explaining the situation, then your teachers will understand.’ Peter smiled and watched as Natasha took the form and signed her name on it, then handed it back to him.

‘Thanks Auntie Nat.’ Natasha nodded and looked at Peter - who looked like he wanted to ask her something, but was at war with himself internally.

‘Is there something else you want to talk to me about?’ Natasha asked gently, after a few moments of silence.

‘Yeah…it’s about yesterday actually.’ Natasha gave him an encouraging nod to continue. Peter opened his mouth to tell her about how much he had been struggling again, especially over the past week. He had barely been sleeping – and when he did, he had nightmares of May and because of this, he was constantly drained mentally; feeling sad all the time.

On top of this, Flash was still bullying him, and Peter found it harder and harder to ignore, as he had started to be physically abusive again – after Peter had beaten him by 15% in a recent test. Flash had realised that if he cornered Peter where the cameras weren’t positioned, then it was his word over his own. Being Spiderman, also meant that Peter didn’t trust his strength to fight back, for fear of seriously injuring Flash, so he felt stuck.

A few days prior, Peter had started to secretly harm himself again – with a stolen science knife from school in an effort to feel better and he felt disgusted with himself about his relapse, as he had managed to go almost an entire 3 weeks without doing that, since Natasha took all the razors out of his room. In addition to that, he was restricting his meals more severely again, secretly throwing it all up after mealtimes. Peter felt like he was trapped in a vicious cycle, that oddly even though he hated it, it brought him satisfaction – as he could control both hurting himself and his food intake, as he couldn’t control Flash bullying him, or how sad he felt all the time about May, or about how much work he still had to do and the fact that he just generally felt lonely and useless.

However, he couldn’t bring himself to tell Natasha about all that; as he glanced at her pile of paperwork and at her tired and concerned face - so he decided to keep it all secret, for fear of making her worried and disappointed in him. ‘I just wanted to tell you…thank you. I…I’m sorry for overreacting over some school work. Thank you for sorting it all out for me and for…for signing the form.’ Concern ghosted Natasha’s face for an instant, before she nodded and smiled, standing up.

‘No worries Kid. If ever you want a chat, you know that I’m always here to listen. No matter how stupid you think it might be or however difficult it might be to talk about.’ Peter nodded and stood up. ‘Yeah…thanks. I’m going to go and do some revision. Thanks again for signing the form and stuff.’ Natasha nodded and watched him go.

‘See you later Kid.’ Peter walked out of her office and closed the door behind him, leaving Natasha free to swear under her breath and put her head in her hands. She knew that something else was going on and she wanted Peter to feel that he could open up to her, but she knew that the only productive way to tackle it, was for Peter to ask for help himself – whatever it was that was going on.

Natasha decided to keep more of an eye on him from now on.


	16. Nightmare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter has a nightmare and escapes the Compound - not wanting to speak to anyone, how will he react when Natasha finds him?

Peter sat up bolt right in bed, chest rising and falling quickly. He gulped and gasped for breath, shakily turning his bedside lamp on. His eyes filled with tears, but he blinked them away angrily and tried to get his breathing under control.

All he could see every-time he blinked was his nightmare – seeing May’s lifeless face at the funeral and all the Avengers dying, and all he could feel was the painful throb of his cuts from the evening prior, on his arms. Peter stifled back a sob and pushed his hands over his ears in an effort to stop the voices in his head from overwhelming him to harm again. He vaguely registered that it was 3am, but he didn’t care as all of a sudden, his bedroom seemed to shrink and be too small. Gasping heavily, he swung his legs out of bed, slid on his slippers and quickly slid out of his window, to escape the confines of his bedroom.

***

Natasha had finally finished her paperwork and was sat on the steps by the back door of the Compound sipping at a mug of herbal tea – when all of a sudden, she heard a faint thump coming from nearby. Listening carefully for it again, she frowned when she heard a louder thump and then silence. Curiosity getting the better of her, she stood up and looked around at the silhouette of the Compound, which was shrouded in darkness.

Frowning, she listened carefully for any other thumps or sounds and not even more than 5 seconds later, she heard a very loud rustling sound coming from a little-ways behind her. Whipping around and stealthily grabbing the nearest thing that could be used as a weapon (just in case) – which happened to be a very small blunt shovel, Natasha crouched down, using the overgrown hedges as cover and she then made her way to the source of the sound. She figured it was probably just an animal, but it was better to be safe than sorry. Slowly, she peered over the top of the hedges and squinted into the darkness which was barely illuminated by the light of the backdoor; and her eyes landed on a very familiar figure who was sitting down on a bench – hidden by the cover of the overgrown hedges.

Natasha looked at the shaking shoulders of the 14 year old and debated whether or not she should go and wake Tony up, but deciding against it, she broke the silence, by making her presence known.

‘Kid?’ Immediately, Peter whipped around and put his right hand out, shooting a web at Natasha, who easily dodged out of the way, looking mildly amused at the fact that he was wearing his web shooters under his Ironman pajamas.

‘It’s just me.’ She glanced at his red rimmed eyes and came to the conclusion that he must have had a nightmare.

‘Are you ok?’ She took a step forward and gave him a sad smile. However, Peter looked at her and his face crumpled; then before Natasha could do anything else, apart from take one more step towards him, he stood up and ran away into the darkness of the garden, towards the lake.

Instincts taking over, Natasha immediately ran after him and found him a few minutes later. He was sat with his back against a large oak tree, his knees were pulled to his chest and his face was buried in his arms.

‘Peter?’ Speaking gently, like one would to an injured child, Natasha prepared herself for the possibility that he might try to run again, so she slowly walked over to him and held her arms out in a placating gesture, as the boy looked up at her, clearly fighting back tears.

‘Can I sit with you?’ Natasha asked, gesturing to the muddy ground by the tree – not bothered about her clothes getting dirty in the slightest. To her surprise, after a few seconds of contemplation, Peter took a shaky breath and nodded, then turned away from her and looked over at the lake, taking great shuddering breaths – clearly in an effort to control his breathing.

They sat in silence for a few moments, until Natasha heard Peter’s breathing calm down and she decided to try and see what had happened.

‘Nightmare?’ She asked nonchalantly; picking up a small flat pebble and skipping it in the lake, which attracted the attention of Peter, who looked at her through teary eyes and nodded.

‘Happens to the best of us.’ She continued, as if she was merely speaking about the weather. ‘Sometimes talking about it helps.’ She said shrugging, skipping another rock, pretending not to notice whilst Peter wiped a few stray tears off his face.

‘No thanks, I’m fine.’ He mumbled, pulling a clump of grass out of the ground. Natasha raised an eyebrow at him, but he was too busy staring at his slipper cladded feet to notice.

‘No offence Kid, but someone ‘fine’ wouldn’t be sat by a lake at 3 in the morning after a nightmare. What’s going on?’ Peter’s expression changed into one of annoyance. He didn’t want to be followed or questioned about his nightmare or anything, all he wanted was to be left alone.

‘Nothing, alright?! Just leave me alone.’ Slightly surprised at his sudden change of tone, Natasha changed her tactic. Clearly there was something else going on – as there had been for a while and she was determined to find out what it was.

‘Fancy a hot chocolate?’ Peter looked at her in bewilderment at the instant change of topic.

‘No.’

‘When I’m not feeling great, sometimes a warm drink helps…well anyway, you can’t just sit out here all night. You have Spider traits, which means you’re your body will shut down into hibernation soon, as it’s pretty cold, seeing as it’s November.’ Peter felt himself getting more annoyed. He didn’t care what happened to himself anymore, so why did anyone else?

‘I don’t care.’ He said stubbornly, shifting away from Natasha who rolled her eyes and fought to stay calm.

‘Look Kid. It’s cold and there isn’t a chance in hell that I’m letting you stay out here by yourself like this. Why don’t you come inside and we can have some hot chocolate, or just sit around by the fire for a bit – you don’t have to go back to sleep.’

‘Good, because I’m not and I’m not moving. You can go back inside. I’m fine.’

‘Peter, you are not fine. You have two options, come back willingly, or else I will bring you back.’

‘You wouldn’t.’

‘Try me.’ Peter glared at Natasha, who just raised an eyebrow at him and he quickly realised that she probably would just pick him up and take him back to the Compound – and due to his decreasing Spider-senses, he would be too weak to fight her off. He knew that she was only trying to help, but all he wanted was to be on his own, he was worried that if he opened up to her about his nightmare, then everything else would start to pour out and he felt his eyes start to tear up again. He wanted to open up to someone so badly, but he was terrified of losing someone close to him again.

Natasha watched his facial expression change from one of defiance, to one of utter sadness, before tears started to form in his eyes; she watched as he tried to blink them away and looked at the lake instead of at her.

‘Ki…Peter. I know I’m not the best at this stuff, but I am a good listener. Keeping things to yourself isn’t healthy and whatever you’re feeling is valid.’ Peter sniffed and looked at her, before nodding slightly and deciding to just tell her about his nightmare and not anything else.

‘I dreamt about May…her body at the funeral…’

_‘Oh Kid.’_

Peter continued talking. ‘-then I dreamt that you all left me. You all died too, on a mission and I…I was all alone.’ Natasha reached over and gave his shoulder a squeeze, before looking at him.

‘I know you miss your Aunt. It’s completely natural. It only happened a month ago Pete, no-one expects you to be back to normal or anything, it’ll take time and even then, things will never be how they were.’ Blinking back tears, Peter nodded.

‘With regards to all of the Avengers dying on a single mission – that seems pretty unluckily, but it could be possible, you never know. All we can promise you, is that we will be careful on missions – like we always are, and you’ve got Ned and MJ – you will never be completely alone. However, none of us have any plans to off ourselves, so you’re stuck with us for a while Kid.’ Natasha wiggled her eyebrow and Peter smiled slightly, then frowned.

‘I’m sorry for waking you up.’ Peter apologised, wiping a few stray tears from his face. To his surprise, Natasha shook her head.

‘You didn’t. I was busy with that godawful paperwork. Finally finished it, but I heard some thumps and curiosity got the best of me.’ She explained, standing up and holding a hand out for Peter – who accepted it and pulled himself up.

‘S’rry.’

‘Don’t be. It’s fine. I get it, nightmares can be pretty brutal sometimes and there’s times when you just need to get out.’ Natasha shrugged nonchalantly and gently nudged Peter. ‘The important thing to remember, is that there are still people who care about you.’ She smiled kindly at him, as Peter nodded then looked out at the lake. After a minute or so, Natasha broke the comfortable silence. ‘Can we go back inside now or do you need a few more minutes? Are you feeling better?’

Peter thought that in a weird way, he felt slightly better – even if it was just about the nightmare. ‘I’m ok now, my nightmare was just…’ Their eyes met in a silent understanding and Natasha gave him a sad smile. ‘It was scary?’ She supplied, giving him a knowing look and he nodded in response.

‘Admitting that you’re scared is fine kid. Everyone gets scared, even Superheroes.’ She tweaked his nose and he batted her hand away, smiling properly now, even though the cold of the frosty November morning had begun to set in and he was shivering.

Natasha instantly noticed that he had started shivering and before he could say anything, she had taken off her large winter coat and had put it around his shoulders, smirking at how he instantly cuddled into it. ‘Thanks Auntie Nat, but won’t you be cold?’

‘Kid, I grew up in Russia, I can handle a lot worse than this. Come on, before you turn into an icicle. I'll stay with you until you fall asleep.' Peter smiled and followed her back up to the Compound, feeling like a small piece of himself had been somehow put back together.


	17. Parent's Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natasha comes with Peter to attend Parent's Night and the secret is almost out about Peter being bullied. Will Natasha find out, or can Peter manage to convince her that everything is fine?

** **

‘Peter if you don’t hurry up, I’m going to leave without you.’ Natasha said, knocking on Peter’s bedroom door. All of a sudden, the door burst open and Peter ran out, protesting loudly.

‘You ready?’ Natasha looked at Peter with a raised eyebrow, who nodded sheepishly.

‘Good, let’s go then.’

***

Natasha pulled up into the car park, turned off the engine and turned to face Peter, who was looking at the school in trepidation.

‘You ok Kid?’ Peter looked at her. ‘Yeah…I just haven’t been to one of these without May before…’ Natasha nodded in understanding and together they got out of the car.

‘It’ll be fine. We’ll be in and out in no time.’ Peter nodded slightly and Natasha gave him a kind smile, then together they made their way to the school.

Walking into Mid Town High School, among the other parents and children, the first thing that Natasha realised, was that she wasn’t prepared at all, for just how family orientated this event would be. She felt Peter stiffen slightly beside her, as they walked into the main hall, where there were families standing around, admiring their children’s projects happily. Balloons decorated the hall and parents were smiling proudly at their children, as their teachers spoke about their current progress. Natasha squeezed his shoulder in support and turned to face him.

‘Where to first then Kid?’ Peter looked around and pointed to a large table in the middle of the hall.

‘I could show you my science project if you want? If not that’s fine, um…’ He broke off awkwardly and looked at Natasha, who gave him a kind smile.

‘Sure Kid. Lead the way.’ Peter grinned and led Natasha to the large table in the middle of the hall, which held all the science projects for Peter’s class.

Peter carefully picked up a large circular model and held it out to Natasha, who took it and turned it over in her hands, a questioning expression on her face.

‘What is it?’

‘I’ll show you!’ Peter led Natasha back outside and she gave him a questioning look.

‘It tells you about what the weather is going to be like.’ Peter explained, pointing to a large button on the side of the grey circle, which was next to a screen of sorts.

‘If you push this…’ He did so, and the circle lit up to a magnificent shade of blue and turned slightly colder in Natasha’s hand.

‘…then it uses the moisture in the air to determine what the weather will be like in the next hour or so.’ Natasha was amazed and turned the circle over in her hands.

‘You made this all by yourself?’ Peter nodded happily and Natasha couldn’t keep the shocked expression off her face.

‘This is really something Kid. How long did it take you to make?’

Peter scrunched his face up in thought, before answering. ‘About a month? There was a lot of coding and stuff, and it was kinda hard to adjust the wires inside without causing some sort of reaction with the moisture from the air and…I’m rambling…sorry.’ Natasha shook her head.

‘Don’t worry. It’s really interesting. So I assume it goes hot, when the weather is going to get hotter?’ Peter nodded eagerly and pointed to the screen on the other side of the circle.

‘This tells you the temperature and if there’s a change in visibility – like fog and stuff. Now, it just says that the temperature will decrease by 2 degrees in the next hour.’ Natasha smiled and ruffled his hair, before passing his project back to him.

‘Has it got a name?’ Peter looked at his weather project and frowned.

‘Not really. I was thinking WeatherReader5000…’

‘Why 5000?’ Peter shrugged and followed Natasha as she led the way back inside. ‘It sounds cool!’ Smirking, Natasha turned to him and nodded. ‘Something that cool, definitely needs a cool name. I agree. Who are we seeing first then?’

Putting the project back on the table, after his name, Peter turned to look around the hall and saw that all his teachers were preoccupied with students, however, looking down at his appointment card, he then looked around and pointed to his maths teacher. ‘That’s my maths teacher, Mr Newman. Our appointment is in 5 minutes.’

‘Then let’s go and have a chat with him.’

***

Peter found it funny, how all his teachers each had the same scared expression upon seeing Natasha Romanoff sit before them, as calmly as if this was something that she did on a regular basis. His meetings so far had been quite positive, even his English teacher had noticed an improvement over the past week and Natasha couldn’t help smiling whenever one of his teachers gave Peter a compliment or showed her a piece of his work – much to his embarrassment.

‘Who’s left then Kid?’ Peter glanced down at his appointment sheet and he smiled.

‘My Spanish teacher Miss Mayson and then that’s it!’ Natasha nodded and followed Peter as he led her over to his teacher.

‘Hello Peter, Ms Romanoff.’ Miss Mayson politely shook Natasha’s hand and they all sat down.

‘Peter is an amazing student and he is definitely one of the top ones in the class.’ Peter grinned, as Miss Mayson held out his recent test – which he had scored the highest in the class to Natasha, who accepted it gladly. ‘Nice work Kid.’ She praised, seeing the perfect score, and Peter smiled again.

‘I don’t really have any concerns regarding Peter’s academic abilities – if his test scores are anything to go by.’ Natasha saw Miss Mayson’s expression change into one of concern and she suddenly felt worried.

‘But?’ Miss Mayson looked at Natasha and then at Peter seriously before answering. ‘But…I have noticed that there sometimes is some negative behaviour directed at Peter, from another individual.’ Peter felt like this stomach had just dropped out and he felt sick. He hadn’t even thought that any of his teachers had noticed that he was being bullied by Flash and worst of all, Natasha was there to hear it.

‘I have of course spoken to the boy in question in private and this hasn’t happened for a few weeks, however I am concerned that this could also be going on outside of the classroom – away from staff. I do not have any proof of course, only what I have witnessed in class, I just wanted to make you aware of the situation Ms Romanoff and let you know Peter, that you can always come and talk to me if you need to.’

‘What negative behaviour?’ She asked abruptly, addressing Peter, who bit his lip and shrugged, trying to pass it off as not important. He remembered how Flash had locked him in a classroom for an hour because of the telling off from Miss Mayson a few weeks ago and he subconsciously trembled slightly, before composing himself.

‘Just name calling…nothing bad. It…it isn’t happening anymore.’ He lied. Miss Mayson gave Peter a sympathetic look. ‘Peter, you know that if it was still happening or had escalated in any way, that you can always come and talk to me.’ Peter nodded and tried to keep his breathing in check.

‘I know and it isn’t…everything is fine…’ Natasha looked intently at Peter and pursed her lips, before looking back at Miss Mayson, who continued to talk about Peter’s progress. When the meeting had finished, Natasha looked directly at Miss Mayson. ‘Thank you for your time. I appreciate you informing me of the situation too.’ Tipping her head politely in Miss Mayson’s direction, Natasha stood up, followed by Peter, who mumbled ‘thanks,’ and together they walked out of the hall in silence. Natasha had a snagging feeling that Peter had lied about the negative behaviour stopping – maybe that was why he had been more angry and withdrawn than usual? She turned to ask him if everything was really alright, but he mumbled quickly: ‘bathroom…be right back.’ Natasha nodded.

Not even waiting for an answer, Peter quickly ran upstairs to the nearest bathroom – which was on the third floor and he barely made it in time before he found himself on his knees in front of the toilet, throwing up. Hot bile coated his throat and tears streamed down his face, as he tried to control his breathing.

_That was too close. Natasha almost found out. Nobody could know that he was being bullied; he would look so weak. He was Spiderman for gods sake, but he allowed himself to be beaten up by a 14 year old most days, because he was too scared to fight back incase he seriously hurt Flash._

Sniffling miserably, Peter flushed the toilet and walked over to the sink, to rinse his mouth out and wash his face. He looked at his reflection and it made him want to cry again. He barely recognised himself. His eyes were teary, bloodshot and he had very large bags under them, he had lost a considerable amount of weight – which made his jawline protrude more so than usual and there was a dullness in his eyes which he had never seen there before.

‘-so then I said, Father, this teacher isn’t even qualifie…ha! Look who it is!’ Peter whipped around so fast, that he seriously thought he was going to be sick again and he came face to face with Flash and his gang – who had just entered the bathroom.

‘Well well, if it isn’t Penis Parker! What are you doing here?’ Peter wiped the tear tracks from his face quickly and glared at Flash, who pouted and gave him a mocking expression. ‘Aw look, Penis Parker is crying! Have you finally realised what a pathetic waste of space you are – or are you just missing your dead Auntie?’ Peter blinked back some more tears and his hands balled into fists, as his breathing got heavier and quicker.

‘Go away.’ Peter said, putting as much venom into the words as he could muster, but all Flash and his friends did was laugh and walk closer to him; one of the gang members, who Peter recognised as a boy from his Spanish class, went to the door and locked it.

‘Not very friendly there Penis. Think you would have learnt your lesson after last time.’ Peter subconsciously flinched, as he remembered the giant bruise on his shoulder, from where Flash had thrown him into a wall earlier that morning.

‘You’re an orphan now – no parents and no family at all – why would you bother to show your ugly face here?’

‘I’m not alone. Natasha Romanoff came with me.’ Peter said, chest rising and falling as Flash and his gang circled around him – like a predator does to their prey.

‘WHAT?! You’re telling me that you actually managed to pay THE Black Widow to pose as your mother for the night? Like an Avenger wouldn’t have anything better to do than come to a fucking school parents night?! That’s the best joke you’ve told.’ Peter blinked back angry tears and cursed himself for not telling Natasha exactly what bathroom he had gone to. He knew that if he didn’t turn up soon, then she would come and look for him and he couldn’t go back with any bruises – otherwise she would definitely find out and that made him feel sick again.

‘I think you need to be taught another lesson Penis. These lies are getting ridiculous. First you tell everyone that you were adopted by Tony Stark and now you’re bringing other Avengers into the mix?! You just need to accept that you are a worthless piece of shit, who is completely alone in the world.’ Peter knew what was going to happen a second before it did, Flash lunged forward and punched him in the stomach. Hard.

‘Flash – that’s enough! Let’s go!’ One of the boys tried to pull Flash away from Peter, as he was now kicking him in the stomach, but Flash shook him off and grabbed Peter by his throat.

‘Why are you even here anymore? Why don’t you do us all a favour and fucking kill yourself, you pile of shit.’ Peter grunted as Flash kicked him in the stomach again, hard and repeatedly. Finally, giving one last hard kick, Flash laughed and walked out of the bathroom with his gang before calling out: ‘SEE YOU TOMORROW PENIS!’

Peter coughed and sat up shakily, as Flash and the boys left. He pulled his knees to his chest and allowed himself to fall apart on the floor of the bathroom.

After a few minutes, Peter stood up and clutched his stomach in agony. He had barely been eating and because of this, his spider-powers were not healing him. He grimaced at his reflection and turned around to go and find Natasha – but he stumbled and he fell backwards; hitting his head on the sink. His vision swam before him and he put his hand to the back of his head, vaguely registered that his head was bleeding, as his fingers were spotted with red droplets.

‘Kid?’

Peter blinked and saw a blurry outline of Natasha, who was walking into the bathroom with a concerned expression on her face. Her eyes immediately locked onto his bloody fingers – and she rushed over to Peter, who sniffled miserably as she knelt down next to him.

‘What the hell happened? Are you ok?’

‘I…I slipped and…and hit my…head on t…the sink. It hurts…’ He whimpered, biting back a sob from the blinding pain, as Natasha gently tilted his head to examine the injury.

‘Well, good news is that it doesn’t need stitches. Come here, let me clean it up for you.’ Peter bit back tears and hissed in pain, as Natasha turned on the warm tap and cleaned the small cut on his head carefully.

‘All done. Unfortunately, I don’t tend to carry bandages or plasters on me, but just hold this tissue to it and it should stop bleeding in a few minutes. You just grazed it luckily - it’s just a small cut.’ Peter nodded, but then stopped, as it made his head spin.

‘Thank you…I’m…I’m ok.’ Natasha gave him a quick once over and helped him to stand up. ‘You sure? Ready to go home?’ Peter nodded in response and they then made their way out of the school and back to the car.

‘Are you sure you’re alright?’ Natasha asked, seeing Peter clutch his stomach, as he doubled over in agony, after buckling his seatbelt. He hummed. ‘Yeah…just got a stomach ache.’ He said, shrugging. Natasha furrowed her eyebrows but accepted his answer and she started the car.

‘For what it’s worth by the way, I know I’m not your parent or whatever, but after hearing your teachers comments and seeing your work tonight…well, I want you to know that I am proud of you Kid. Keep up the good work.’ Peter blinked and tried to comprehend what Natasha had just said to him and he found himself giving her a tentative smile.

‘Thanks for…for coming. I really…really appreciate it.’ Natasha smiled back at him and then looked at him seriously. ‘By the way Peter, if there is something going on with any Kids that are giving you a hard time – I want you to know that I’m here if you need to talk.’ Peter stared determinedly out of the car window, watching New York speed past him. ‘Thanks, but everything is fine, Auntie Nat.’ Natasha pulled out of the carpark and hummed in response.

‘Let’s go home then, Kiddo.’ Peter nodded. He desperately wanted to tell her about everything, but he couldn’t allow himself to open up to someone about everything – he hadn’t done that since May and the grief was overwhelming again. He felt so worthless that he was being bullied and all he wanted to do was cut himself in that moment. He sighed quietly and stared out of the window, absolutely dreading going back to school to face Flash again tomorrow.


	18. Panic Attack

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter is really struggling and after a panic attack, he desperately wants to fully confide in Natasha, but doesn't want to be a bother or disappoint her.

** **

‘Peter, you have to eat more than that! What about your…spider metabolism?’ Ned whispered, looking at Peter who shrugged. ‘Not hungry.’ He muttered, pushing his plate of barely eaten food away. It was lunchtime and Peter, Ned and MJ were sat at table in the corner of the canteen. Peter looked at his barely touched meal of beef stew and felt his stomach flip. He inhaled through his mouth to try and stop the oncoming feeling of nausea.

‘You’ve barely eaten anything all week! Also, did you finish that assignment yet – you said you’d pass me the notes on it, but you haven’t yet. Are you just stressed about finals, because they aren’t for like another few months?’ Ned asked as Peter groaned.

‘I’m just tired Ned, oh god the assignment - dammit. I forgot. Sorry, I’ll do it tonight.’ He mumbled putting his head on his arms. He felt his eyes begin to droop, when all of a sudden he felt something sharp poke his arm.

‘Ow!’ MJ looked at him pointedly, the glint of a sharp pencil being put away in her bag. ‘School is for learning not sleeping. That’s what a bed is for.’

Peter scowled, rubbing his arm angrily. ‘I’m not sleeping well alright? Just give me a break MJ.’

‘What about how you’re barely eating and how you never message us much anymore?’

‘Yeah, you said we were having a study session like yesterday and you bailed. That’s like the third time this week.’ Ned interjected, raising an eyebrow at Peter who was taking deep breaths in an effort to calm down. ‘Peter, we’re just worried about you man, ever since May died, you’ve been so isolated, we just feel like you’re pushing us away, we want to be there for you, but we can’t do anything if you don’t talk to us.’ Ned said sadly, looking at Peter who felt his temper rising higher.

‘Yeah, what Ned said.’ MJ agreed, taking a large bite of her sandwich, which made Peter’s stomach rumble. He felt really sick by this point and felt his hands start to shake – the beginning of a panic attack looming, as he caught Flash’s eye from the other side of the room; he grinned and Peter instantly felt his stomach flip again. ‘Look I’m fine. I don’t want to talk about this anymore.’

‘Just tell us what’s going on! And why are you wearing a jumper - it’s boiling in here!’ Ned replied, looking concerned.

‘I’m cold.’ Peter bit his lip and felt the taste of metallic blood in his mouth, as he tried to focus on the pain instead of his shaking hands, which he hid in his jumper pockets.

Ned and MJ looked sceptically at him and Peter felt his temper reaching a boiling point. ‘You’re our best friend, we just want to help you.’ Ned said softly. ‘Peter? What’s goin…’

‘JUST LEAVE ME ALONE, BOTH OF YOU.’ He yelled, slamming his hand down on the table. All eyes in the school canteen turned to their table, as Peter pulled his bag on his bag and stormed out of the canteen.

_Can’tbreathe_

_Can’tbreathe_

_Can’tbreathe_

Peter ignored the taunts from Flash and his gang as he passed their table and then ran through the school. He scribbled his name down on the leaving paper through blurry eyes and pushed open the front door, ignoring the shouts from the receptionist and a few teachers behind him. He had to get away.

After running for a few minutes, he collapsed in a heap behind a flower bush, shielding him from prying eyes as he started taking huge breaths in an effort to calm himself down. He curled up into a ball, as tears cascaded down his cheeks. He felt all alone. His panic attacks had been much more frequent since May’s death, but never at school like this before. He hated how the mere sight or even thought of Flash was causing him a lot of anxiety; he hated how he was cutting himself daily again and was barely eating. Tears continued to run down his cheeks as he remembered that May would always help him through his panic attacks.

Can’tbreathe

Cantbreathe

Cantbreathe

Hands trembling, after a few minutes of not calming down, Peter reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone, ignoring the missed calls and messages from his friends. He then texted a familiar number and waited, hoping that he was doing the right thing. After a minute or so, his heart leapt with relief as his phone lit up with a message from the one person he knew who wouldn’t judge him and would hopefully come and help him.

** _*Private messages*_ **

** _Peter: Cany you come and pick me up please I need to come hpme – im outside school, having a bad day_ **

** _Nat: Omw. I’ll be there in 10 minutes x_ **

A few minutes later, Peter vaguely heard the distant sound of a car screeching to a stop and of someone running towards him. He looked up, gasping for breath and saw Natasha crouching down in front of him, worry etched on her face.

‘Hey маленький паук. I need you to take some deep breaths for me, ok?’ Peter shook his head and clutched at his throat, as he gasped fruitlessly to take a breath. ‘…can’t…h…hurts!’ Natasha gave him a sympathetic smile and took his hands in her own, before looking at him directly in the eyes. ‘I know, but if you don’t breathe, then you’re going to pass out. I need you to listen to what I’m saying. Follow my breathing, watch me…’ Peter looked at her frantically, as tears rolled down his face and he saw her mouth moving but he couldn’t hear her over the erratic sound of his heart beating; she seemed to realise this as she stopped talking and instead moved his head over to her chest so he could feel the vibrations from her heart beat.

After what felt like an hour, but what was only probably a couple of minutes, Peter was able to breath somewhat normally again and he realised that his eyes were closed, as he listened to the soft thumps from Natasha’s heart beat.

‘Are you ok, Kid?’ Peter nodded against her chest, as she shuffled into a sitting position and put an arm over Peter’s shoulder. Natasha hummed softly, before looking at Peter. ‘Do you wanna tell me what happened?’ In response, he shook his head and sniffled miserably, staring determinedly at his trainers, as Natasha pursed her lips and raised her eyebrow at him.

‘Let me rephrase that, what happened?’ Biting his lip, as tears threatened to escape, Peter shook his head and sniffled miserably.

‘Nothing…it just…came out of nowhere…I’m fine now.’ Natasha looked at him intently, as once again he averted her gaze and stared at his trainers.

‘Peter, you’re good at many things, but you’re a shit liar Kid.’ Picking up a clump of glass, Peter shrugged and realised that there was literally no point lying to a master assassin; but he couldn’t bring himself to worry her more and if he told her about Flash, then he would seem weak…Natasha’s voice broke his train of thought and he jolted back into reality.

‘Kid. If you don’t want to talk to me, then that’s fine, but you need to talk to someone abou…’

‘-No!’

Natasha softened her expression and carded her fingers through Peter’s curly hair. ‘Then talk to me, what’s going on? I just want to help you.’

‘I’m just stressed with school and…I miss May. I just feel sad all the time, everything is going wrong again an...’ Shocked at his almost sudden confession of everything, Peter inhaled sharply when he realised what he almost just said and he started to hyperventilate. Natasha quickly tried to comfort him and turned his face to look at her, before exaggerating breathing exercises for him.

‘Hey! Hey! You’re fine Kid, breathe…1,2,3,4 good. Again, just like me.’ After a few minutes, Peter’s breathing had gone back to normal and he tiredly slumped against Natasha, as fresh tears rolled down his cheeks.

‘I’m proud of you for telling me everything Kid.’ Natasha said, wiping his tears away with her thumb. Peter stifled a sob. She didn’t know everything _at all_ and he was too much of a coward to tell her, for fear of seeming weak; but he still couldn’t tell her about his self harming, nightmares, eating habits and Flash – he had to be strong, he could get through this himself. He didn’t want to burden anyone.

‘Shhhh…it’s okay. We can deal with that together, just like we did before, ok? We can have a movie afternoon together; nice and relaxing – does that sound good?’ Peter was too tired to talk or even to think by this point, so he just nodded. ‘You’ve got a lot of people in your corner Kid – including me. My door is always open for you and you are never a bother - got that?’ Peter nodded again and swallowed a lump in his throat, as he desperately fought against the feeling of guilt and sadness that was threatening to overwhelm him; as he wanted to be honest with her, but he was too scared of coming across as weak and he didn’t want to burden her with his problems. He knew that Natasha knew about his eating habits and self harming, but he hadn’t talked to her about that in weeks, and he didn’t want to let her down; if she thought that he had gotten better. He just felt like a useless burden, back at square one.

‘Come on, let’s go home.’ Peter picked up his school bag, and then he allowed Natasha to help him stand up and lead him to the car, all the while wishing that he was strong enough to be completely honest with her.


	19. The Bully

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natasha finds out that Peter is being bullied.

It had been a week, since Natasha had taken Peter home, after his panic attack at school and they could both be found in the training room with Clint and Steve, training.

‘Go again. Watch your left foot.’ Peter nodded and got back into his stance as Steve threw another punch at him, which he easily avoided, relying on his spidersenses. Natasha was watching from the sidelines, talking to Clint under her breath, momentarily glancing at Peter, who didn’t notice. Ever since picking him up from school last week especially, she had been keeping an extra close eye on him, as she knew that there was something else going on, apart from May’s death, that he wouldn’t talk to anyone about and she was determined to find out what it was. Sooner or later, his ‘I’m fine’ façade would slip and Natasha would figure it out – she was patient like that and was prepared to wait.

Peter’s eating and selfharming was still very bad, he was cutting daily again – not deep enough to need stitches, but deep enough that he had no choice but to wear long sleeves until the cuts healed to small scars. He was eating around 100 calories a day, which for his spider metabolism wasn’t good at all – due to this, he was only patrolling once a week, as his powers kept fading at times – but he blamed it on his school work. On top of this, he was barely sleeping, as nightmares kept him awake and also at school he was being physically abused by Flash daily, and due to his deteriorating healing factor, he was covered in bruises on his body. Of course, everyone was oblivious to this and Peter was trying his best to keep up with his usual schedule.

Everytime that Peter threw a punch or did a few extra jumps than was necessary, he inwardly smiled that he was burning calories off. Breathing heavily and trying to ignore the nausea that was threatening to explode within him, he continued sparring with Steve and then with Clint. He had been at school already and had come back to the Compound until 5pm, when he would go back for his scheduled revision catch up session. Peter had been less stressed with school and he liked going to his revision sessions as he could get in a few extra miles of running – which he was happy about. He could count most of his ribs now and he had taken to not looking at his reflection for fear of bursting into tears at the stranger who looked back at him.

‘-ter?’

‘Huh?’ Clint was looking at him with a quizzical expression and Peter jolted back into reality, plastering on a fake smile.

‘I just said, that we’re going to take a break, but we’re coming back this evening to continue, after your revision session at school.’

‘Oh right, yeah sorry, I was…er…daydreaming. I’ll go a bit earlier today, I…I er… said I was meeting Ned.’ Natasha was watching the teenager closely and she narrowed her eyes for a second, before speaking up.

‘I thought you said that Ned was going out for a meal tonight?’ Peter bit his lips and felt his palms getting sweaty. ‘Yeah… that slipped my mind. I’ll still go a bit earlier – the best seats get taken first.’ He laughed nervously, making a move to leave, when Natasha pursed her lips.

‘I’ll drive you.’ Clint and Steve nodded in approval and started to pack away the training equipment.

‘Oh…you don’t have to…I can walk…’

‘No. I insist, it’s November and it’s cold. Go and get ready.’ Peter opened his mouth to argue, but looking at Natasha’s stern expression, he thought better of it and nodded, then walked up to his room to get changed.

***

Peter stared at the clock on the wall of the empty classroom and sighed heavily. He was now 30 minutes early for his revision session because Natasha had insisted on driving him, instead of him being able to go out for a run in secret. He scowled as he realised how many calories he must be storing sitting down, so he stood up from his desk, picking up his bag – for extra weight, and he then decided to walk around the corridors for 30 minutes, in an effort to lose some weight and for a distraction from the itches on his forearm from his earlier cutting session.

After an hour and a half or so, Peter’s revision session had finished and he was on his way back outside to meet Natasha – when he decided to nip to the toilet quickly. Taking the stairs two at a time, despite his tiredness and aching body, he reached the third floor toilet in record time. After doing his business, Peter washed his hands and stole a quick glance up at his reflection and shuddered.

His eyes were red rimmed and bloodshot – he had eye bags that looked almost black and his entire face was ghostly white and his jawline looked like it was protruding out of his skin. Taking a deep breath to stop any tears from falling, Peter picked up his school bag and began to make his way out of the bathroom, until he opened the door to the corridor and came face to face with Flash.

‘Well well, if it isn’t Penis Parker! What are you still doing here?’ Peter felt his stomach drop and he quickly looked down the corridor for anyone, but it was completely deserted apart from the two of them. Flash pulled him out into the corridor roughly and he lost his footing and fell over.

‘I asked you a question Penis. What. Are. You. Doing. Here?’ With every word, Flash kicked Peter in his stomach, hard.

‘R…revision ses..session.’ Peter gasped, holding his stomach in agony.

‘Ha, well unlike you – I’m here as I have officially been nominated for Student Representative of our year. Thanks to your little stunt with that slutty Spanish teacher – who had the audacity to tell me off in front of my parents last week at Parent’s Night, my application was very carefully analysed and it took a lot longer than it should have to be finalised, but they gave me the benefit of the doubt.’ Flash smiled a smug smile and kicked Peter in his side, hard, for good measure.

‘If I didn’t know any better Penis, I’d say that I am your superior now, as I am in charge of punishing stupid students and I consider you the stupidest of them all.’ Peter wanted to tell him to leave him alone, but before he could say anything, Flash had ripped his bag off his back and emptied the contents of it, so all his notes and work flew down the stairs and landed in a heap at the bottom. Peter felt tears swimming and he angrily blinked them away.

‘I really don’t know why you bothered coming back. Your Aunt is dead, you’re falling behind and to be honest, nobody gives a fuck about you. You’re a liar and a piece of scum. Why don’t you just kill yourself?’ He then pulled Peter up by the scruff of his neck and threw him back to the floor. Peter wanted the ground to open up and swallow him whole, he felt like his entire world had collapsed.

‘You’re a stupid. Worthless. Piece. Of. Shit. You. Deserve. This.’ With each kick to Peter’s stomach, Peter felt like he was going to throw up, as Flash suddenly grinned and pretended to think about something.

Flash then kicked Peter in the face, hard, who yelled out in pain as he felt blood trickling down his face. He curled up into a ball and squeezed his eyes shut, on the floor and didn’t notice as Flash pulled out his phone and knelt down next to him. ‘You know, I cant believe that you don’t fight back at all – it just proves how stupid and pathetic you are. Somebody needs to teach you a proper lesson, and as the representative – in a deserted corridor, I think that it must be me.’ Peter gasped out ‘w…what p…proper les…lesson?’ Flash smiled again; a horrible evil smile that made Peter’s skin crawl.

‘Well, I think you need something a little more…memorable, to think about – to remind yourself how worthless and useless you are.’ Flash then pulled out a permanent marker from his pocket and before Peter could comprehend what was happening, he quickly pinned Peter to the floor and pulled his shirt up.

‘How about…Penis, the orphan who is a constant burden to everyone…and who is pathetic and a piece of shit.’ With every word, Peter sobbed, as Flash deliberately took his time in writing on his stomach – making Peter want to throw up.

‘PLEASE! N…NO! ST..STOP FL…FLASH! PLE…PLEASE!’ Flash laughed, easily pinning his arms down, before finishing writing on his stomach and he then gave him another hard kick. He then pulled his phone out and took a picture – to Peter’s horror.

‘Too late Penis, the picture has been taken, now time to post it online from an anonymous account so everyone can see just how worthless yo…’ Peter looked past Flash with blurry eyes, at a familiar red-headed figure who had just appeared at the top of the stairs, and he cried in relief. Flash followed Peter’s gaze, turned around and instantly paled upon seeing who it was.

‘Just what do you think you’re doing?’

***

Natasha like usual, had been waiting for Peter in her car – however, she knew that Peter was much later than usual and although she gave him the benefit of the doubt, she couldn’t help a bad feeling from making her want to go and see what was taking so long; so she had gone into the school looking for Peter. When she had entered his empty classroom, apart from the teacher who had said that the children had gone over 15 minutes ago, Natasha knew that something had happened. She walked down each corridor very quickly and found herself climbing the stairs to the top floor (the third), when she saw a lot of papers with Peter’s familiar handwriting, scattering them. She frowned, but continued to the top of the stairs and she came face to face with a scene that would haunt her nightmares for a long time.

Natasha blinked and tried to comprehend the scene in front of her. Eyes darting around the scene, they landed on Peter, who was sobbing in a ball on the floor a few feet away, his shirt was pushed up, showing a lot of disgusting words, which made her feel sick; his nose was bleeding and she swore that there were at least 4 different bruises that she could see. She tore her eyes away from him and narrowed them at the nerdy, greasy haired kid who had just kicked Peter, hard.

Peter was being bullied. Natasha felt like a weight had dropped into her stomach and she had to take a moment to keep from murdering the greasy haired Kid in front of her.

‘Just what do you think you’re doing?’ The assassin said coldly, not missing the slight ghost of fear in Flash’s eyes, as he turned around and instantly stilled at the sight of Natasha Romanoff, before quickly putting his phone away – which Natasha didn’t miss.

‘Y…you’re…the Black Widow! It’s a pl…pleasure and that kid…he just fell over…’ As quick as a blink, Natasha had walked swiftly over and had pinned Flash to the floor - he screamed in horror. Voice lowering dangerously, Natasha whispered in his ear.

‘I don’t like liars. You have four seconds to talk, or I’m going to make sure that you never do again.’ The threat was empty, but it had the effect that she wanted, as Flash burst into tears and wailed loudly.

‘I…I d…don’t want…to…to die! Pl…please d…don’t! I…I’m s…sorry!’ Natasha stood up and looked at the snivelling boy in front of her, her face stoic.

‘I am going to ask you for the last time. What do you think you’re doing?’ Flash tried to stifle his cries and he looked at Peter, who was still sobbing loudly.

‘I…I was…’

‘Viciously beating up an innocent boy.’ Natasha supplied, with venom in her voice, as Flash nodded, tears spilling down his cheeks.

‘So you must be…Flash…Eugene Thompson. The arrogant little shit who has a jealous streak and who has been giving Peter a hard time.’ It wasn’t a question, it was a statement and Natasha smirked, as Flash paled and gulped.

‘You know who I am then, which means that you know that I have a group of pretty powerful friends. How about I give them a call and they can come and deal with you? Same treatment that you gave Peter – sound fair?’

Flash shook his head, and burst into tears. ‘No! No! I…I’m s…sorry! P…Please…don’t! I w…won’t d…do it…ag…again!’ Natasha glared at him and said in a low voice. ‘No, you won’t ever go _near_ him again, as I will personally make sure that you are excluded from this institution. You disgust me.’ She then turned to Peter and saw clearly the words on his stomach and her insides boiled. She then remembered seeing Flash with his phone out and she turned back to him, with anger in her eyes.

‘Give your phone to me, unlocked.’ Flash opened his mouth to argue, but at one look from Natasha, he froze and handed her his phone.

‘So, you beat up an unarmed Kid and then take a picture? Presumably to send to everyone.’ Natasha mused, scrolling down his phone.

‘I…I’m sorry.’

‘You are now that you’ve been caught. Oops…’ She saw the picture hadn’t been posted anywhere and then she crushed the phone for good measure. ‘…My hand slipped.’ Natasha then gestured to the stairs and looked at him with her special look – that was only really reserved for missions.

‘Leave.’ Flash nodded and ran down the stairs, as Natasha instantly moved over to Peter.

She felt her heart clench, as he curled into himself and sobbed, his arms wrapped protectively around his stomach.

‘Peter?’ He didn’t reply, only cried louder and Natasha knelt down next to him, rubbing small circles into the top of his back.

‘Oh Kid, why didn’t you tell me you were being bullied? More importantly, why didn’t you fight back?!’ Sniffling, Peter turned his head to look at her and Natasha grimaced as she saw all the blood from his nose. ‘I…p…powe…powers.’ Natasha understood and swore in Russian under her breath, but her expression softened.

‘You didn’t want to severely injure or even kill him accidentally.’ Peter nodded, then stopped as the action hurt his head. Natasha continued rubbing Peter’s back, before gently moving him into a sitting up position to assess his injuries.

‘I’m going to take your shirt off Peter, and you can wear my jacket until we get home ok?’ Feeling too sick and sad to care, Peter nodded and allowed Natasha to take off his shirt, until he realised that she would be able to see his arms. Before he could do anything, Natasha had pulled his shirt off and her eyes were instantly drawn to the hundreds of bloody lines on his arms. She didn’t even look slightly surprised, although an emotion that Peter couldn’t place flickered across her face for an instant and then it was gone. Peter stared at his shoes, as tears flooded down his cheeks, wishing in that moment that it was all one big nightmare and he could wake up. Natasha forced her eyes away from his arms and looked at his stomach…his stomach where his ribs were protruding, all caked with bruises – that didn’t look to be healing as quickly as they should be at all. She deemed them not serious, although they looked painful and she took her jacket off.

‘Here.’ She gently placed her jacket on Peter, careful to not touch a single one of his cuts, before helping him stand up. Pulling a tissue out of her jeans pocket, Natasha gingerly wiped away the blood on his face, shushing him softly as he whimpered with the pain.

‘Well, you’re going to have one belter of a bruise on your face Kid. Think you can walk?’ Peter nodded and with Natasha’s help, he managed to take one shaky step forward, before going rigid. She realised a second before, what was going to happen and using her quick reflexes, she turned Peter to the side, as he threw up all over the floor. Natasha wrinkled her nose at the foul smell and noticed that all he was throwing up was bile, but she quietly consoled him as he continued to empty the little contents of his stomach.

‘You done?’ Peter sniffled miserably and nodded, whilst Natasha debated what to do. She got Peter’s school bag and haphazardly started picking up bits of work and stationery from the stairs, before zipping it up, slinging it on her back and returning to Peter, who was swaying slightly with the effort of standing. She couldn’t walk him to the car, as clearly his body wasn’t going to be able to handle it, so she quickly scooped him up bridal style and started walking.

‘W…what are…y…’

‘I’m just carrying you to the car. You’re in no condition to be walking and I’d rather you didn’t pass out on me Kid.’ Peter whimpered as his stomach throbbed in agony from throwing up and from being kicked repeatedly.

‘It’ll be alright маленький паук, I’ve got you.’


	20. End of the road?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter finally has enough of his demons and makes a drastic decision. Will anyone be able to locate him, before it's too late?  
*Mentions of Suicide - don't read if triggered*

After Natasha had driven Peter back to the Compound and patched up his injuries in private; the entire team had gathered in the communal living room and were in the middle of discussing the fate of Flash, after Natasha had told them what had happened.

‘I mean is the electric chair too harsh?’

‘Yes Buck, but I agree with Stark, we need to act sooner rather than later.’

‘Kid? You’ve been awfully quiet – what do you think?’

Peter just shrugged and stared at his feet and blinked away the tears in his eyes, refusing to speak, as everyone else continued discussing things amongst themselves. Natasha was watching him from a corner of the living room and when he started to tremble – unnoticeable to untrained eyes, she pursed her lips and muttered something to Clint in Russian, who nodded and spoke up.

‘Right, let’s order some takeaway – I can’t be arsed cooking after tonight’s events. Tony?’ 

‘That’s fine, what does everyone want? Kid – you ok?’ 

Peter nodded, as he stood up and made a move for the elevator. ‘I’m ok, just tired – not very hungry. I’ll be down in a bit.’ Tony nodded sympathetically and started talking to Friday about takeaway places. Natasha slid through the crowd of Avengers who were giving Tony their food orders and followed the direction of where Peter went.

***

Peter opened his bedroom door, breathing heavily, as tears threatened to escape. He slammed the door. How could Flash have done that? That meant that Peter really was worthless, pathetic … he couldn’t even punch back … what type of superhero can’t fight back to a kid? Grabbing the nearest thing (which was a pile of books), Peter flung them angrily at his door, before proceeding to fling object after object around his room, as tears streamed down his face. Everyone must think that he was so weak now. 

Cutcutcutcutcutcut

Peter stifled a large sob, as his stomach give a painful rumble and he flung himself under his bed, curled up into a ball, as he allowed himself to fall apart. Natasha saw his arms, knew about him not eating – if all the bile was anything to go by and now all the Avengers knew that he was being bullied. Peter cried and cried, feeling like his entire world had come crashing down once again. Everything was too much, he wanted May, he wanted to be able to trust himself with sharp objects and not want to slice himself open all the time… he wanted to sleep without nightmares and eat without throwing up.

‘Kid?’ His bedroom door opened and Natasha entered, frowning as she looked at the seemingly albeit messy, empty room. Peter sniffled miserably under his bed and curled in further on himself. He heard a shuffling sound, and then she saw Natasha on her stomach, looking at him sympathetically from the other side of the bed.

‘_Oh Kid._’ Peter turned further away from her. He knew that she only wanted to help, but in that moment, Peter felt that he didn’t deserve comfort or solutions or anything…he was such a burden and he was fully trapped in the negative thoughts in his head. Natasha gently reached an arm towards Peter and lightly rubbed his shoulder in a comforting manner, as he continued to cry.

‘How about you come out from there and we can have a talk, hmm?’ Shaking his head frantically, Peter moved if possible, even further away from Natasha, who immediately retracted her hand – not wanting him to freak out even more. She knew that there was no way that she could talk to Peter when he was this distressed, but she was reluctant to leave him alone; however she knew that she needed to give him privacy if he wanted it, so she gave him the option.

‘Do you want me to stay, or go?’

Desperately, Peter wanted her to stay, for some form of comfort…anything, but he didn’t deserve it and he didn’t want to be anymore of a bother. ‘G…go…please.’ Natasha paused and frowned.

‘Do I have your word, that you won’t use anything on yourself, if I leave?’ Peter’s breath hitched, but he nodded. ‘…I…won’t.’ Natasha nodded and shuffled a bit, then Peter heard her footsteps retreat to the door. ‘Ok. I have your word then. I’ll be back to check on you soon Kid, when you’ve calmed down a bit. Everything will be ok. I’m downstairs if you need me.’ The door closed softly behind her and Peter burst into a new set of tears, before coming out from under his bed and pushing his heavy desk and chest of drawers in front of it, to hopefully stop anyone else coming to check on him. All he wanted…or felt that he deserved, was to be left alone now.

Pulling out his phone and setting the camera onto video, Peter sat down and started talking. Unbeknownst to Flash, suicide was something that Peter had been thinking about more and more lately. He wanted to feel happy again – would not bring here anymore be able to make him happy again? It would make everyone else happy… he was such a burden to everyone…Flash was right…he should just kill himself and then everyone would be happier without him. 

With trembling hands, he stopped the recording, placed his phone on his bed and set the timer of the recording for 30 minutes time, for Friday to be alerted to send his message to the recipients: Tony and Natasha, and then he started searching for his webshooters. The decision to go through with it, that he had been debating with for a few weeks, flickered to the forefront of his head and wouldn’t go away. He wouldn’t have to talk to anyone or put on a brave face anymore; or lie or not eat again, or cut or… or anything, if he wasn’t there anymore. Right? 

It could have been minutes, or hours, or even seconds, Peter didn’t know; he blinked, as tears continued to flood down his face as he stared at the floor, debating seriously taking his own life.

A knock at the door pulled his from his trancelike state and he jumped.

‘Kid?’ 

Peter felt like screaming. How long had he been debating killing himself? Long enough for Natasha to think that he would have calmed down by now. He glanced around and caught a glimpse of silver near the foot of his bed and he made his way towards his webshooters, when he heard another knock at his door.

‘Peter, I just want to talk. Let me in.’

He bit his hand in an effort to stop crying so loudly and he heard the door handle being turned, then the thump of his desk and chest of drawers, preventing it from opening much. He heard Natasha swear under her breath and push on the door more forcefully. 

‘I’m coming in Kid, whether you like it or not.’

Shaking his head frantically, as he started hyperventilating, Peter reached for his webshooters and he put them on, his mind made up. 

It all happened in one moment, Natasha managed to push the desk and chest of drawers out of the way and flung the door open. She instantly looked at Peter who was crawling out from under his bed, his face tear stained and empty; when all of a sudden his eyes met hers and he shook his head and said in a voice so devoid of emotion, that Natasha felt a tear form in her eye. ‘I’m sorry,’ he said, then he ran towards his open bedroom window.

Natasha’s eyes widened in horror and she ran to stop him, but he was closer, and he managed to fling himself out of the window, shooting a web as he went into the darkness of the night.

‘Peter! No!’ 

***

Peter swung through the cold night air and landed onto a rooftop, gasping for breath.

Can’tbreathecan’tbreathecan’tbreathe

‘No, no. Please, not now. Not again. Not another p…panic attack.’ Grasping the gravel on the rooftop to ground himself, he fell to his knees and tried to focus on his breathing, which was coming in short, sharp bursts.

A few minutes later, he managed to regain his composure and his vision returned to normal, albeit blurry. He sat down, putting his head in his hands. He just wanted to be alone. He had let Flash beat him up earlier – which he had been doing for weeks, but he hadn’t said anything or hit back, for fear of making things worse and now everyone would know how weak he was. He wasn’t wearing his suit or a mask, but he had his jacket on, pulled over his head, so his face was in shadow and for the first time in his life, Peter felt like nobody would miss him. He felt completely invisible to the world.

He was so hungry and was sick of not being able to sleep at night, for fear of having nightmares and waking up screaming. He hated that he hated himself so much that he cut daily and now Natasha would tell everyone about it.... A couple of tears slid down his face as he realised that he still believed everything that Flash told him every day about how useless and worthless he was. Peter bit back a sob, he missed how happy he used to feel…that felt like a completely different person compared to how he felt now.

_Foodcalorieshungrynothungryjustfat_

_Cutcutcutcutyoudeserveit_

_Uselessnothingstupidfailure_

_Everyonehatesyou_

_Worthlesspieceofshit_

Nobody would notice or care. They would be better off without him. 

Staring at the edge of the rooftop he had landed on, Peter sniffled and slowly walked over to the edge, so the front of his trainers were hanging off it. He was very high up, at least 30 stories and his eyes were fixed to the speeding cars below him and the thought of falling and not catching himself. It wasn’t high enough, but he knew exactly where he could go.

***

‘Where are you Kid?’ Natasha muttered, speeding through the streets of New York. After she had informed everyone of Peter running away, she ‘borrowed’ Tony’s brand new sports car, and sped out into New York to find Peter. Everybody had their own sections to look for him at – and Natasha had chosen to take to the streets, whilst many of the others had stayed back to analyse traffic cameras and bus schedules; and others had flown to more specific areas like Central Park and common places that Peter liked going to.

She took a deep breath and reminded herself that she was a trained spy and assassin, who has skills in communication, has a very high intelligence, is trained in martial arts, ballet, and combat – if anyone could find Peter, then she could. She had a few ideas of where he might be, but so far had been unsuccessful in her attempts. She nodded at herself and tried to think about things from a different angle.

Peter was a 14 year old kid, had no phone on him (as she had rung him repeatedly and had found out that he had left it on his bed, turned off) and he was possibly bleeding out if he had harmed again. He would want to be somewhere away from everyone, so that meant the churro stand, lego shop, the comic book store and the streets were out; racking her head for the next place to try, Natasha was slightly shocked when her phone started ringing, with a video message from Peter. Immediately she pulled over and pressed play. Nothing could have prepared her for what she saw.

It was clearly a phone video message and Peter was sat in front of the camera, clearly he had been crying. The date at the bottom of the screen showed that the message was recorded less than an hour ago. Natasha felt her stomach drop, as Peter started talking in the most broken voice that she had ever heard from him.

_‘Hi. I guess you’re wondering what this is. Well, I…I’ve been struggling lately…struggling a lot. Since…since May died, I felt like my life wasn’t worth anything. I’ve made so many mistakes, hurt so many people and I…I’m just so tired. I’ve battled with demons in my head for most of my life and it doesn’t seem like they’re going away anytime soon…’_ Peter broke off and gave an almost hysterical smile to the camera – but Natasha saw straight through it, he was terrified.

_‘…I…I just can’t do this anymore. I’m so tired of everything and…Flash was right, I am a burden…a worthless orphan…a waste of space. Today proved that. I can’t be a superhero if I can’t fight back to a kid! What does that make me? Weak. I’m not like any of you and I never will be. I am a pathetic waste of space…’ _Looking at his feet, Peter took a deep breath and then looked directly at the camera_. ‘…I want to say thank you, to you all, to Tony, for letting me live with you, for helping me and just…for everything – and to all the Avengers too…but most of all, to Natasha. I don’t need to say what you helped me with, you know. I just wanted to say thanks and…I wouldn’t have made it this far without you and I’m sorry, it isn’t your fault…I just can’t fight anymore. I’m done…’_

Natasha immediately turned the car on again and sped down the streets, blinking away her tears, as the camera frame moved and Peter smiled sadly, before saying: _‘…so anyway…I guess this is goodbye. I love you guys and I’m sorry.’ _

Her heart pounding, Natasha instantly tried to focus, she had to save him. He would want somewhere open, somewhere hig…

_Shit_

Her phone started ringing and she saw that it was from Tony, but she didn’t answer, she had to save Peter and all she wanted to focus on, was where would he have gone to…

Natasha thought about the most popular suicide spots in New York that she knew of from news articles and things…there were so many; how could she find him before he took his life? Peter wasn’t like most people though…he could climb…he would be up very, very high, however he knew a lot of high places. He always said that the Manhattan Bridge was the best place for the most amazing high up view though… Natasha then shook her head in exasperation at herself and she felt her stomach flip, swearing under her breath. She knew where he was, because it would be where she would have gone if the roles were reversed.

‘Friday? Send a message to Tony. I know where Peter is and I’m going to save him. I’ll bring him back as soon as I can - I don’t want the Kid to be overwhelmed with anyone else coming.’

_‘Confirmed. Boss says thank you and to make sure to let him know if you need help immediately.’ _

Natasha nodded and drove faster than she had in her entire life. She had to get to Peter.


	21. One last breath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will Peter finally succumb to his demons? Will anyone save him?  
*Trigger of Suicide Attempt - do not read if easily triggered*
> 
> Stay Strong<3
> 
> MarvelObsessedgirl3  
xx

Peter stifled back a sob as he swung from building to building.

_ I’m a burden _

_ It’s all my fault _

_ Everything is always my fault _

_ I’m worthless _

_ No-one could want me _

Gasping for breath, Peter fell onto the nearest rooftop and wiped his eyes furiously. He didn’t have his suit on, but he had pulled his hood up, so only his eyes were visible if anyone happened to see him – not that he particularly cared anyway. He looked around at his surroundings and still felt too trapped and not high enough, despite being at least 50ft off the ground. Hyperventilating, Peter ran to the edge of the rooftop and jumped, swinging into the air. 

A few minutes later, Peter reached his destination and looked around; he could see out for miles, nobody knew that he was here, he was completely isolated. His face crumpled and he burst into tears and collapsed in a heap, pulling his legs to his chest for comfort. 

_ What have I done? _

He shakily took a few breaths in an effort to stop himself from passing out and looked down at his wrists, under the bandages that Natasha had kindly wrapped his arms in from earlier that day. The cuts he made that morning hadn’t started bleeding again, but for some reason they were not healing as quickly as Peter thought they should have been. His stomach rumbled and he sighed in realisation – he hadn’t eaten properly in days, no wonder his spider abilities weren’t functioning properly. He sniffled and didn’t make a move to wipe away the tears that were once again flooding down his face.

_ I deserve all this pain, I always have done _

_ I’m the reason Uncle Ben died _

_ The reason that Flash bullies me _

_ The reason that probably hundreds of other people have died _

_ Cutting helps but it wasn’t quick enough to end it all _

_ This will be _

_ No-one will care _

_ No-one knows that I’m here _

_ I miss May _

_ Nothing is worth living with this pain everyday _

_ I’m just too tired to fight anymore _

_ I deserve to die _

He stood up and moved slowly towards the ledge of the Manhattan Bridge, head feeling much calmer at the thought of jumping off and not catching himself. No-one would care, maybe Aunt May, Mj, Ned, Mr Stark and Auntie Nat would be sad for a bit, but they’d get over it. They probably would be glad to be rid of such an annoying stupid boy. He stifled a sob as he reached the edge, feeling the cold November wind hitting his now exposed face. This was it. He was finally going to end his life…so why was he hesitating? He looked across at the view of New York and saw all the twinkling lights from the cars below and from the buildings, then he looked up at the stars and sniffled, as he thought that this would be the last time he would ever look up at the sky. Taking a few moments, Peter inhaled deeply and he raised his arms, then allowed his toes to creep over the edge. Nobody was here to stop him. Would he stop even if there was? Did he really want to do this…yes…anything to stop feeling the way he was feeling. One last look…one last breath…this was it…

Peter closed his eyes and stifled a sob, preparing himself to jump…to finally be free; however a familiar voice jolted Peter from his action and he immediately whipped around and came face to face with Natasha Romanoff, who was standing a little bit away from him, her eyes intently following Peter’s every movement.

‘You know you’re a pretty hard kid to track.’ Natasha was walking towards him slowly from a little way away, her hands were held out in a placating gesture, as Peter felt a mixture of anger at having been found, relief and also general sadness. Natasha saw in his expression that he was feeling a lot of different emotions and she wasn’t sure what he would act on, so she knew that she had to be extremely careful with what she said. 

Natasha had never seen Peter so…broken. Of course, she had essentially been his emotional support since his Aunt died a little over a month ago and had been there through every mood, every tantrum and every meltdown, but seeing him so close to the edge of the bridge, one step away from death, she looked into his eyes and for the first time, she saw complete emptiness, there was no fight left in him; and Natasha felt her heart shatter for him in that moment. 

Being a trained assassin, a spy and an Avenger, didn’t help Natasha as she stood on that bridge, looking at a kid who had somehow wormed his way into her heart in a matter of weeks, who was contemplating taking his life; she had no idea what to do or say, all she knew was that no matter what happened, she was going to try her best to help him, like she had always done. 

‘Are you going to do it?’ 

Peter stared at her straight in the eyes, before answering in the same broken voice that she had heard on the video message. ‘…W…would you stop me…if I did?’ He didn’t wait for a reply and Natasha noticed a slight tremble in his shoulders, as he turned back around and looked at the city below him. She felt her heart drop to her stomach, as he slowly moved his feet, so his toes were hanging off the edge again – just like he was when she arrived. She had to act fast, he wasn’t messing around. 

‘No. You’re the one in control here kid. I wouldn’t do anything, if you didn’t want me to…’ Peter turned around again and she noticed that he gave a slight nod with his head. ‘…I couldn’t, even if I wanted to. I haven’t brought anything to catch you with.’ She joked lightly, however her smile didn’t reach her eyes and Peter tensed for a second, before he turned back to look at the ground. She heard him start to cry and she felt completely out of her depth, she couldn’t stop him from jumping if he was seriously going to…only hopefully stop him by talking, which he didn’t want to do clearly; however the Black Widow side of her, reminded her to look at all her options – which included her location. 

Natasha quickly looked around her and saw that there was a bit of old rope, which she silently looped into a sort of harness, then she placed it around her waist and tied it quietly to the bridge, in the shadows, disguised by her coat – that she pulled over it. If he jumped, Natasha inwardly prayed that the rope would hold, as it looked very old and worn, but she had no other option. She had to keep him distracted, keep him talking. He was currently looking at the ground still, sniffling softly through hitching breaths and Natasha forced herself to keep him talking, no matter what. She couldn’t lose him. 

‘So, do you want to?’ 

Peter once again turned around and sniffled before answering in that same broken voice. ‘Do…do I want to…what?’

‘Jump.’ Natasha said nonchalantly, as if they were just discussing the weather. Peter visibly stiffened and subconsciously, he started to bite his lip. 

‘Peter?’ He turned to look at her and was surprised to see that her face was completely blank and that she had also moved closer to him whilst he had been turned away. Despite the cold night air and the fact that he had been crying for a while, Natasha was close enough that he could smell her familiar perfume…the perfume that reminded him of May…of everything…

Watching his facial expression morph from surprise, into sadness and then anger, Natasha felt her heart clench for him, and they stood in silence for a few moments. She then slowly took a step towards him, but her eyes widened as he shuffled backwards slightly.

‘NO! STAY WHERE YOU ARE!’ He yelled and Natasha instantly stilled and once again put her hands up in a placating gesture. 

‘Ok, I’m not moving a muscle. Scouts honour.’ Peter glared at her and his fists balled at his side. ‘You were…never in Scouts – it doesn’t…it doesn’t mean anything.’ Natasha shrugged and cursed her stupid attempt at humour, she was just thankful that he hadn’t jumped, when she’d moved towards him. Rooky mistake Romanoff. 

Peter was silent, but Natasha had noticed that he hadn’t made a move closer to the edge… although if he was any closer, he would fall off. 

‘You know, there’s a part of you that doesn’t want to do this.’ She said casually, eyes intently watching Peter for any sudden indication that he was going to jump. 

‘How would you know that?’ He said, slightly taken aback. Natasha looked at him and gave him a sad smile. 

‘Because you’re still here, talking to me. You don’t want this.’ She said simply. 

‘YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT I WANT!’ Peter roared, his fists balling at his side, so hard that Natasha saw blood pool under his fingernails, even through the darkness of the night. 

‘So, tell me.’ She said simply. Peter didn’t know if it was because of how calm Natasha was, or the fact that all his emotions were finally exploding out of him, now that he was one step away from taking his life, but he started to tell Natasha everything. 

‘I HATE MYSELF. I WANT OUT. I WANT IT TO END! IT’S NOT FAIR! I’M USELESS…I’M NOT AN AVENGER…I KILLED MY UNCLE BEN AND M…MAY IS GONE…SHE’S GONE AND I…I…FLASH IS RIGHT…I’M A WORTHLESS ORPHAN A…AND NO-ONE C…COULD LOVE ME…I HATE…MYSELF AN…AND I D…DON’T DESERVE TO …BE SPIDER-MAN A…ANYMORE, I…CA…CAN’T E…EVEN F…FIGHT BACK… I’M…S…SO…STUPID…AN…AND…W…WEAK…EV…EVERYONE…WOULD B…BE…BETTER…OFF…WI…WITHOUT M…ME. I C…CAN’T D…DO THIS A…ANYMORE. I…I WANT OUT. I WANT IT TO END!’ He screamed, taking another step backwards and he felt his heels touch the edge of the bridge. Natasha felt her heart clench for him and tried to think of something to calm him down fast. Nothing she could say to reassure him would work, she needed to distract him, to show him that she understood – but still show him that he was worth life. 

‘Peter…’ Natasha’s voice quivered as she looked at the broken teenager who was falling apart in front of her and was seriously contemplating taking his own life.

‘…I…I D…DESERVE TO D…DIE. I’M USEL…USELESS. E…EVERYONE WOULD BE…BE BETTER OFF…WITHOUT M…ME.’

‘маленький паук. None of that is true and you know it. Please let me help you.’ Natasha begged. 

‘I…I want to die…Auntie Nat…I…can’t d…do this anymore...I…I’m sorry...’ Natasha swore under her breath and desperately tried to remember anything that she had ever read about suicide prevention.

Peter’s voice broke her from her thoughts. ‘I’m…s…so…sorry…I…just can’t d…do this any…anymore.’ She saw Peter shuffle backwards ever so slightly, so that his heels were now hanging off the edge. Natasha felt her breath catch in her throat and before she knew what she was doing, she found herself nodding and had sat down a few feet away from Peter, her legs crossed in a somewhat calm position, addressing him as if they were just having a regular conversation.

‘You remind me of myself.’ Natasha said simply. Peter immediately met her eyes. ‘W…we aren’t t…the same.’ 

‘No, we aren’t.’ Natasha agreed. ‘You’re better than I ever was.’ She noticed that he had stopped shuffling backwards and had actually taken a very small step forward, towards her by that point and his heels weren’t hanging off the edge anymore. 

‘Why do you think that you remind me of myself?’ She pressed, looking at Peter who was silently crying now.

‘I…I don’t know.’ He said, swiping an arm across his face, to get rid of his tears. 

‘Because, no matter what shit, life throws at you, you get up and try again.’ Peter looked at her incredulously, a mixture of shock and anger radiating from his face. ‘I CAN’T! DON’T YOU GET IT?! I’M SO TIRED OF FIGHTING, OF TRYING, OF PRETENDING TO BE OK, WHEN I’M FALLING APART! I’M WEAK! I’M NOTHING LIKE YOU, LIKE ANY OF YOU. THAT’S THE POINT! I’M DONE! I WANT IT TO END… I’M…I’m weak…’ His voice broke into a large sob at the end, as Natasha watched him sadly, but she didn’t look phased by his sudden shouting. 

‘You are not weak. We all need help, even Superheroes – it doesn’t make you weak at all; but even right now, having the option to end it all right behind you, you’re choosing to talk to me. That is the bravest thing. That is why you remind me of myself. Because no matter what shit is going on, or has happened, you carry on, you always try to be a better version of yourself.’ Peter was still crying silently, but he blinked and looked at Natasha, who kept her face devoid of emotion, and was watching him intently. A few minutes passed in silence. Natasha looked out at the view from the top of the bridge, looking at all the passing cars below them, letting Peter lead the conversation if and when he wanted to. 

Peter bowed his head as tears flooded down his cheeks, which were tinted red from the cold night air and he took a step forward towards Natasha. 

‘…I just…I miss May…I…I feel so alone a…and worthless…I…don’t know what…to do…I wasn’t completely honest with you…I’ve b…been cutting m…most days…and Flash…an…and my eating…and nightmares…I…I’m sorry…didn’t want…you to think I w…was weak f…for getting worse again a…and I miss May…’ Natasha looked up at him and stood up, inwardly sighing in relief when he didn’t make a move to move away from her or anything.

‘I’m proud of you for telling me. I am really. Also, I would never think that you were weak and…I knew that you weren’t completely honest with me…’

‘-H…how?’ Peter asked, sniffling, as Natasha smirked. ‘Well, I am a trained assassin and a spy…there really isn’t much that you could hide from me Kid, and I knew your behaviourisms were practically identical to how you were a few weeks ago, when I found you for the first time when you needed Super Soldier meds in the kitchen. You had the same emptiness in your eyes…look, I understand that you probably didn’t want to bother me or anyone with it and I’m not mad. I just didn’t want to overstep into that parental role if you didn’t want me to; as I knew you missed your Aunt and didn’t want me to replace her. I have been keeping an eye on you and for the record, I was going to have a chat with you soon about everything, tonight actually, before you left…’ She explained gently, as Peter’s breath hitched and tears fell down his face.

‘I…I didn’t know th…that you cared t…that much. I…I’m so…sorry…I just…I couldn’t fight anymore…’

‘-I know kid, but there are a lot of people fighting in your corner for you. You really aren’t alone, even if you feel like you are; there are people who care about you and who love you and….I…I’m one of them.’ Peter sniffled and looked up at Natasha, who gave him a kind smile. His face crumpled as she opened her arms for him and he flung himself into them. She immediately held him close, as he once again fell apart, as she comforted him quietly; relief blossoming in her chest that he didn’t jump.

‘T…thank y…you…f…for s…sav…saving m…me.’ Peter sobbed into her chest, as Natasha felt a tear slide down her face. She held him for a moment, before she tilted Peter’s tear-streaked face, so that he was looking at her directly, before she said softly: ‘I will always save you маленький паук. Now, let's go home, the rest of your family are waiting for you.' 

Peter smiled and nodded.


	22. Difference of opinion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Avengers are all conflicted with what's best for Peter, after his suicide attempt.  
Natasha confides in Clint.

Groaning, Peter opened his eyes and saw that he was in a bed, in the medbay, wired up to multiple machines – that Bruce was standing next to, monitoring, whilst making notes on a clipboard. He blinked stupidly and saw Bruce walking up to him, a confused, but gentle smile on his face. Peter looked at him in confusion for a few moments, before the events of the night came flooding back to him and he started to cry, wishing that it was all a bad dream.

‘Ah…it’s okay Peter. Everything is going to be fine. You shouldn’t be awake yet… I expect your metabolism has rebooted itself somehow and…burned straight through the sedatives…I…I’ll just go and get Tony…’ Peter felt like he was going to be sick. Tony and the Avengers would know about everything now and would have watched his suicide message…he didn’t know if he could ever face them again. The only person that he wanted to see now, was Natasha – the one person who wouldn’t ask any questions or hopefully over-react to the situation.

‘No…no! Jus…just…N…Natasha…please!’ Peter begged, as tears streamed down his face. Bruce just nodded, looking slightly flustered, he was clearly out of his element and he told Friday to get Natasha there immediately.

***

After Natasha had found Peter, she drove them back to the Compound. He had passed out in the hallway, due to malnutrition and also from emotional exhaustion, so Steve had carried him down to the Medbay, where Bruce was ready to take care of him. Currently, Natasha had just finished telling everybody about the situation of Flash and of Peter struggling to cope after May’s death and they were all sitting in the living room, arguing about what the next logical step should be.

‘…to go to see a therapist!’

‘Tony’s right, this is non-negotiable.’

‘…just tried to take his own life! Is nobody going to address that?!’

‘We are well aware, however, this needs to be handled delicately…’

‘Tony, you can’t just ship him off to a psych ward!’

‘Yes, I can and I will! This is beyond us! I’m listening to you all, because you all help look after him, but this is ridiculous!’

‘Just go and kill the punk who beat Peter up!’

‘No! This needs to be done properly, not through violence.’

‘You’re not listening!’

‘THAT’S ENOUGH!’ Steve stood up, holding out a hand to silence everyone, who immediately froze – apart from Natasha, who was holding a large glass of red wine, staring unblinkingly at it.

‘We all agree that this is a very delicate situation, but no amount of arguing is going to help this. Tony is his temporary guardian, and therefore has the final say, however, as we are all helping to take care of him, Tony has agreed to hear everybody’s thoughts and ideas – so…everybody will be heard, with respect. It has been a very challenging night and I think I speak for everyone when I say that we are all in need of a break, before we reconvene. Everyone take 5 and let’s just calm down.’ There was murmured agreements and nods, whilst some people went into the kitchen for a warm drink, and others crashed by the television, sighing heavily.

Clint walked into the kitchen and sat down opposite Natasha, who raised an eyebrow at him.

‘You ok?’ He asked in Russian, as Natasha nodded slightly and stood up, before pouring him a glass of wine.

‘Want to talk about it?’ Natasha handed him the glass and looked at him seriously for a moment, before speaking back in Russian. ‘Can we head outside for a minute?’ Clint nodded and both of them walked out of the back door and sat on a bench in the dark garden.

‘Do you really think that having Stark ship him off to a psych ward is the best call?’ Natasha asked, staring out into the garden.

‘Do you?’ He countered smoothly, taking a sip from his drink. Natasha shook her head. holding her glass tightly, like it was the only thing tethering her to reality in that moment.

‘I don’t either.’ Clint continued, sighing heavily. ‘The poor Kid has been through hell and back and if it was up to me, then that asshole who beat him up would be dead right now. However, it isn’t up to me, it’s up to us all – and we all have different ideas about what’s best for the kid.’ She nodded and they sat in silence for a few moments, before she spoke up. ‘It isn’t fair on him.’

‘I know.’

‘God, Clint…when he was on that bridge…he was going to jump and I didn’t think I could stop him.’ Clint noticed that Natasha had started to shake slightly and that her eyes were slightly glassy.

‘Nat?’

‘He’s just a kid.’

Clint sighed heavily, ‘yeah I know. Never thought that he’d resort to that. This superhero life comes with a cost – it’s difficult up there.’ He tapped his head and sighed. Natasha hummed in agreement and took another sip from her glass of wine, in an effort to ease the small tremors that had started in her hands, as she thought about how empty Peter’s face had looked when she saw him about to jump…just like she had looked all those years ago.

‘Seeing him on the bridge…it…it brought back…I can’t…I don’t…I can’t…I…’ Sudden shaking overtook her hands so much that the glass of wine fell to the ground and smashed. Her vision blurred and it felt like Clint was talking from the other end of a tunnel, as her body went very cold and then very hot, whilst her breaths came out in harsh gasps.

‘C…Clint…I’m…I’m dying.’

‘_Fuck._ Nat? Stay with me, you’re not dying, I promise – it’s a panic attack, come on, you’ve got this. Just breathe.’

‘I…can’t…’

‘Yes you can. Follow my breathing. In, 2, 3, 4 and then out, 2, 3, 4. Good, do it again.’

After a few minutes of coaching Natasha through breathing exercises, Clint helped her to sit back on the bench – as at some point, she had fallen to her knees, guided by Clint who had helped her to narrowly avoid the pile of glass on the floor.

‘You ok?’ She hummed in response and swiped an arm across her eyes, before looking at him.

‘Sorry.’

‘Don’t be. It happens to the best of us. You haven’t had one that bad in a while. Is everything ok?’

Natasha sniffed. ‘…Seeing him on the bridge… it just brought back some memories, you know from when you…found me all those years ago in Budapest and at the time… I managed to push the thoughts away…as Peter needed me…but now, I guess they just got the better of me.’ She shrugged and looked into the distance.

‘Shit Nat, that’s rough. Want to talk about it?’ Natasha sniffed and looked at Clint, tears prickled her eyes.

‘You already know that I’d cut before and was suicidal when you found me.’

‘Yeah, is that what caused the panic attack?’

‘No.’ Clint raised an eyebrow and gestured for her to continue.

She sighed heavily. ‘I just don’t want him to turn out like me, like any of us. It isn’t fair, he’s 14 – his biggest stress should be about exams at school, not the fact that his last remaining family member died, or that he’s trying hard to not eat or cut, or the fact he’s being beaten up daily. It’s not right. I should have noticed earlier about his relapses and deteriorating mental health, I’ve been through what he’s feeling and I didn’t notice soon enough. I want to save him, like you saved me.’ A tear rolled down her cheek and she sniffled taking a shaky breath. Clint moved over to her and embraced her in a hug.

‘There was no way you could have noticed, you know as well as I do, that there are ways of hiding this type of behaviour – don’t you dare blame yourself, you’ve done a good job with him and you saved his life earlier tonight. It sucks Tasha, but by the looks of things and from what you told me about him, he’s had this issues for a long time before us and he was a vigilante before we all came along – either way he has these freaky super cool powers, but at least with us here, we can help him cope a bit better with handling it all and you’re really good with him. I think we need to go back inside and have a proper talk with the rest of the team and together we’ll all come up with a good game plan for the Kid. He’ll be ok Tasha, he has all of us fighting in his corner.’ Natasha nodded and together they both walked back inside – after they had cleaned the broken glass up. Tony walked into the kitchen and made himself a coffee, whilst Clint and Natasha made their way past him and into the living room. Natasha opened her mouth to ask Clint something, when all of a sudden Friday spoke up.

_‘Agent Romanoff, Dr Banner requires your assistance in the medbay, immediately, and yours alone.’ _Natasha stood up, however Tony waved her away. ‘I’ll go. I need to speak to him.’

_‘I am sorry boss, but Dr Banner only requires Agent Romanoff and your presence is not desired at this moment.’ _

‘Tell Bruce that Peter is my Kid, Friday!’

_‘Dr Banner says that Peter has asked specifically for Agent Romanoff and her alone.’ _Tony stilled and fell silent, before sitting down on a kitchen stool and staring into the distance. Natasha pursed her lips, not knowing what to say, but she made her way swiftly out of the kitchen and down to the medbay.

***

Not even a minute later, the door to the medbay opened and Natasha burst in and made her way to his bed in an instant.

‘Hey Kid, how are you feeling?’ Natasha perched on the edge of his bed, and started running her fingers through his curls, as he didn’t answer, but continued to cry into his pillow.

‘Not great then…it’s ok, shhh…you’re fine. Everything is fine. Nobody is mad, we’re just happy that you’re still with us.’

‘I…I’m so sorry! I…I just…didn’t know what to do!’ Peter burst into tears again as Natasha quietly shushed him and slid into the bed with him.

‘I know. Everything will be ok.’ She adjusted them both, so that Peter could curl up into her side and she could simply hold him, whilst he fell apart in her arms.

After a while, Peter had cried himself back to sleep and Natasha was still holding him, carding her fingers through his curly hair.

‘Bruce? He’s asleep right? Is he going to be ok?’ Bruce was standing by the bed, looking at them somewhat awkwardly, like he was intruding, but Natasha gave him a small smile and he returned it, before sitting down in the armchair near the bed.

‘Short term, no…long term, he will be, with the right help. He shouldn’t even be awake at the minute, I gave him a strong dose of a sedative, but I expect that his metabolism is trying to overpower the IV that I’ve given him. Also, due to his BMI – it is clear that he hasn’t been eating much, so his body is very overworked, until it gets used to nutrition again, which is why he’s fallen asleep again, on top of the fact that he was just in hysterics for almost half an hour. God Nat…I had no idea about him.’ Natasha nodded and looked over at Bruce, who was rubbing his hand down his face in a stressed gesture.

‘Go and rest Bruce. You’ve been with him for hours. Let the others know that he’s ok and he’s sleeping please. They’re all arguing about the next step…’ Natasha trailed off and looked down at the sleeping teenager on her lap.

Bruce sighed heavily. ‘What do they all think is best then?’ Natasha tilted her head, before responding. ‘Steve, Bucky and Sam wanted to get him into a proper routine regarding training, as they think that will help his mental health; Wanda has no idea and is very upset, Rhodey and Pepper are worried and think that councilling will help down the line, but not immediately, as he isn’t in the right state of mind to accept that help yet. Clint has a unique view on the matter, however he is not allowed to follow through with it – as Cap and Stark are against it.’ Bruce raised an eyebrow questioningly and Natasha rolled her eyes. ‘He wanted to publicly humiliate the Flash kid for bullying him, but the others want it done properly and legally. I thought Clint was onto something.’ She finished with a scowl and stroked a stray curl from Peter’s forehead, before sighing softly.

‘And Tony?’

‘-is demanding that the Kid, goes into a centre for immediate psychological help, however, a lot of us have been forced to see a physiologist and when you don’t want the help…it has the possibility to make things worse. He needs to be here, not shut away a hundred miles away in a psych centre. This needs to be the Kid’s decision to an extent…’ Natasha trailed off once again and Bruce nodded and hummed in agreement. ‘It might be different for Peter though.’ He said shrugging, as Natasha raised an eyebrow. ‘You and I both know that that probably isn’t the best _immediate _option. It’s definitely a long-term option, but the immediate next step needs to be very well thought out and have a positive ripple effect.’ Bruce nodded and glanced down at Peter, then up at Natasha. ‘How about you?’ Natasha frowned. ‘What about me?’

‘What do you think, should be the next immediate step?’

Natasha paused and furrowed her eyebrows. She thought that everyone had a good point, and she was trying to work out a way to incorporate everyone’s ideas, but she really had no idea what the next best step was.

‘What do you think?’ She countered, smirking. Bruce looked at the IV and then at Peter, in contemplation, before answering. ‘Stability. He needs a stable life. His Aunt died, less than 2 months ago, he has been bullied, probably every day from what you told us all, and he is taking control of his life through his eating and self-harm habits. I believe, from both a medical and a personal perspective, that his mental health could definitely get to a positive level, by spending time with the people he loves, and by having a routine. Showing that we are all here for him and not just palming him off on psychologists if he doesn’t want to. However, that should be his decision too.’ Natasha nodded and looked out of the window.

‘I agree. However, there can’t be stability, due to all of our conflicting schedules…’ She paused, focusing on the light snowfall that had started, looking out over the dark garden, before changing her tone to a more upbeat one; Bruce didn’t miss the ghost of sadness in her eyes, but he didn’t comment on it or ask any more questions.

‘Anyway. This can be discussed at a later date. You’ve been brilliant Bruce, but you look like you’re about to keel over. Get some sleep. I’ll get Friday to wake you, when Peter wakes up. Tell the others that I’m coming up now.’ Bruce looked at Natasha gratefully and nodded, before getting up to show her how to attach a new IV if the other one ran out; she smirked and waved him off.

‘I’ve probably changed more IV’s than you in my life.’ She said smirking, as Bruce smiled and nodded.

‘G’night Nat.’

‘See you.’ Bruce left the medbay, whilst Natasha readjusted Peter, so he was curled up on his side and she carefully pulled a blanket over him, then smiled sadly at his sleeping form, before walking out of the medbay, notifying Friday to let her know the minute that he woke up.

***

Entering the living room, Natasha sat down on a spare armchair, surprised to see that everybody was apparently waiting for her, as Steve started talking.

‘Right, now that we are all here…let’s start again. No arguing. We all adore the Kid and are devasted about this situation…however, despite us all having different views, the ultimate decision is up to you, Tony. Have you made a decision based on everyone’s ideas?’ Tony huffed and glared at Steve. ‘How am I supposed to make a decision about a 14 year old Kid, who according to Romanoff, has been struggling for weeks with a supposed eating disorder and self-harm and has chosen to talk to her about it and not me?! I’m not even his legal adoptive guardian yet, I’ll have you all remember – this was a temporary placement, until we could figure out what to do. I want to be his legal guardian of course I do, but I’m just not equipped to deal with taking care of a teenager, let alone one who has issues like this! I thought he was fine, just a bit stressed about school – not being beaten up everyday! I have no idea what I’m doing. If it was up to me, I’d put him in therapy, but even I know, that that probably isn’t the best immediate way forward and to be honest…I’m scared that I’ll make the wrong call Cap and fuck him up more than he is now, with whatever the end call is.’ Steve nodded in understanding and sighed.

‘Tony, none of us know what to do.’ Natasha then debated whether to speak up or not about her idea. Of course, she had an idea about what the step immediate step should be, however, it was very…different to the other’s ideas and she didn’t know if it was even possible.

‘He needs a stable…legal guardian. That would provide stability.’ She said simply, looking around at the group. There were nods of agreement, however there were more uncertain glances being passed around. Tony looked at her and then at everyone else. ‘That would definitely be a good idea, if it wasn’t for the fact that most of us are in constant meetings, or off on missions every other day.’ Tony paused and then took a deep breath, as if willing himself to speak truthfully. ‘Look, I’m going to level with all of you. I’m off with SI every two minutes and on missions because the world needs Ironman and as much as I love the Kid and would happily give up the suit for him…I can’t in good conscious do that, as then the world would be at risk and therefore that means Peter too; let alone the fact that I have no idea how to take care of a teenager. I was thinking of adopting him permanently and I thought I’d be ok with it, but…I barely see the Kid as it is, apart from in the lab and even I know that that isn’t a good way to raise him – as that’s how my dad raised me. I love Peter so much, but he needs a stable parental figure for his best chance in life, and I don’t think that I can be that for him. I have too much to do and it wouldn’t be fair for Peter to have to constantly deal with me missing school parents evenings and whatever, because I’m the other side of the world fighting aliens or in meetings with world companies. He needs emotional support that I’m not equipped to give him. Look…I thought we were all managing, kind of co-parenting together as a team, but this clearly isn’t working anymore, he needs stability…a legal guardian, like Nat said, and not his temporary guardian flying around the world or in meetings…so if anyone wants to take my place as his legal guardian, then go ahead, because I don’t know what to do.’ There was barely a moment of hesitation before somebody spoke up.

‘I’ll do it. I’ll be his legal guardian.’ Everyone immediately looked around at Natasha who shrugged nonchalantly.

‘We’ve grown closer a lot recently and I can provide the support that he needs. Also, I don’t mind telling Fury to shove any long missions. I’m not needed very much anyway, apart from doing paperwork and training the new SHIELD recruits, so I’ll do it. I’ll be Peter’s legal guardian.’


	23. New Beginnings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter wakes up and sees the team.

The first thing that Peter felt when he awoke, were gentle fingers carding through his hair. He smiled and sighed, allowing his eyes to flicker open. He looked to his right and saw a bleary figure of Natasha sitting on the bed, next to him, one hand combing through his hair and the other scrolling on her phone. She turned to look at him and gave him a playful, yet relieved look.

‘About time. You’ve been asleep for ages. We all had bets on when you’d wake up…looks like Steve owes me $10.’ Peter blinked and then he realised where he was and why he was there and he felt his stomach plummet; something must have shown on his face, because Natasha had sent a quick message and had put her phone down, giving him a sad smile.

‘Hey. None of that.’ Natasha reprimanded softly, tilting his face so he was looking at her.

‘But…I was going to…I…I almos…’

‘-But nothing. What happened, happened and now we move on and learn from it.’ Peter looked away from Natasha and blinked away tears…of anger at himself, the situation or of relief…he didn’t know; he just leant back into the pillows and rubbed a hand down his face.

‘How long have…have I been down here?’

‘2 days.’ Peter nodded, only slightly surprised – after all, he hadn’t been eating much recently and he sighed heavily, feeling an overwhelming surge of guilt about everything. ‘I’m sorry.’ Natasha nodded in understanding. ‘I know you are, but you don’t need to be. How are you feeling now?’ Furrowing his eyebrows, Peter tilted his head and tried to figure out how he was feeling.

_Kind of numb, relieved he was alive…sad he was alive, however that part was quite small now, angry at himself but mostly sad about the whole situation about…everything. _

‘Sad, but…I…I’m relieved I didn’t jump.’ To his surprise, Natasha smiled and stood up. He was expecting a large speech about suicide not being the answer, however, he knew by now that Natasha never really followed his expectations and she was always one step ahead of him and knew just what to do.

‘Well, that is something that we can work with.’ Unhooking the IV from the wall – that he didn’t even realise that he was wired to, Natasha placed it onto a portable stand and gestured for Peter to remove his blanket.

‘Come on. Sit up then.’ Slowly removing his blanket, Peter’s eyes fell onto his legs that were visible and he then looked at his arms that he hadn’t even noticed properly. He looked very thin, too thin. How could he have let this go so far? Clearly his Spider metabolism was working, as the cuts from a day…or a few days ago? how long had he been here?... had practically healed, leaving thin pale white scars behind that littered his exposed arms. His clothes were gone and he was dressed in a hospital gown that hung baggily off him. Easily, he had lost at least 30lbs in the past few weeks alone. His body felt just as broken as his heart. How could he have let this go on for so long? He was broken and at that moment, it felt like nobody could possibly put him back together again. His breath caught and Natasha was by his side in an instant.

‘Kid you gotta breathe. Peter, look at me. We are going to get through this, come hell or high water. You are not going to let this get the better of you, I won’t let you and neither will anybody else. Everybody has been down intermittently during the past few days. You aren’t in this alone Peter. Your family are here for you, we all want to help you.’ After a few moments, Peter nodded and managed to narrowly avoid a full blown anxiety attack. He took a shaky breath and willed himself not to just collapse back onto the bed.

‘Come on, I texted everyone that we’re coming up and they all can’t wait to see you.’ Natasha guided him to a proper sitting position and he shivered as his bare feet hit the cold tiled floor.

‘Here.’ Natasha slipped a pair of plain white slippers on his feet and helped him to stand up, putting an arm around his waist so he didn’t fall.

‘I’m going to take my arm away and you’re going to take a few steps on your own if you can, I need to see if you can walk properly.’ Peter stared at the floor and took a steading breath, before slowly moving one foot in front of the other. He looked up at Natasha for approval and she nodded, giving him a reassuring smile. They both walked slowly to the medbay door, before Peter stopped suddenly and bit his lip anxiously. Natasha raised an eyebrow and turned to look at him.

‘Auntie Nat?’

‘Hmm?’

‘What’s going to happen now? Am…am I going to be taken away?’ Natasha didn’t need to ask what Peter was subtly referring to and she immediately shook her head. ‘No. Don’t worry, there aren’t any men waiting to shove you into a straight jacket. All of us have an idea about what we think the next steps should be. We can chat more upstairs, ok?’ Peter nodded, somewhat relieved that there wasn’t going to be men with white jackets ready to lock him up in a psych ward.

‘Good. Follow me and bring this with you – your body is still recovering and at the minute, that IV is the only thing keeping you conscious.’ Peter didn’t ask any questions, feeling like he was both present in his body, but not, at the same time. He nodded and followed Natasha, dreading the conversation with the rest of the team and finding out what they all thought should happen next.

***

There was a lot of gentle hugging, reassurances and watchful eyes, as Peter entered the living room with Natasha and he had essentially been jumped on by the entire team (apart from Thor who was off world). After a few minutes, Tony gestured for everyone to sit, so they did and Peter felt himself growing anxious again about what was going to happen.

_This was it. This was the moment that he was going to be thrown into the system. Everyone had had enough of him. Of course, everyone was fed up of all his shit, he would be too. How could he have been so stupid. Obviously, the Avengers have better things to do than deal with a suicidal excuse of a teenager. A teenager who now had nowhere to go…he had fucked everything up as usual…he was going to be put into the system…he was nothing but a burden…a worthless, pathetic…_

‘-Kid? You need to breathe before you pass out.’ Peter inhaled suddenly and started coughing harshly, not realising that he had been holding his breath. Natasha was knelt in front of him, along with Bruce – who had a full medical kit next to him and was rummaging through it quickly and Steve, who was looking at him worriedly.

‘You ok squirt? Looked like you were having a bit of a disassociation there.’ Bruce said, his eyebrows furrowed, as he tilted Peter’s head back towards him slightly, to look into his pupils with a small light. Peter nodded and blinked as the light penetrated through his extra senses which were more active than they had been in a while; Peter supposed that it was the IV that was forcing his spider powers to reboost quick.

‘Ok, so we will keep this nice and quick.’ Steve said, standing up, with the others and sitting down near Peter. Tony nodded and stood up and made his way toward Peter, who tried his best not to cry at the fact that he was about to be thrown into the care system.

‘Bud. When you sent that message…I was heartbroken. I was and am, so sorry that I didn’t see this happening to you. I’m not big on emotional stuff and I know now that you’ve been struggling a lot more than you’ve been letting on, about May and school and Flash. I need you to know, that I care about you a lot and I do love you as a son, I think I speak for the whole group when I say that. However…you need a stable guardian, not one who is constantly busy like moi. So, we all came up with a plan and we want to hear what you think about going to live…’

‘I’m sorry! I…I didn’t mean to! I won’t…do it again!’ Tony gave Peter a sad smile and nodded, before gently placing a hand on his knee.

‘Bud, I know…we all do – but we all think that this is for the best and everybody has agreed to it. So… we were hoping that you would agree to let…’ Peter couldn’t take anymore, he burst into tears and hid his face in his hands, sobbing uncontrollably. He had officially lost everything. Tony immediately looked concerned and looked to the others for help, at Peter’s sudden change in mood.

‘…I…I’m s…sor…sorry! D…di…didn’t…mean …to!’ He felt the seat next to him dip, and a pair of hands pulled him to the side slightly. Still crying into his hands, he let the person’s hands guide him so he ended up leaning into somebody’s chest. Natasha’s. He sniffled and smelt her familiar perfume that was so similar to May’s and he cried even harder. Natasha simply sat next to him, held him and everybody was watching the scene with a mix of sympathetic looks and completely shocked expressions at seeing the Black Widow able to comfort a child.

Tony awkwardly shuffled and swore under his breath. ‘Kid…Peter – I was going to say that we all think, well rather, it wasn’t our idea, but it’s a good idea anyway. We are fully on board with it, but we need your consent too with it an…’ Tony broke off as Peter continued to cry louder, despite Natasha murmuring to him in both Russian and English.

‘How about we give them both some room and Nat can explain to him what’s going on?’ Steve said loudly from the couch, to be heard over Peter’s cries, as others nodded in agreement, already making their way away from the living room, to give them privacy. After a few minutes, Peter had calmed down somewhat and Natasha gently tilted his face, so he was looking at her.

‘What got you so upset, hmm?’

‘D…don’t wanna…go…please d…don’t make…make me!’ He buried his face back into her chest, his breath hitching, as Natasha frowned and rubbed his back softly.

‘Kid, you’re going to have to explain to me what’s going on, because I haven’t got a clue. Why would we make you go anywhere?’ Peter mumbled something inaudible and shook his head, but Natasha caught a few words and she realised what he thought was going to happen.

‘Peter? Look at me.’ Tilting his head slightly, so he could look into her familiar green eyes, Peter sniffled and his breath hitched again.

‘You are not going anywhere, if you don’t want to…’ Peter’s red eyes furrowed in confusion, as Natasha smirked slightly. ‘-What Tony and the others were trying to tell you…is that our idea, is…well…we all felt like you needed a stable guardian – which is difficult with all our schedules, however… I am pretty much the only one who is able to take time off from work and with everything these past few months, I thought I could help you, but if you don’t want to, then there are other options. We definitely are not going to chuck you out onto the streets though, no matter what you decide.’ Peter looked at Natasha in shock, as he tried to process what she was saying. He blinked at her. ‘You…you want to adopt me…for real?’

Natasha dropped her usual stoic expression, and smiled gently, feeling a lump form in her throat as she nodded immediately. ‘I do, but there’s no pressure an…’ Peter had launched himself at her and was hugging her tightly, as tears poured down his cheeks, but this time, they were happy tears.

‘Yes! Ye…yes! A million yeses!’ Natasha chuckled and placed a kiss on the top of his head. ‘Good, because all the paperwork is signed, we just need your signature.’ With that, Natasha pulled a form out of her jeans pocket and a pen from the coffee table, before handing them to Peter, who instantly scribbled his name on the document, his eyes shining brightly. He gave the document back to Natasha, who put it back in her jeans pocket and then looked at him, with a fondness that Peter had never really seen before. She carded her fingers through his hair and he leant into the touch. She smiled and thought that maybe things could start looking up now. Peter grinned and hugged Natasha tighter, who instantly tightened her hold too.

_He was finally going to be happy. He wasn’t going to be thrown into the system or abandoned. He had a family. _


	24. I'm Sorry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter is having a hard time getting his urges under control.

It had been a few days since Natasha had told Peter that she was adopting him and things were starting to improve slightly. That afternoon, Bruce had removed the IV and the feeding tube that had had to be put in to regulate Peter’s eating habits whilst he stomach got used to food again, and he had told Peter that he was able to eat and drink by himself again – with the promise that he would keep it down. Natasha had also prohibited trips to the toilet after mealtimes or any food, under careful – survelliance from Friday – thanks to Tony. However, it was dinner time and Peter couldn’t think straight. Steve had cooked spagbol as a special celebratory meal for the adoption – the first meal that Peter had eaten in weeks and every mouthful that he took, felt like little weights that settled in his stomach. After a while, the team had stopped monitoring each mouthful that he took and had started to talk quietly amongst themselves about upcoming missions and things.

When everybody had finished and had a trifle for dessert, Peter’s heart was pounding in his chest and all he could think of was **_get it out. Get the food out. _**His stomach was rolling and squeezing in an effort to expel the contents from the dinner he had just eaten and he felt himself feeling sicker by the second. He couldn’t go to the bathroom, as Natasha had told him that she and Tony had placed restrictions on it, so he couldn’t use it for 20 minutes after eating, in an effort to help him, but he knew that he had to get rid of his dinner. He couldn’t do this. He had to throw up, it was the only way to make him feel better and he couldn’t let anybody find out.

_Caloriesfatcaloriescaloriesweightfatstupiduseless_

Thinking quickly, his fingers drumming on the table lightly, as the others talked, he had a sudden idea and stood up.

‘What are you doing Kid?’ Tony raised an eyebrow at Peter, who was fastening the bag of garbage by the bin quickly.

‘I…I’ll just take out the trash and then go do some homework. Don’t want to fall behind...’ He said, already grabbing the bag of leftovers, one foot out of the door.

‘It’s fine, it’s my turn to do it tonight. You’ve had a big few days, just go and chill, I’m sure your homework can wait.’ Clint said kindly, standing up to take the bag from Peter, who shook his head and forced a smile. ‘I don’t mind – I’m feeling a lot better now! I’ll only be a minute.’ He prayed that Clint wouldn’t take the bag from him, and luckily he didn’t. Sitting back down, Clint smiled at him and nodded. The others looked impressed at his change in behaviour from what he had been like the past few days and an unwelcome guilt fell into the pit of his stomach.

‘Ah cheers squirt.’ Peter nodded and then swiftly made his way outside and around the side of the Compound, past all the windows and into the garden – in the dark corner where all the bins were.

Acting quickly, should anyone come looking, Peter undid the bag full of food from dinner and other left overs, leant over it – forcing two fingers down his throat and he allowed his stomach to expel itself into the bag. Again and again he retched, hot acidic vomit coming up as the smell and constant vomiting made his eyes water. His stomach was literally in knots, painful and throbbing, as his muscles protested against being made to bring all the food back up. He found comfort in the sudden pain and the emptiness he felt in his stomach and chest. Sniffling and wiping his mouth on the back of his hand, he refastened the trash bag and threw it into the bin; staring out into the garden. In his daze, he didn’t hear the back door open and close, or the light footsteps approach him cautiously.

‘Smart plan, but not smart enough for me.’ Whipping around in surprise, Peter saw Natasha walking up to him, her eye raised.

‘A…Auntie N…Nat! I…I was just...’

‘-taking the trash out, right?’ Peter nodded, wide eyed, as she hummed and pursed her lips.

‘Then why did it take so long?’ Peter bit his lip and shrugged.

‘I’m just…just tired. Took…took my time.’ He said nonchalantly, eyeing the light from the back door – hoping that she would believe him. Of course, once Peter hadn’t returned in a few minutes, Natasha knew something was up, as the bins were less than 30 seconds from the back door; she came to the conclusion that he was throwing up elsewhere than the toilet and if his glassy eyes and heavy breathing were anything to go by, he had thrown up into the bin.

‘Don’t lie to me, Kid. This is serious and we all just want to help.’ Noticing that Peter’s breathing had increased somewhat again. Natasha sighed as he stayed silent, she walked past him, opened up the bin and pulled out the bag of trash.

‘What are you doing?!’ Peter all but squeaked, looking at the assassin in horror and with desperation in his eyes.

‘I don’t want to go through the bag, but I will. Your move.’ She said simply, her face stoic as Peter’s eyes filled with tears. He inwardly swore at himself. How could he have been so stupid – he thought his plan would have worked, but of course, once again he forgot that he was living with a spy, who had hacked into a governmental database in the middle of an Apple Store once. There was literally nothing that he could get past Natasha Romanoff and in that moment Peter felt a surge of guilt for lying to her.

‘N…no!’

‘No what?’ Natasha replied easily, as Peter gestured to the trash.

‘No…d…don’t op…open i…it. I…I’m sorry.’

‘Why shouldn’t I open it, Peter?’ Natasha knew what had happened by this point, however, she wanted Peter to tell her, as that way, they wouldn’t be awkwardly skating around that he had lied to her and also, she wanted him to say it out loud, to hopefully make him realise just what he had done.

‘I…I couldn’t h…help it! I…I threw u…up…I’m…I’m sorry! P…please don’t h…hate me!’ Natasha threw the bag back into the bin and then turned to face Peter with a disappointed but understanding look on her face.

‘I don’t hate you, Kid. I get that these past few days have been really hard for you, but you mustn’t lie to me – I’m trying to help you here.’ Immediately, Peter ran over and hugged her tightly around the waist. Peter cried quietly for a few moments, whilst Natasha rubbed comforting circles into his back, until he sniffled miserably and looked up at her. ‘I…I’m sorry!’

‘Shhh…I know, come on. Back inside, it’s freezing.’ Putting her hand on his shoulder and steering him towards the house, Natasha’s brain was whirring, as she tried to figure out what to do next.

‘Peter, you still need to eat something and keep it down, otherwise I’m going to have to get Bruce to put the feeding tube back in.’ Peter turned around in horror and he looked like he was going to cry again.

‘No! Please no!...I’ll eat! I won’t do i…it again!’ Instantly, Natasha put a comforting hand on his shoulder and he leant into her touch, trying to regain his normal breathing.

‘Hey, hey! It’s ok. I have an idea on how we can avoid that.’ Natasha knew that Peter hated the feeding tube, as it literally poured a high calorific content into his stomach – as it had been doing for a few days. He didn’t look skeletal anymore, but he was still underweight, and many times he had tried to rip out the tube, which was why he had been under constant 24 hour surveillance and was so happy that it was taken out earlier that day; however, she needed him to realise the severity of the situation,

‘-This is the plan - we’re going to walk inside, you’re going to go up to our floor and wait for me in the kitchen. Just us, ok? We’re going to have a chat and sort some stuff out. Everything is going to be fine, I promise, you’re not in trouble.’ Peter nodded and wiped an arm across his face, as Natasha gave him a kind smile and opened the back door.


	25. Hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natasha lays down some ground rules for Peter and finally sees a different to Peter

Peter walked slowly to Natasha’s floor and into his new bedroom. Ever since she had told him that she was adopting him, a few days prior, he had been given access to her floor at all times, apart from a few rooms that were seemingly always locked. 

All Peter wanted to do was sleep, but he was barely sleeping again. He had been given a new bedroom on Natasha’s floor, which was quite plain: apart from a bed, chest of drawers, a desk, a wardrobe and a bedside table; however, even his old bedroom on his own smaller floor didn’t compare with his bedroom at May’s house. His old bedroom was very small and cosy, with a twin sized bed and poster clad walls; here, it was a king-sized bed, that always seemed too big and plain cream walls, that resembled that of a hospital.

Peter obviously didn’t ask any of the adults to take him shopping, as he had no money and didn’t want to be a further burden to anyone, but it was little things like this, that made him miss his old home and May. It was just another reminder that he didn’t belong here. Sure, he had brought some of his things with him, but he had quickly found out that he actually barely owned any personal possessions and the rooms in the Compound were quite large, so his other room had never felt like it belonged to him and this new bedroom was no different. He debated ignoring Natasha’s request and just going to sleep, but he supposed that she just wanted to help him, so he tried to suppress the tiredness that had started to cling to him and he walked away from his new room into the kitchen.

Peter anxiously looked around and sat down, his foot tapping repeatedly against the leg of the wooden chair, when all of a sudden the ding of the elevator alerted Peter to Natasha’s arrival.

‘Hey Kid.’ Peter glanced over at the kitchen door and gave her a small smile, as she walked into the kitchen and made herself a drink. 

‘Want anything to drink?’ Immediately thinking of calories and shaking his head, Peter then stopped when he saw that Natasha was looking at him pointedly. ‘Let me rephrase that, what do you want to drink? No water, as we’re trying to get your weight back on track – so you can either have Orange juice, Apple juice, tea, hot chocolate or milk.’ All of those options, sounded terrible and Peter was frantically trying to calorie count in his head, however, Natasha seemingly realised what he was doing and she intervened. 

‘Right, I know you like Apple juice, so you can have a glass of that.’ She then poured some into a glass and put it in front of Peter, who paled. 

_ Apples are fruit, but this is pure apple juice, and fruit has sugar and sugar is bad, very bad, if he had sugar he would put on weight and that isn’t good; but not all sugar is bad…but sugar itself is bad… _

‘-Kid?’ Peter whipped his head around to face Natasha, who was watching him with an interested but concerned expression on her face. 

‘Sorry…zoned out…what were you saying?’ Sitting down, Natasha clasped her hands in front of her and looked at Peter intently, before adopting a gentler tone. 

‘Peter. I know that these past two months have been…challenging to say the least. You aren’t in a good place mentally or even physically at the minute and I am not a professional, but I’m going to try and help you, because I think that forcing professional help on you right now, might be a detrimental mistake; the others have agreed with me and are fully aware of the situation as we are all going to try and help you. However, in light of this, I need you to be able to confide in me – as I am now your legal guardian and by keeping secrets and lying…well that isn’t going to help either of us.’ Nodding, Peter stared at his lap and he heard Natasha sigh softly under her breath. 

‘Ok. So, we need to go over some…house rules and expectations that I have of you, whilst you live here. I know that this might seem weird, as neither of us are used to this yet, but I need you to be aware of rules and also of consequences, should you break those rules, is that fair?’ Peter nodded again and looked up at Natasha, who then went onto explain her expectations.

‘You’re 14, which means that you don’t really have a grasp on your emotions yet.’ Looking at her in both embarrassment and surprise at the blatant way Natasha said this, Peter opened his mouth to object, however, she raised her hand for him to stay silent and she continued. ‘You’re a teenager Peter, all teenagers get emotional, whether that be sadness, anger, happiness or anything else. I want you to know, that no matter what you’re feeling, that you can come and find me, or ring me and I will do my best to help you. I ask you not to bottle it all up, because that doesn’t do you any good and believe me, it will always find its way out in the end and explode.’ Pouting slightly, Peter once again nodded. 

‘Bedtime, will be at 10.30pm on school nights and 11pm on weekends – although that can be discussed if needed.’ Peter frowned, he didn’t remember having a bedtime recently…it was one of the many things that hadn’t happened since he came to the Compound; however part of him was slightly relieved at being made to have a normal schedule again. 

‘You are to tidy up after yourself and I expect you to keep your bedroom tidy. Swearing, shouting and any other volatile behaviour will not be accepted and you will be punished accordingly.’ Peter grimaced and then asked quietly, ‘what…p…punishments?’ Since coming to the Compound, as well as not really having a normal schedule, nobody seemed bothered about punishments or rules, so this was quite a change for Peter and he had visions of Natasha tying him up in a secret dungeon somewhere.

‘Probably not what you’re thinking.’ She mused, chuckling slightly. ‘If it’s something minor, like behavioural or attitude, then you’ll be grounded and will have certain restrictions put in place – like no phone for a week and so on. If it is anything more serious, then you will have a much earlier bedtime, more chores and things like that. In addition to this, you are starting training again with me and Clint in the next few weeks, and patrol is banned until further notice – due to your recent…situation. Does that sound fair?’ Peter thought about all of this for a minute and then he nodded. 

‘Right. Meal times are the next point of call…’ Peter felt his stomach drop and he immediately started to panic. Natasha saw him begin to tremble slightly and she hurriedly pressed on.

‘As previously discussed as a group, we will all be monitoring your food intake, until we deem it suitable. However, after the events of this evening…’ Peter felt tears prickle his eyes. ‘-we have all decided that you will not be eating with the rest of the team for the next week or so, as it clearly proved too much tonight. I will be preparing all your meals and drinks and if you should…resist this, then I will have no other option than to get Bruce to put a feeding tube in. You will also not be allowed to use the bathroom without being under surveillance from Friday. I know this is harsh, but we’re all worried Peter and we just want to help you.’ Natasha felt her heart clench as Peter tried to subtly wipe a sleeve across his face, when he thought that she wasn’t looking. 

‘Pete?’ He looked up at Natasha with a questioning expression. ‘You haven’t said anything. Is all this ok? I know it’s a lot to take in.’ 

‘Y…yeah. I mean…it is a lot to…um…to take in…I guess. It’s all…fine.’ He shrugged and took a sip of his apple juice, as Natasha hummed in response. 

‘Good, alright. Is there anything that you want to ask me about with regards to all of this, or in general?’ 

‘Um…what about school?’

‘Well, after the whole Flash debacle, we’ve informed your Principal that you’ll be having a few weeks off, just to get back on your feet, and also Flash has been suspended indefinitely... aswell as having an unfortunate allergic reaction to a skin cream that may or may not have been replaced by myself and Clint with a special concoction.' Peter laughed and thanked her, as she continued speaking. '-Of course, you’re more than welcome to having your friends over, but I will ask that that isn’t for the next week or so.’ Peter nodded and seemed happy with the response, then he awkwardly played with a thread on his sleeve, as Natasha stared at him intently.

‘Kid, I just want to help you. Can we talk about what happened just now, when I found you outside?’ 

‘I just…I needed to… to get it out.’ Natasha didn’t reply but she smiled at him encouragingly to continue. ‘I…the feel of the food an…and I felt it…in my stomach…and I didn’t w…want to put weight o…on and I had no control an…’

‘-hey, Kid it’s alright, just take a minute and calm yourself down, ok?’ Peter took a few steadying breaths and when he felt like he could talk at a reasonable pace again, he continued.

‘I just…I’m weak. I’m sorry.’ Natasha immediately frowned and shook her head, before standing up and walking over to Peter, kneeling down next to him and putting a hand on his knee in a comforting manner. 

‘You, Peter Parker, are not weak. Not in the slightest. You’re just in a bad place at the minute and we’re all here for you. It was a slight relapse and that is to be expected, as relapse is a part of recovery. We just need to make sure that this is not a regular recurrence.’ Peter couldn’t help a few tears slip down his face and he gave a wet laugh as Natasha ruffled his hair, as she stood up. 

‘Due to not keeping down dinner…you still need to eat something before bed.’ Natasha then busied herself rummaging through the cupboards in the kitchen, as Peter sniffled miserably at the thought of having to eat again. 

‘What do you fancy?’ 

‘Nothing.’ 

‘I know that, but you need to have something, because that apple juice isn’t enough.’ Peter quickly calculated the approximate calorie intake of the usual meals that the team usually had. 

The Avengers never usually ate foods that were bland, as they all had different tastes, so the usual mealtimes consisted of a very large buffet of foods from all around the world – curtesy of Tony; so Peter was pleasantly surprised when Natasha quickly made him a small plate of chicken and a small range of vegetables.

‘Hardly any calories. I know what you’re thinking. I sometimes prefer food that you can just whack into an oven, rather than stuff that’s imported from the depths of Peru or wherever Tony gets it all from.’ Peter found himself smiling and he thanked Natasha, before starting to group his vegetables into colour groups and cut the chicken very small on his plate. Natasha started to wash up and tidy, making light conversation with Peter, as she didn’t want him to feel like he was being watched throughout his meal, however she was keeping a subtle eye on him of course. 

After the entire kitchen had been cleaned, Peter had managed to eat half of the meal and of his drink; Natasha inwardly sighed, but she supposed that it was better than nothing. She had to start him off with small amounts and go from there. 

‘Good?’ Peter nodded and then he had an idea about how to get rid of the food in a sly way to trick Friday.

‘Yeah, it was nice thanks…can I get a shower and go to bed early? I’m pretty tired.’ Natasha raised an eyebrow and shook her head. ‘Do you really think that I didn’t think of that? You can’t trick Friday by having a shower.’ Peter inwardly kicked himself. Of course, Natasha would have thought of that. Natasha then tidied away his plate and glass and then gestured across the hall, to her living room. 

‘You can watch some TV or read for a bit if you want. Feel free to go to your room, but you will not be allowed to use the bathroom until the time is up.’ 

‘But…what if I really need to use the toilet?! You can’t stop me.’ Natasha smirked and looked at Peter with an expression that said ‘do you really think I’m that stupid?’

‘If you need to use the toilet for anything other than throwing up, then of course you will be allowed to do so. However, I should warn you, that Friday will still be listening and will report back to me if you are sick.’ Peter nodded defeatedly and excused himself into the living room. There wasn’t much for him to do in his bedroom apart from read comics and he didn’t feel like it much, so he turned the TV on and put on an episode of Friends, whilst Natasha sat across from him and started to text on her phone. 

Peter then realised that he hadn’t checked his own phone since the incident and he tentatively asked Natasha where it was.

‘It’s in my study, hang on.’ She left quickly and a few seconds later, she reappeared and handed Peter his phone. He was pleasantly surprised to see that she had had it fully charged for him and he grinned at her.

‘Thanks Auntie Nat.’ 

‘No worries Kid. I figured that you’d want it back sooner or later.’ Peter then proceeded to turn it on and was shocked to see over 60 messages from MJ and Ned. Feeling guilty and upset all of a sudden at the fact that he had essentially been off grid for the better part of a week and was barely speaking to his best friends, he quickly sent them both an apology message and just said that he was busy sorting through some personal issues and he would ring them as soon as he could, when he was feeling better. 

Curling up on the couch, forcing himself not to think about making himself throw up all his dinner, Peter flicked through the TV channels and hovered over the Disney Channel – smiling slightly when he saw that Phineas and Ferb was on, before he glanced at Natasha who was watching him and she looked mildly amused. 

‘Am…am I allowed to watch this?’ He asked hesitantly, feeling out of place, as he didn’t know if he would be allowed to watch his favourite TV shows anymore; as this was Natasha’s personal floor and she probably wouldn’t want to watch a kids show. 

‘Kid. You live here now, you can watch whatever you want on TV, pretty much whenever you want. Believe me, I didn’t buy the Disney Channel and Cartoon Network for my own personal viewing pleasure. As long as it isn’t about some cheesy teenage love story where everyone bursts into song every two minutes.’ She amended, turning a page in her book, as Peter grinned and shook his head.

‘No…well not usually. It’s about two boys who make really cool science stuff in their backyard and hide it from their sister! Basically, it’s amazing and I really want to try and make some of their stuff, like the episode where…’ Natasha put down her book and looked at Peter, who had started to explain the summary of Phineas and Ferb to her. She smiled as he described his own blueprints for some of the replica science projects from the show. After a few minutes, they were in a full blown conversation about Peter’s love for science and where he wanted to study at for College; the TV show playing on in the background forgotten. 

Natasha couldn’t help smiling, as she listened to Peter talk about how MIT had the best acceptance rate and that it would open up so many doors for him in the future. She asked the odd question here and there, like ‘what do you want to be when you’re older’ – which resulted in a ‘don’t know yet, but definitely something to do with science’ and ‘if you could build anything, what would it be?’ which Peter happily contemplated and finally answered with: ‘a very large rollercoaster like in Phineas and Ferb,’ which made Natasha laugh.

As she listened to Peter, for the first time in a long time, she saw in his eyes something flicker that had been missing. 

Hope for the future. Hope that maybe everything would turn out alright after all. 


	26. Shopping

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natasha takes Peter shopping <3

It was a few days after the incident in the garden and Peter wasn’t much better. He was continually haunted by the thought of eating and of food in general. Natasha was making him eat properly and eat enough to help his Spidey-powers work and Peter was trying his hardest to stay calm and stick to this new routine.

It was a Monday morning and Peter was sitting in the living room, looking out of the window, sipping a coffee. He was now allowed to eat and drink whenever he felt like it, aswell as eating whatever Natasha made for him; but Natasha had insisted on Friday recording all of his food and drink in a file labelled Peter’s Food Diary – to monitor his food progress.

‘Morning Kid.’ Peter smiled as Natasha walked into the living room, carrying a large pile of paperwork. She looked stressed, but smiled back all the same, putting the paperwork onto the coffee table.

‘Good morning. Are you ok?’ Raising an eyebrow, Natasha asked smoothly. ‘Why wouldn’t I be ok?’ Peter gestured to the large pile of paperwork and shrugged.

‘Oh, well you just looked a bit stressed. Do you have to do this all today? Can I help?’ Smiling fondly, Natasha walked past him and ruffled his hair, before going into the kitchen and making breakfast.

‘Yep.’ She said popping the ‘p’. ‘-and no you can’t help I’m afraid. The paperwork is just part of working for Nick Fury. I get to do all the fun paperwork now that I’m not going on field missions as much. It shouldn’t take too long.’ Peter bit his lip and felt guilty, she was stressed because of him, because she had to stay here and look after him instead of going on field missions.

‘Hey, none of that Curly.’ Peter looked over at Natasha who was standing in the adjoining kitchen in the middle of making what looked and smelt like pancakes, and she was looking at him pointedly.

‘It was my decision to do this and I was fully aware of the implications both personally and in my work. This is not on you. Now, do you want to pick what you want on your pancakes?’ Peter sighed, as the familiar thoughts started to buzz around in his head about calories and weight, sugar and fat…

‘Maybe, maybe some blueberries, please?’ Natasha immediately nodded and then proceeded to take out some blueberries from the fridge, before looking at him again.

‘Anything else you fancy? Fruits are good in moderation.’ She said nonchalantly, as if reading his mind about his anxieties and Peter found himself really craving some strawberries too.

‘Strawberries, please?’

‘Sure. Good job Kid.’ Despite himself, Peter smiled at the fact that he had successfully told Natasha what he wanted on his pancakes. She had been picking all his meals for him since he moved in with her, not giving him a say at all, as she knew it was too much pressure at the minute; so this was a big deal for the both of them and Natasha felt proud of him.

When breakfast was made and the two of them were sat at the kitchen table eating, Natasha decided to broach a topic that she had been meaning to ask Peter about.

‘So Kid, I was thinking that seeing as you’re making a lot of progress now and you seem happier in yourself?’ She trailed off and looked at Peter expectantly for a reply, who nodded and gave her a small smile. ‘-that you might want to come out shopping with me today?’ Instantly Peter felt his stomach drop at the thought of going food shopping, surrounded by all those foods and the people an…

‘Not food shopping.’ Natasha hastily amended, seeing the horrified look on the teenagers face and Peter found himself frowning.

‘Not food shopping?’ He echoed, taking a bite of his pancakes as Natasha smirked.

‘Well, you don’t have too many clothes here – I know Tony bought you the basics, but every Kid needs some spares, so I figured we could go out and get you a few spare outfits.’ She replied, sipping her coffee, as Peter blushed.

‘That’s…that’s ok, please don’t’…don’t spend your money on…on me.’ He said quietly, feeling like a burden again. Natasha huffed and looked at him pointedly.

‘Peter, you need clothes and I’m your legal guardian, so it is my responsibility to buy you, said clothes. I don’t mind at all, in fact I want to. Anyway…if you don’t come, then I guess I’ll just have pick out all the cute Dinosaur styl…’

‘No! No I’ll come! Please don’t buy me Dinosaur things! The pajamas that I have, are a one off.’ He mumbled, blushing as Natasha gestured to his pajamas, smiling triumphantly. She knew that Peter was worried about his weight and the fact that he would have to try clothes on, however, Natasha also knew that he was almost back at a healthy weight and he did need some spare clothes, because when he came to the Compound, he didn’t really have very many spares.

‘It’ll be fine.’ She soothed, as Peter nodded, willing himself not to panic, as he finished his breakfast.

‘Good job kiddo. Go get dressed and get ready, we leave in half an hour.’ Peter gave her a salute and she chuckled, tidying away the breakfast things.

***

‘You ready?’ Natasha asked, knocking on Peter’s bedroom door.

‘Yeah.’ Came the quiet reply from inside. Natasha noticed the sad tone of his voice, so she opened the door and came face to face with Peter, who was sitting on his bed, looking out of the window.

‘What’s with the frown, Charlie Brown?’ Peter shrugged, playing with a strand of thread idly on his sleeve, seemingly lost in his thoughts. Natasha quietly sat down on the bed next to him and they sat in a comfortable silence for a few moments, until Peter spoke.

‘Auntie Nat?’

‘Hmm?’

‘This…this will be the first…the first time that I’ve ever gone clothes shopping…without May.’ The penny dropped and Natasha realised that Peter was currently feeling a mixture of emotions: anger, sadness and probably even fear; so she did what she does best and listened to him.

‘It’s just…’ he continued, sighing and turning to face the assassin who smiled at him encouragingly to continue. ‘-just that, I miss her a lot and I know that…that I’ll have to do stuff without her now…but…it’s like I don’t know what to do or even how to act, if it’s not with her…does that make any sense?’ Immediately thinking back to Parent’s Night and how hard that was for the both of them, but of course, especially Peter, Natasha nodded and put a comforting hand on his shoulder.

‘It makes perfect sense. You miss your Aunt and the times that you shared, and the things you guys did together. However, you can’t hide away from things that you did with your Aunt, like going shopping and going to school functions – it’s not what she would have wanted. It’s our job, to make new memories and do normal things like you guys used to do, but you can always remember the times that you shared with her, that never goes away.’ Peter nodded and he sighed heavily, before running a hand through his curls.

‘Ok…I’m ready now.’ Natasha ruffled his hair, then stood up and he groaned and hastily tried to smooth it back down so it wasn’t stuck up everywhere. Peter made to follow her, however, Natasha was busy looking around his bedroom, with an eyebrow raised and a calculating expression on her face – that she reserved for when she was thinking very intently about something. She turned to face Peter and looked at him with a somewhat surprised but also questioning expression on her face.

‘How come you haven’t put any posters up or anything? Your room looks so…empty. Didn’t Tony buy you loads of stuff to decorate with, when you moved in?’ Peter sheepishly shook his head and missed the flash of annoyance that crossed Natasha’s face. ‘No, he…we were busy with May’s funeral and…he got preoccupied with Ironman stuff… I don’t have any money so…I don’t mind though, it’s fine…it’s more than fine.’ He quickly amended, looking at the floor.

‘What exactly, is yours, in this bedroom? Or in general?’ Peter scrunched his face up and looked up at Natasha confused.

‘Um…you said this is my bedroom, so everything in here I guess?’

‘Yes, but I mean, apart from the furniture already in here, what is yours, like your own personal belongings? Didn’t you bring anything with you from your old house, or even from the room you had before up moved up to my floor?’ Peter bit his lip and pointed to a small duffle bag at the end of the bed. Natasha picked it up and took out a few comic books, a small photoalbum – faded with age, three posters of sciencey things - folded up with bits of bluetac stuck to them, a few very small lego sets, some school books and a single rubix cube.

_‘Oh Kid. _How come you didn’t say anything to anyone? Your bedroom is your own personal space, but it looks more like a cell, without the bars of course. I just assumed that you brought loads of posters and stuff when you moved in on Wednesday?’ Peter shook his head and bit his lip again, feeling like a giant inconvenience to Natasha, who sighed.

‘Why didn’t you put those science posters up?’ Peter found himself shrugging, not really meeting Natasha’s eyes. Natasha inwardly kicked herself. With everything going on and Peter being here for less than a week, things were very hectic, but she felt like a horrible guardian for not checking in that he was happy with his new bedroom; the priorities had been to make sure that Peter was getting better. Natasha had never really dealt with children and their needs, and she just assumed that Tony had sorted everything out for him with regards to his bedroom.

‘I just…you guys had already done so much for me and…I didn’t want to bother anyone, with something so stupid as…as buying a few things for my bedroom that I don’t really need. These rooms…are so big and my old bedroom back in…back in Queens was a lot smaller, so I didn’t really need much to make it feel like my room…but here, it just feels empty.’ Natasha nodded in understanding and gave him a kind smile.

‘You Peter Parker are the most selfless person that I know and that includes Steve Rogers himself. It is not stupid to want things for yourself and you deserve the world and more. Come on, I’ve got an idea.’

***

An hour later, Peter and Natasha were walking around a bedroom store, picking out bits and pieces for Peter’s new bedroom. Despite his protests, Natasha had put some money on a gift card and had instructed Peter to buy whatever he wanted and if it cost anymore, then she would make the money up for him, happily.

Whilst browsing the shelves, Natasha had left Peter in the bed linen section and she was currently comparing shades of blue and red in the paint section, with an idea to paint his bedroom. After a while, she went to find Peter, who was standing mesmerised, watching a large lava lamp. On further analysis, Natasha saw that the lava was changing periodically into different colours and changed its patterns as it floated around. It was quite calming to watch, she thought.

‘Hey Kid. Have you found some stuff?’ Peter turned to look at her and he nodded sheepishly,.

‘Um…yeah I found a duvet cover set thing and a lampshade, but nothing else really that I like.’ Natasha nodded and gestured ahead of herself, for Peter to lead and show her what he had found. He nodded, before looking longing behind himself at the lava lamp which he had just been browsing. Natasha huffed and walked back to pick one up, before depositing it in the trolley.

‘Oh…you really don’t hav…’

‘-I know that I don’t have to, but I want to.’ She looked at him pointedly and he nodded, but couldn’t help a grin.

‘Thanks Auntie Nat.’ He said and she smiled back. He then led them both to the duvet isle and pointed to a Star-Wars duvet cover, with matching curtains and a pillow case, which Natasha put into the trolley. Next, he walked down a few more isles and then pointed to a death-star style lampshade, which Natasha smirked at, before adding it to the trolley.

After a while in multiple stores, Peter had finally gotten over the embarrassment and guilt of having Natasha buy things for him and together, they had gotten tons of things for his new bedroom. They were in a large book and toy store and Peter had been allowed to buy a ton of new books and comics, which he was incredibly happy about. Natasha had caught him looking at the plushes a few times, but when she called him out on it, he looked very embarrassed and went beet red – despite Natasha saying he could get one if he wanted to. On their way to the till, Natasha saw Peter eyeing the plush display from a distance and she followed his gaze, to a teddy bear on the top shelf: brown with a red bow and to be honest, Natasha saw the appeal, it did look quite cute. She frowned, she thought that all children had a plushie or a blanket that they had from when they were babies…so where was Peter’s? She didn’t see it in his bag back at the Compound. Taking a mental note to ask him that later, she passed him the trolley, as the cashier called them over.

‘Start loading up and I’ll be back in a few minutes.’ She didn’t stay for an answer, but she quickly made her way back into the main section of the store, whilst Peter started passing the cashier the books, nervously wondering where she had gone.

‘Is that everything?’ The Cashier asked, as Peter started looking around anxiously for Natasha, who still hadn’t returned.

‘Um…’ Peter felt his breathing increase, as he felt the eyes of the cashier and the rest of the queue on him; but then relief flooded through himself as he saw a familiar head of red and gold hair, bobbing through the queue effortlessly.

‘Don’t forget this.’ Natasha handed over a large gift bag, which clearly had something inside and Peter strained to look, but Natasha shielded his view, asking him to wait by the trolley. When the things inside had been paid for and still shielded from Peter, as Natasha had elected to carry the bag, which was sealed at the top, so he couldn’t even peak inside. She smirked at how he pouted when he realised this.

‘Curiosity isn’t a sin, but you should exercise caution.’ She said nonchalantly, pushing the trolley out of the store and towards the familiar black BMW, as Peter nodded absentmindedly and then he froze and gasped incredulously. ‘That’s from Harry Potter! You like Harry Potter?!’ Natasha chuckled and started loading the bags of books into the car, keeping the gift bag on her drivers side, in a side compartment.

‘I might be a trained assassin but yes, I have read the books and watched the films.’ Peter looked gobsmacked and he started asking her random questions about the books and movies, which she happily answered as they put the trolley back and got into the car. She switched the engine on and looked at Peter.

‘So…that’s the room sorted. Now it’s time for clothes.’ Peter grimaced and started protesting about how he already had like one spare outfit, it just needed sewing up a bit and Natasha raised her eyebrows at him and then she said ‘Dinosaurs’ in a singsong voice, smiling mischievously. Eyes widening as he remembered their earlier conversation about the fact that she would buy him Dinosaur patterened clothes if he didn’t come with her, Peter hastily shut his mouth and sunk into his seat defeatedly, as Natasha pulled out of the carpark.

‘You’d think I was sentencing you to death with that look on your face.’ Natasha said, swerving around a corner, as Peter continued to scowl. ‘Is clothes shopping really that horrific?’

‘Yes.’ Peter replied instantaneously, imagining that all the clothes that he tried on wouldn’t fit and that he would look like a whale in everything.

‘Why?’

‘Because it will be! I just know that…that…I wont fit in anything and I’ll look like a whale and it’ll look stupid an…’ Natasha held up a hand and interrupted him, before he could get himself worked up.

‘It doesn’t have to be. Also, unless I buy you a whale onesie, then you won’t look like a whale.’ She said simply, as they arrived at the clothes department store.

‘I guess.’ Peter mumbled, as the car stopped and they both got out. Natasha slung an arm over his shoulders and ruffled his hair, which made him groan in exasperation.

‘I know so. Now, go ahead and pick out anything you want. My only rule is that you need at least one thing of each, so a pair of jeans, a few tops, one pair of pajamas, underwear, shoes and a new jacket.’ Peter nodded and followed Natasha into the boys section.

It wasn’t as bad as Peter thought to be honest. After a small meltdown about being two sizes larger in jeans than he was a few weeks prior when he was skeletal, he finally got into the swing of it and actually started to enjoy himself, as Natasha was purposefully making him laugh every chance she got, to make the experience easier for him.

‘I mean, I’m still kinda bummed out that you didn’t pick the pajamas with all the Avengers’ symbols on. I feel a bit personally attacked if I’m honest.’ Natasha said in a pretend sad voice, making a pouty face at Peter who giggled and shook his head, proudly holding onto his new Ironman themed pajamas – as his other ones were getting too small on the arms.

‘Nope, I want these please!’ Chuckling, Natasha nodded and put them into the basket. After a while, they had bought at least one of everything, with the most embarrassing part being the underwear section, as Peter secretly wanted some Pokemon style boxers and unsuccessfully tried to hide them from Natasha’s view, but she saw and Peter turned a brilliant shade of red.

‘That’s everything then.’ Natasha went over to the cashier with Peter, who after a while had managed to try everything on in the fitting room and he ended up feeling a lot happier in himself.

‘Thank you so much.’ Peter said, failing to keep the emotion out of his voice, as they arrived back at the car and Natasha began to drive back to the Compound.

‘No problem Kid. It’s part of the gig. I'm happy that you're happy. Now let’s head back because I have a stack of paperwork to do and you’ve got a room to decorate.' For the first time in a long time, Peter actually smiled as he realised that he did feel happy, but not because he had been bought a ton of stuff; but because he had someone who cared about him and he had had a fun afternoon overall. 


	27. Spider-Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter realised the extent of chaos that not going patrolling since May’s death has caused and he feels personally responsible. 
> 
> Unfortunately the Avengers think that he isn’t ready to go back out yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone!
> 
> I’m without a laptop at the minute as it’s in for repair, so I had to write this on my phone! My mental health has been horrendous these past few weeks and so I haven’t been at University, I barely left the house all week too. 
> 
> I’ve got a bit of a story planned out for the next 2 chapters or so and then will Incorporate a request I recieved a few weeks back as it fits well with this story. 
> 
> As always, check the tags and don’t read if it triggers you. Comments and kudos always make me feel better and I’m always open to requests too!!!
> 
> Stay Strong,  
MarvelObsessedgirl3
> 
> Xx

It was a week or so after the shopping trip and Peter was starting to feel a lot better in himself. He had started going back to school for a few hours a week and he found himself slowly managing to get back to grips of normality. Food was still a constant issue, but with Natasha and the rest of the Avengers help, he was managing to eat at least three large meals a day and hadn’t thrown up once since the incident in the garden.

Currently, Peter was sitting in the communal living room and he was playing Mario kart on the PS4, completely fuming at the fact that he had come in second place for the third time that afternoon. All the Avengers had been called on an urgent mission for a few hours and he had been left alone, under careful supervision from Friday, with the instruction not to leave the Compound.

Turning off his game and flicking on the news channel to act as background noise whilst he texted Ned (who was messaging him about a new Star Wars Lego set that had been released), Peter sprawled out on the sofa and sighed happily. He knew that he still had a long way to go before he was able to function completely as he used to, but he was starting to feel much happier and it was like a weight had been lifted off him.

_‘…as Spider-Man has been missing for the past 2 months, we have seen a large rise in crime in the Queens area an…’ _

Peter instantly sat up, his heart pounding. Spider-Man. With everything that had been happening: May dying, his mental health, Flash, moving to the Compound, living with Natasha, school and his panic attacks, he had completely forgotten about Spider-Man. His suit was in a crumpled ball at the back of his wardrobe. How could he have forgotten all those people, his responsibilities, why did nobody remind him?! He had been training and had done probably two patrols since May died, but since his mental health had gotten worse, he’d just… stopped. Turning up the TV, Peter stared intently at the screen and at the images of criminals and fires, robberies and drug gangs that were active – with the police struggling to cope with it all.

_‘-the residents have all been warned to be more cautious at night, with no sign of the familiar masked vigilante turning up anytime soon. Here is a list of the criminals that are most wanted, we urge you to call this number if you kno…’_

Hands trembling, Peter turned the TV off and took a few steadying breaths. He knew that he still was nowhere near being 100% and that his Spider-powers might not work at times, so patrolling would be much more dangerous for him than it used to be. He felt angry tears prickle his eyes, at how out of control everything had gotten. Peter was so caught up in his thoughts, that he barely heard Friday announce that the team were back and not even a moment later, they all emerged from the elevator and stepped out into the communal areas, talking to each other.

Natasha, Clint and Tony went over to Peter who had plastered on a fake smile, jumping up to greet them all. They sat down and updated him on their mission, informing him that everything had gone smoothly and asking how his afternoon had been.

‘-so then Spangles thought it was a good idea to take out the bodyguards first, instead of going through the upper levels-‘

‘-Tony that’s what we agreed on!’

‘Anyway it worked, then Widow and Clint did a pretty amazing job taking down an entire room full of soldiers in less than three minutes. It was really something.’

‘Thanks Stark, you weren’t so bad yourself.’

‘Yeah, how you defused that bomb was so cool!’

Peter sat in awe, as he heard about how Natasha and Clint had taken out over half of the soldiers with no help, and how the rest of the team had successfully taken down the entire Hydra base in just a few hours. He wished he could join them in proper missions and then he remembered about what he saw on the news and something must have shown on his face because Natasha raised an eyebrow.

‘What’s with the frown, Charlie Brown?’ Everyone has piled in and were either eating or talking quietly, but at Natasha’s concerned voice, they all looked over at Peter, who blushed slightly and shrugged. 

‘I just…I was thinking would I…could I start patrolling again? I mean, I’ve been feeling better and I just…I miss it.’ He finished lamely, looking around, at a room full of surprised and hesitant expressions on the Avengers faces. Steve was the first to speak up and he gave Peter a kind smile.

‘I know you’ve been through a lot Son, and you must miss it, but do you really feel up to it?’ At this point, Peter didn’t care if he felt up to it or not – he just wanted to help the police calm down the crime rate and he felt personally responsible for it. He had to do this, whether he felt ok or not.

‘Yeah, I do! Natasha and Clint even said I’m improving in training.’ He looked at the spies expectantly and they both looked at each other quickly – an unspoken conversation seemingly had, before they both nodded and Natasha spoke.

‘Peter. You are improving, however, you’ve only been training a few times a week over the past two weeks, because we didn’t want to pressure you into a strict schedule. I don’t think you’re personally ready to go back out patrolling yet.’ Everyone nodded in turn and gave him sad smiles. Natasha then continued explaining the dangers and whilst she was talking Peter felt his stomach drop and after a minute of listening to the dangers of not being properly prepared, he opened his mouth and started to protest. Sensing an argument brewing, the majority of the team went into the kitchen or to their floors to get changed, leaving Peter and Natasha in the living room.

‘I am ready! I want to go back out and help people! It’s been 2 months and I need to do this! None of you reminded me or anything and now it’s all over the news!’ He said angrily, fists clenched as he stood up and glared at Natasha, who easily looked back with a stoic expression on her face, standing up too.

‘You aren’t ready and my decision is final. We will re-evaluate this in a few weeks, when you’re back into a proper schedule. It is the Polices job to stop the crime to the best of their ability and they will be able to get it all under control.’ She left no room for argument and Peter felt angry at how calm she was being about this and about how he knew that not going out as Spider-Man would make the crime rate go even higher.

‘That’s not fair! You can’t stop me being Spider-Man! It’s who I am!’

Natasha shook her head and sighed. ‘Peter, you haven’t even mentioned being Spider-Man because of everything else that’s been going on. You are Peter Parker first and Spider-Man second. If Peter Parker isn’t at the top of his game, then there’s no way that Spider-Man will be and that will only cause injury. None of us have mentioned patrolling or anything because our main concern was you. My decision is final and nothing you say will make me change my mind. You’re just not ready yet, Kid.’ Peter stomped his foot and stormed out of the living room, up to his bedroom, leaving Natasha swearing under her breath in Russian.

As soon as Peter opened his bedroom door, he decided that he didn’t care if they all thought that he wasn’t ready to be Spider-Man again. He made a bee line for his wardrobe and pulled on his Spider-Man suit and web shooters - frowning when it all seemed bigger than it used to. He shook his head and put on his mask, smiling when Karen greeted him. 

Putting his phone on his bed and putting his chest of drawers and desk in front of his door – so nobody could come in, he then opened his window and slipped out, swinging away from the Avengers Compound and into New York.


	28. Revenge or Justice?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter sneaks out on patrol and finds himself in a situation that he did not expect. How will he react - and will anybody be able to find him before he makes a big mistake?

Smiling properly for the first time in weeks, Peter swung through the air, relishing in the cold December wind as it whizzed past him, as he came closer and closer into the centre of New York. He really couldn’t believe that he hadn’t been on patrol in almost two months, he had missed it so much.

Swinging up and landing on top of a lamppost, just outside Central Park, Peter grinned as people saw him and started cheering; running to get a closer look at him. He stood up and posed for everyone; looking around at the crowd who were either crying, taking pictures, clapping or shouting questions at him. He thrived on the adrenaline of being back – he really had missed this. After a few minutes, Peter waved and swung away through the bustling streets of New York with only one mission in mind; find and stop the crime, he had a large neighbourhood to protect.

After successfully putting out two fires, stopping four robberies and saving a woman from a mugging, Peter’s vision wobbled and he swung clumsily onto the nearest rooftop; his stomach was rumbling as his chest heaved due to how active he had been over the past hour. Karen was talking to him, but all Peter could hear was a loud buzzing in his ears, as his vision blurred again and he fell to his knees. He mumbled something about being fine to Karen and then proceeded to rip off his mask and gasped for air – a horrible burning pain in his stomach, as though he had swallowed a whole tub of nails.

Focusing on his breathing, Peter managed to get his senses back under control and he took a shaky breath, before putting his mask back on. After a few minutes of persuading Karen not to call Mr Stark or inform any of the Avengers about his whereabouts – saying that he definitely had permission to be out patrolling, Peter swung onto the top of a billboard and looked around for any crimes to stop – not wanting to go back to the Compound yet. He figured that nobody would be looking for him yet anyway and then his stomach plummeted.

People had been taking pictures of him…and he had posed for them. How could he have been so stupid?! All he wanted was to secretly patrol, without Natasha or anyone finding out…and because of his stupidity and haste in sneaking out - they probably already knew; he was so busted.

‘Hey Karen?’

_‘Yes Peter?’_

‘What’s the chance that the Avengers know I’m out patrolling right now?’

_‘100%, considering that you told me that you were ‘definitely allowed.’_ She replied in as a sarcastic manner as an AI could.

‘Well…when I said I was definitely allowed…I kind of meant, not really at all?’

_‘I advise an immediate return to the Compound Peter. My protocols do not require me to transfer access to Mr Stark – however, I would advise you to return now. Due to the fact that Spider-Man is trending on twitter and you are on approximately 16 news channels around the world, I would estimate a 96.9% chance that at least half of the Avengers would be aware that you are out patrolling right now…Incoming call from Tony Stark.’ _

‘-IGNORE! Fuck, I really didn’t think this through. Well…seeing as I’m probably going to be grounded for the rest of my life, let’s stop another crime and then head back to death row at the Compound. Scan for nearby crimes please Karen.’

_‘-Incoming call from Agent Romanoff.’_

‘IGNORE!’ Peter all but yelled, shaking his head.

_‘Scanning complete. There are reports of a chaotic driver on 42nd, however I would advise Police intervention and for you to stay away.’_

‘Why?’ Peter asked confused, already making his way to the scene.

_‘I have to exaggerate the fact that this would not benefit you Peter and that you should call the authorities to deal with it.’ _

‘Karen, it’s probably just a drunk driver, why do I need the police? Have they got a weapon?’

_‘He is not intoxicated according to my sensors and does not hold a weapon, however I must insist that you ring the authorities.’ _

‘It’s fine Karen, scan whoever it is and get me the quickest route.’

_‘As you wish. The man is called Russel Richards and he has recently escaped from prison. He is one of the most wanted people in New York.’ _

‘Prison? Jeez, what did he do?’ Peter frowned as Karen didn’t reply straight away and he landed onto a streetlight, waiting for a response and for the quickest route to light up in his mask.

_‘Karen? What was Russel in prison for? When did he escape?!’_

‘Approximately 12 minutes ago – according to the latest news headline. Russel Richards was in prison for causing the death of a woman a few months ago in a car crash. According to a witness, he escaped not long ago and then hijacked a Ford Fiesta and is now driving very chaotically.’ Peter felt his blood run cold and he hoped against hope that it wasn’t what he thought. After all, many people died in car crashes, it didn’t mean that it was…her.

‘K…karen? Who died? Who…who was the woman?’

_‘May Parker. I am sorry Peter. I advise you to contact the authorities an…’ _Peter didn’t hear the rest of what Karen was telling him, as his breathing increased quickly and he only had one mission in mind. Kill Russel Richards, by any means necessary.

***

‘Pебенок. Where are you?’ Natasha muttered, speeding down the streets of New York, as her phone lit up the tracker that resided in Peter’s suit, which she was following very intently. After a large argument with the rest of the team – after Wanda had showed everyone the images of Spiderman that were trending, Natasha had managed to persuade Tony and the others not to fly out and drag Peter back, instead, she was going to bring him back herself – as she was his legal guardian.

Keeping one eye on the road and the other one on her phone, Natasha swore as the tracker moved suddenly and then finally stopped; she swerved and then sped down a small alleyway, parking quickly and exiting the car, her hand hovering over a gun, as she heard yelling coming from above. Following her instincts, Natasha quietly climbed up the fire-escape and came face to face with a scene that made her heart plummet.

Peter had taken his mask off – which was laying on the rooftop near him, and he was holding a man by the neck with one hand, squeezing harder and harder, whilst the other hand punched him repeatedly in the face. By the looks of things, the man was an escaped convict – due to his clothes and Natasha figured that he had at least a broken nose and possibly a few teeth missing. Natasha usually wouldn’t get involved in things like this, however, as Peter was not showing any signs of stopping hurting this man, she realised that he could possibly kill him – and she didn’t want Peter to have that on his conscience, no matter if the man deserved to die or not.

‘маленький паук, stop. This isn’t you.’ Peter didn’t look around, he just continued to punch the man, who was groaning with the force of the punches.

‘HE KILLED HER!’ Peter bellowed, throwing the man to the ground and kicking him in the ribs, hard. Natasha grimaced as she heard at least one of his ribs break.

‘Who?’ Natasha asked as calmly as possible, although she was feeling extremely concerned inside.

‘MAY! HE. KILLED. MY. AUNT!’ Every word was punctuated with either a large punch or kick. The man had started to cough up blood by this point and Natasha immediately understood and realised the extent of this situation. Peter didn’t want justice, he wanted revenge and he was about to kill somebody. The man weakly pleaded for Peter to stop and the teenager let out a loud fake laugh, which Natasha noticed sounded almost wet, as if he was crying, as he still hadn’t turned around.

‘WHY SHOULD I STOP?! YOU DIDN’T STOP WHEN YOU CRASHED INTO MY AUNT AND KILLED HER! YOU RUINED MY LIFE! YOU…YOU DESERVE TO DIE!’ Peter lifted the man effortlessly off the ground and threw him back down, before he started to properly strangle him.

‘Spider-Man. I know what this man did, but you need to stop.’ Natasha was careful not to use Peter’s real name, just in case, however, it didn’t have the effect that she desired – as Peter ignored her and stamped onto the man’s right leg, which snapped like a twig. The scream of agony rose up into the evening air and Peter then kicked him in the head, hard. Natasha was surprised that the man hadn’t lost consciousness at this point, but she realised that if she let this continue, then the man would be dead in a matter of minutes and Peter would have that hanging over his head for the rest of his life.

Peter then turned around to Natasha, who saw his tear streaked face for the first time and she saw the anger and the sadness in his eyes…his intentions in that moment were very clear. Russel mumbled something inaudible and attempted to shake his head. Natasha realised that Peter was going to kill him right then and there and she knew that she had to stop this before he could.

‘Kid, you need to stop. This man will pay for what he did to May, but this is _not_ the answer. You will regret this, believe me.’

‘NO I WON’T! HE KILLED MAY AND NOW I’M GOING TO KILL HIM!’ Resigning herself to the fact that she was going to have to fight her newly adopted son to save him in the long run, Natasha quickly jumped over the now unconscious body and tackled Peter to the ground, who yelled out in protest.

‘STOP IT! LET ME GO! HE KILLED MAY!’ Attempting a large kick to her side, which was blocked immediately, Peter then tried to flip out of her grip, however, Natasha had the upper hand and she managed to establish a strong grip on his arms. She figured that due to his metabolism and the fact that he wasn’t 100% better yet, that that was why he couldn’t escape her grip and also why he hadn’t managed to kill the man yet, however, she knew better than most, that that was still very possible when you were this angry and revenge hungry.

‘I am not going to stand by and let you make a big mistake, when you are not thinking clearly. This isn’t you and you know it.’ Peter twisted and turned in her grasp and managed to get up, dodging a large kick which Natasha threw at him. She didn’t want to hurt him, but she couldn’t let him kill that man.

‘YES IT IS! HE HAS TO PAY FOR WHAT HE’S DONE!’ Dodging punches and trying to pin Peter down, Natasha then jumped backwards and looked at him in the eye, seeing him breathing heavily.

‘-and he will. But through the authorities. I can have him shipped off to the raft in the next twenty minutes if I want and he will never see sunlight again; but you need to stop this.’ Peter launched himself towards Russel, in the hopes that he could just deliver one final punch to his head, enough to kill him…like he killed May; however, anticipating this, Natasha got there first and once again, tackled Peter to the ground, kneeling down and shushing him softly, as he thrashed against her, trying to get back up.

‘NO! LET ME GO! I DON’T WANT YOU HERE!’

‘I know you don’t, but, tell me this, before you end this mans life…is this what May would have wanted?’ Natasha felt Peter’s breath hitch and he stopped fighting her, instead slumping against her chest, as giant sobs overtook his small frame. Immediately consoling him, Natasha turned him around and rubbed his back in what she hoped was a comforting manner, as he fell apart in her arms.

‘I’m s…sorry for lea…leaving! I…I just…’ He wailed, his voice slightly muffled as he hid his face in the crook of Natasha’s neck; she shushed him quietly and whispered to him in Russian, as he broke down on top of the rooftop, words no longer audible.

‘I know you are. You will be punished accordingly for disobeying me of course, however, right now, despite you going against my wishes, I’m proud of you.’ Peter sniffled miserably and looked up at Natasha, surprised to see her smirking at him.

‘Y…you are?’

‘Yep.’

‘Wh…why?’ Natasha gave him a sad smile and gestured to the still unconscious man opposite them.

‘-because, you could have killed him, with me being here or not and you didn’t give into the anger. You were close to giving in, but ultimately you knew that killing him wouldn’t bring back your Aunt and I’m proud of you for not giving into your anger.’

‘B…but if you weren’t here…I…I would hav…’

‘-possibly, yes; but the important thing is, that I was here and you didn’t. We don’t need to worry about what might have happened.’ Peter nodded and took a shaky breath as Natasha carded her fingers through his hair, before gently helping him to stand up. She pulled out her phone, sent a message and then using some old rope on the roof, tied Russel’s hands to a pole, picked up the discarded mask and then led Peter back down the fire-escape.

‘SHIELD will be here in 4 minutes and will make sure that this asshole rots in the Raft for the remainder of his days. Come on.’ Peter once again nodded and allowed Natasha to lead him to her car, before buckling him in and turning on the engine.

All the anger in his body had dissipated and all that remained was grief…grief and sadness. Peter felt like his entire body was empty and as he looked down at his bloody knuckles, he felt like the worst person in the world. He almost killed someone, how could he have gone out as Spider-Man? He clearly wasn’t ready; fair enough he wasn’t expecting to come face to face with his Aunt’s killer, but he knew that the team had been right in not letting him go out and he had gone against them; they must hate him now.

As they neared the Compound, he felt the familiar feeling to cut himself and he sniffled miserably and sighed – trying to keep the bad thoughts at bay.


	29. Life or death

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter relapses, but has he finally gone too far?

After a long talk with everybody in the Compound and Natasha taking his suit and webshooters off of him for the foreseeable future, Peter felt utterly miserable. It was now in the early hours of the morning and everybody had gone to their own floors – apart from a few of them, who had joined Natasha in the movie theatre on her floor, as she had the best TV. Peter had stormed to his bedroom angrily, ignoring the good nights from everyone and he was currently lying down on his bed, feeling waves of anger and sadness radiate off of him.

Logically he knew that Spider-Man being taken from him was probably going to be the outcome of his attempts at patrolling – despite being told by everyone not to leave without permission, but he just wanted to get back into the swing of it and help people; yet again, due to his actions, he now couldn’t patrol for the foreseeable future. He felt completely worthless.

Sighing heavily and blinking rapidly to stop any tears from falling, Peter clenched his fists so hard that he felt blood pool under his fingernails. Blood. He instantly looked down and was oddly comforted by the sight of the familiar red, that was staining the tips of his fingers and palm of his hand. Without thinking, he pressed deeper and hissed when he finally felt the pain, but it wasn’t enough.

He deserved this, he had caused the crime rate to soar the past few months and now innocent people were dying, because of him…let alone the fact that he had almost just killed Russel out of revenge. Natasha had tried to talk to him, after they had gotten back, but Peter had stayed silent and refused to talk to her; he felt too ashamed and guilty and Natasha had reluctantly let him go to his bedroom when he asked. Peter clenched his jaw and felt the familiar itch under his skin to cut himself. Cursing when he remembered that Natasha had cleared his room of potential objects he could use to harm himself a while ago, he instantly got an idea and leapt off of his bed and slowly snuck out of his bedroom. He remembered Tony telling everybody that Friday was having maintenance that night for a couple of hours and Peter realised that for the first time in a long time, that he wasn’t being monitored by anybody.

His Spider hearing picked up the quiet sounds of a movie playing in the movie room at the end of the hallway on his and Natasha’s floor, alongside the voices of Clint and Tony arguing and he stealthily tiptoed down the corridor to the stairs that were almost never used, as they acted as the fire-escape. Peter figured that the sounds of the elevator would alert the people in the movie room to his plan and so he opted for the stairs, which led him down the floors and into the main foyer of the Compound.

Listening intently, Peter couldn’t hear anybody around and he quickly made his way to the kitchen, where he picked up a large kitchen knife and looked around, before quickly making multiple cuts on his left forearm, hissing in pain as blood bubbled up from the cuts and trickled down his arm.

‘Fuck.’ He muttered, as he lost his grip on the now slippy knife and accidently cut deeper than he usually would. Wrapping his arm in a teatowel, he then pulled up his other pajama sleeve and continued to cut himself, revelling in the familiar burn and throb and the sight of the blood. He felt oddly calmer. This wasn’t a suicide attempt or anything, he just wanted to feel the pain that he felt that he deserved. It had been too long since he had done this last and a part of him missed it; missed the control that he always seemed to crave. He sighed in relief, as finally his thoughts started to slow down and he then made one cut for every bad thought that he was still thinking.

May

Patrol

Russel

Worthless

Failure

Burden

Regret

Fat

At the last thought, Peter stopped cutting and as if in a trance, he found himself raiding the cupboards that were dedicated for treats, until he was sat on the floor, surrounded by a pile of high calorie food and the now very bloody kitchen knife. Ignoring the dull throb in his arms, Peter forced mouthful after mouthful of biscuits, chocolate, bread and cake into his mouth, hardly letting himself chew, focusing on filling up the emptiness inside of him, distracting him from his thoughts, which were once again proving too much. Peter continued to eat until there was nothing left but a lot of crumbs and empty packets on the kitchen floor. He blinked and then looked around; his eyes widened and he felt himself start to panic. What had he just done? All those weeks of hard work, gone, just like that.

Standing up, Peter then became aware of the small pool of blood that had come from his arms. He realised that the teatowel was saturated in his blood and he felt slightly light headed. There were bloody spots all over the kitchen floor where he had been grabbing food and Peter then felt his stomach flip. He flung himself towards the bin in the kitchen and heaved up large amounts of all the undigested food that he had just consumed, alongside an odd burning feeling in his throat. Still, he continued throwing up, so much so that his eyes streamed and he was pretty sure that stuff was coming out of his nose by this point, but still he continued, until there was nothing left but hot acidic bile.

All of a sudden, Peter felt a sharp pain in the back of his throat, completely different to how he usually feels whilst purging, and he immediately knew that something is wrong. He can’t stop vomiting, but now it isn’t bile that is coating the inside of his mouth and the bin, it’s blood. Peter tries to breathe, but he can’t, all he can do is make a pained noise and he anxiously tries to stop the blood coming out of his mouth, but it continues to come and runs down his chin and onto his already blood stained pajamas. Frantically trying to find anything to help him, he accidentally crashes into a cupboard – which held all the glasses and they start to fall out and smash onto the floor. Peter tries to breathe or yell for help, but all he can of is: ‘I’m drowning.’ He collapses onto the floor and clutches his throat and stomach in agony, he is sure that this was it – he was dying and nobody knew.

Suddenly, a sound comes from the elevator and then the doors open and a familiar figure that Peter can’t quite place, runs out with a horrified look on their face, as they run over to Peter and quickly scan the scene. Peter coughs and tries to speak but his vision tunnels and he slumps over, losing consciousness from the blood loss.

***

Tony, Clint, Bruce, Steve and Natasha were in the movie room – spending some time together, as none of them were particularly tired and Natasha had the best TV in her movie theatre on her floor – so she had invited them to come up. Tony and Clint were arguing over the popcorn, Bruce was asleep on an armchair and Natasha and Steve were sat on the other sofa playing cards.

‘Stop flicking popcorn at me Legolas, or I’ll break your hand.’

‘Yeah, like to see you try that Stark.’

‘Can you both shut up, it’s getting interesting now and Brucie is sleeping.’ Steve sniggered as Natasha smirked and gestured to Bruce, who was snoring softly.

‘God I’m so bored.’

‘Why did you want to come and watch a film with us then?’ Clint asked, ducking as Tony threw a piece of popcorn at his head, which missed of course.

‘Friday is updating her software, so all the protocols in my lab are frozen until she finishes. I basically can’t do anything, as all the tech is run by Friday in my lab, it’s just easier that way; so, I’m stuck with you losers until she’s finished…which should be any minute now actually.’ Clint opened his mouth to object to being called a ‘loser’, when Friday’s voice spoke up.

_‘Rebooting…confirmed system update.’_ Tony grinned and got up, clapping his hands. ‘See, what did I tell ya?! Now, she probably just needs a few minutes to get herself back into the swing of things – safety procedures and the like; anyway, I no longer have to be assaulted by popcorn and bored to death with Captain Oldilocks over there…’ Tony gave Steve a pointed look and he shook his head and continued playing cards with Natasha who then triumphantly won another hand.

‘See you all later, I might just come back up here and anno…’

_‘Boss – Peter is in distress and needs immediate medical attention.’ _Bruce startled awake and nobody spoke, as Friday finished speaking, but Natasha was up and out of the room faster than anybody thought possible. They all hurried to follow her, but she was already halfway down the corridor.

Flinging open Peter’s bedroom door, her eyes widened when she saw that it was empty and that the bed hadn’t been slept in.

‘Where is he, Friday?!’ She screamed, running towards the elevator and jabbing the open button quickly.

_‘The Kitchen Agent Romanoff.’_

‘Take me to him, right now.’ She ordered, as the elevator doors closed shut behind her.

***

The first thing that Natasha heard was the sound of choking and gargling, as soon as the elevator doors opened. Running into the kitchen, Natasha saw Peter – face pale and blood stained; along with his pajamas which were coated in blood and vomit by the looks of it. His arms were sliced up with fresh cuts and the knife lay a little ways away. Natasha’s eyes widened as he lost consciousness and slumped forwards. She gasped and leapt into action.

She tried to ignore the putrid stench of vomit and focuses on rolling Peter over to one side, to clear his airway, while the blood still pours of out his mouth. There is so much blood…Natasha fights the urge to be sick herself, and at that moment, the distant ping of the elevator alerted Natasha to the other’s arrival and they all came running forward, avoiding the glass and blood.

‘FRIDAY – VITALS!’ Tony yells, as Natasha continues to try and resuscitate Peter, who was still not breathing.

_‘Life functions deteriorating. Peter has lost over two pints of blood and his heart rate is dangerously falling, as is his blood pressure. He has a ruptured esophagus and if he does not receive immediate medical attention, he will not survive.’_

‘Tony, Natasha, we have to get him to the Med Bay right now! I need to assess him!’ Bruce said firmly, as they all nod and Steve instantly goes to pick up the limp child, whilst the others watch on helplessly. Bruce, Steve and Tony run off to the Med Bay, whilst Natasha doesn’t move. She stares at the floor where Peter had been lying and at all the carnage. The blood, the vomit, the glass, the food…she doesn’t realise that she is crying, until Clint kneels next to her and puts a hand on her shoulder.

‘Tasha?’

‘He…I thought…he w…was asleep! It…oh m…my god…it’s my…this is all my f…fault! I…I should h…have…been w…watching h…him!’ Clint instantly shook his head and held Natasha close as she wept into his chest.

‘This is not your fault Nat; this is nobody’s fault…fuck. I thought he was getting better….There’s so much blood…shit. Bruce will…Bruce’ll fix him up…he has to.’ Clint looked around and he felt Natasha nod against his chest, as she tried to stop crying. She looked around and felt her chest tighten at the thought that there was a strong chance that Peter might die.


	30. In Limbo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter wakes up back in his old apartment - but what is behind the window and who can he hear talking to him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone!
> 
> As always I'm amazed at the response for this fic and I decided to add another chapter after this one. Not sure if I'm leaving it after that yet, but I might add to it from time to time. I’ve recently had a full mental breakdown and am on suicide watch - so it’s been a difficult few days - I enjoy writing this because it’s a good distraction, so I hope you enjoy this chapter!
> 
> Stay Strong  
MarvelObsessedgirl3 xx

The first thing that Peter noticed when he woke up, is that he was no longer in the Compound, he was in fact, back in Queens in his old bedroom. Blinking and sitting up, he then smelt the familiar smell of Thai wafting in from the kitchen, that made tears well up in his eyes, before he heard somebody call his name and he felt his heart stop.

‘Peter? You awake yet? Come on, get your butt in here!’ Peter immediately jumped out of bed and ran into the kitchen, knowing the layout like the back of his hand. He skidded to a holt, vaguely aware that he was wearing all white clothes for some reason, but he then looked into the kitchen and saw Ben and May sitting at the table, helping themselves to Thai, like it was any old day.

‘B…Ben? M…May? Is…that…is that really…you?’ May gave him a sad smile and nodded, before standing up and holding her arms open for him, which he immediately fell into and started sobbing, as she shushed him quietly; Ben stood up and ruffled Peter’s hair, which made him cry harder. He started babbling apologies at them both and saying how much he missed them – as May quietly consoled him and Ben rubbed his back comfortingly. After a few minutes, Peter’s sobs had turned to silent tears and small sniffles and he sat down opposite them both, vaguely noticing that the Thai food had disappeared.

‘We weren’t expecting you for a very long time. I think we need to have a chat Pete.’ Looking at May, seeing her kind brown eyes, made Peter want to start crying again, but he tried to keep it together and bit his lip anxiously.

‘I don’t…I don’t know why…why I’m here.’ He managed, looking around the old apartment kitchen – that looked much cleaner than he remembered and the window that overlooked the old playground was frosted so he couldn’t see out of it, he didn’t care though, all he wanted was to be here, with the two of them – he didn’t care how he was here or why, just happy that he was. He felt like he was meant to be somewhere else, he could hear a familiar voice calling his name – it sounded really far away, but…familiar. It was a woman’s voice, not May…who was it? Ben’s voice then roused him from his thoughts and he looked up at him; the woman’s voice faded away.

‘I think you know that that isn’t quite true Pal. We’ve been watching you for a while. We didn’t expect you, like May said, for a very long time. What’s the last thing you remember?’ Peter tried to speak, but found that for some reason he couldn’t – so he furrowed his eyebrows together and tried to remember. He was…he had been in a bedroom…not the one here, another one – it had a funny Star-Wars lamp in it, where did he get that and why was it so important? Was he with Ned?

‘Pete?’ May asked softly, once again roused from his thoughts, Peter then tried to remember again, he had left this room and gone somewhere…to do something…but what? Why couldn’t he remember? Then a slight pain on his left forearm made him look down to the white long sleeved top he was wearing…although, there was nothing there.

‘I…I remember being sad…’ He managed, still trying to figure out what had happened, but everything seemed really fuzzy and distant – like a dream that was slipping from his grasp.

‘…I…was alone.’ He found himself saying, and May and Ben immediately shook their heads.

‘You are not alone Peter. Even though we aren’t with you physically anymore, we will always be with you, right here.’ May then reached over and placed her palm against his heart and gave him a kind smile.

‘You’ve been through a lot kiddo, there’s so many things we want to tell you and my god we wish we could still be with you.’ Peter nodded and then felt another sharp pain in his throat, but when he touched it, there was nothing there again. He frowned, but he didn’t care, all he wanted was to be with May and Ben.

‘I didn’t want either of you to…to die. I’m sorry I…I wasn’t there…’ Both adults immediately shook their heads and told him that it wasn’t his fault at all, it was just what happened and nothing could have changed either of their fates. As they talked, Peter found himself smiling as they recounted memories that they shared with each other.

‘-so, looks like you found yourself a new family – I know they aren’t a replacement for us, but people who love and care for you, somebody in particular.’ Frowning, Peter then followed May’s gaze to the window that was still frosted. He tilted his head and he could hear the familiar woman’s voice again, although he couldn’t make out the words, it now sounded closer – who was she…was she crying?

‘A new family?’ He repeated, as both May and Ben smiled and nodded.

‘Who are they?’ He asked in confusion.

‘You know who they are. We aren’t here to give you all the answers, but to help you understand things.’ Ben said giving him a kind smile and Peter found himself looking out of the window which was no longer frosty, but had cleared, however, it wasn’t the playground on the other side anymore – it was a hospital? A pristine, yet familiar hospital room. Standing up and walking over to the window, Peter looked out of it and into the room. 

He saw a boy on a bed, covered in blood and other things, surrounded by wires and a woman who was sat next to him, talking to him and she looked like she had been crying. The face of the boy was blocked by a large oxygen type mask and what looked to be a tube, the arms were all bandaged on the boy and Peter found himself wanting to know who it was. He went to turn around to ask May and Ben, when something else caught his eye. There was another window in this hospital style room and standing behind it, were a large group of people, all of them looked like they had been crying or were about to. Peter looked at the group and then realised that he could remember some things about them.

There was a man who ran very fast and constantly tried to save people, helping everybody when he could and he made really nice spag bol. There was a man who was scared of one part of himself, but who was a really cool scientist and always helped him with his science homework. There was a man who could fly and who helped him down from panic attacks and a man who looked scary because he had a metal arm – but who was really nice and played mario kart with him. There was a woman, a few years older than him, who watched movies with him and was always really kind. Then there was a man who always climbed into the vents and played pranks on people with Peter – he was like a cool uncle – Ben would have liked him. There was also this brilliant man, who could made gadgets and had a big house with a big family…his family? This man would always want to spend time with him and Peter frowned as he still couldn’t remember names, but he kept trying. There was somebody else too who wasn’t with them…a woman. Peter looked around and then realised that the woman was with the boy, she had bright green eyes and red hair. This woman helped him more than the others, because she spent the most time with him and she meant more to him than the others…why? Peter turned back around from the window and asked hesitantly.

‘May? Ben? Who…are those people…do I know them? Who is that woman? Who is the boy on the bed – is he hurt?’ May was the first to speak and she stood up and embraced him in a hug. He sniffed and smelt her familiar perfume that always tickled his nose…he heard a soft beeping sound from somewhere far off and he felt sad again, but why?

‘You know who they are and who is on that bed, Peter. Allow yourself to remember.’ Peter then broke the hug and walked back to the window, vaguely noticing that the beeping had stopped and he concentrated really hard on the people and the boy. He found himself remembering feeling a lot of pain, like a distant memory…but there was also happiness too…and then everything flooded back to him and Peter almost fell over with the force of the thoughts, the memories and what had happened. He inhaled and then bowed his head, as tears slipped down his cheeks.

‘…is that…is that me? But…but I’m here…am I…am I dead?! Why…why am I here?!’ May and Ben gave him sad smiles and gestured to the window.

‘It’s you. You’re not dead yet, but by the looks of things, you haven’t got long left because you’re still here, unless you go back of course. You’re here…because in this moment, you need to be here.’ Ben said nonchalantly. May nodded and gave him a sad smile. Still crying, Peter couldn’t stop staring at his Aunt and Uncle. He wanted to be with them, but he felt like he was forgetting something, something important, but all he could think about is how happy he felt being with them. He hadn’t been this happy for what seemed like forever.

Peter then found himself struggling to breathe and his chest ached, he felt his arms and throat throb with pain and he shook his head and moved away from the window, his hands forming into fists, as tears flooded down his cheeks.

‘I’m not going back. I want…I have to stay…to stay with you! I can’t…it’s too hard! I’m not…I’m not strong…enough.’ Both of them continued to listen, but made no move to walk near the window. Peter vaguely realised that there was a loud beeping noise coming from somewhere behind him, but he didn’t care; all he wanted was to stay with Ben and May. Peter sat down on a chair opposite them and couldn’t find anymore words, so he listened, as May began to speak.

‘We know you’re hurting and you’ve been through so much and you feel like you can’t escape; but you can do this Peter, you are strong enough, you can keep fighting and being Spider-Man. A lot of people depend on you and you’ve got such an amazing life ahead of you, you just need to keep fighting.’

‘-but I don’t want to be sad anymore…I just…I can’t fight anymore.’ Peter cried, trying to ignore the beeping that seemed to be getting louder.

Ben clasped his hands in front of him and looked at Peter seriously. ‘You are strong enough, me and your Aunt both know it, but, if you feel like you really can’t go back - you’ve got a choice Pal. You can go back or you can stay with us. It’s up to you, but you need to decide now.’ Peter opened his mouth to agree to stay, when he heard the woman’s voice again – distant but familiar…he then realised that it was Natasha. Peter closed his mouth again and looked back at the window, but made no movement to get up; May then gave him a smile.

‘-you are not alone; you’ve got all those Superheroes who care about you. I know that they can’t replace us, but there’s someone in particular, who will miss you.’ May gestured to the window again and Peter found himself once again, walking over to it and looking down at Natasha. He finally allowed himself to hear her voice more clearly and found himself wanting to talk to her…

_‘Come on Kid, you can do this! Keep fighting…please don’t…please don’t leave me. I know you can do this. You’re the strongest Kid I know and you make us all better_ _. I want to be your guardian, I know I’m not the best maternal figure, but I want to be that for you…I… I _ _should have said it before, but…I love you _ _маленький паук. Please come back to me. Don’t leave me Peter. We can get through this together, I know you can do this. I love you. Please don’t… leave me.’ _

Peter heard the brokenness of her voice and then realised that there were many people running around the room calling things out to each other – as if something bad was happening.

Memories flooded into his mind of shopping with Natasha, watching movies, showing her his project at school, the endless conversations and games they would play together, the Lake House, how she helped him with nightmares and panic attacks - no matter the time or place and looking at how heart broken she was, along with everybody else, he then realised what he needed to do.

‘I…I love you too…and I’m sorry for what happened.’ Peter finally whispered. He felt tears roll down his cheeks at the thought of leaving her and everybody else…he knew in that moment that he wanted to live – even if that meant not seeing May or Ben again. Noticing that the beeping had finally stopped and that everybody instantly stopped running around and yelling in the room, he turned around to May and Ben who were stood up, by the door to the apartment, both smiling.

‘I…I want to go back.’ He said softly and both the adults nodded.

‘We know. I wish we had more time to talk, but if you want to go back, you need to go now.’ Ben said – gesturing to the window and Peter nodded in agreement.

‘Why…why did I come here?’ Peter asked, walking over to them both.

‘It might have had something to do with all the blood you seem to have lost.’ Ben joked, and Peter smiled.

‘No – really though!’

‘Only you know the answer to that Pete.’ May said, giving him a big hug. He thought for a minute and answered honestly.

‘-because I miss you…both of you…and I wanted to say goodbye properly.’ He whispered into her chest as he felt her nodding.

‘We are always with you. You’ve always had me and Ben to help you with your problems, but now it’s time that you confide in your new family – they’re not a replacement, just an extension. They want to help you, but now it’s time that you help yourself too. I’m not saying to forget about us or anything, but allow yourself to heal, in your own time. You are not a burden, or worthless or anything. You are smart, kind and so so loved. We will always be with you. I larb you.’ Peter choked on a sob and nodded. ‘I larb you too.’ May then stepped back, as Ben then embraced him in a hug.

‘I wish we would have been around to watch you grow up. Life is shit sometimes, but you make do with what you get dealt with. You’re the strongest Kid I know and I know I speak for the two of us, when I say that you can do this. Start letting people in and things will get better, Peter. I love you, always have and always will.’

‘I love you too.’ Peter said, as Ben patted his shoulder and walked over to join May. Peter was still crying, but he smiled sadly as he saw the two of them holding hands and leaving the apartment.

He knew that it would be a challenge to live without them, but with the help of the Avengers and Natasha, he realised that things would get better and suddenly he wanted to go back; then everything went black.


End file.
